[9F11] Selma's Choice


Selma's Choice                                Written by David M. Stern
					       Directed by Carlos Baeza
=======================================================================
Production Code: 9F11               Original Airdate in N.A.: 21-Jan-93
					  Capsule revision F, 28-May-96

Synopsis

   Following her deceased aunt's advice, Selma seeks out a way to
   have a baby, and ends up taking Bart and Lisa to Duff Gardens
   after Homer gets sick on the planned date.

Opening Sequence

BLACKBOARD

      I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
      unknown cutoff

LISA'S SOLO

      Unknown.

COUCH SCENE

      As OFF runs to the couch, they are caught by a net on the
      ground.  They continue to stare at the TV.

Syndication Notes

The syndicated version of this episode:
    does not contain the blackboard scene
    has the original couch

Did you notice...

Ricardo A. Lafaurie Jr.:
   ... Homer lets Bart use the car?
   ... the funeral was announced the day it took place?
   ... Bart was unusually mature about not going to Duff Gardens?
   ... Bart and Lisa sat in the back of the car?
   ... Lisa didn't join into Bart and Homer's singing?
   ... the bored Bart look-alike at the eulogy?
   ... the priest saw Aunt Gladys (it was an open coffin) and
       didn't know she was a woman?
   ... the "forgot my hat" guy is the same guy who "nays" in 9F15?
   ... Patty ignored Aunt Gladys' advice?
   ... Homer was looking away bored and Marge was looking angrily
       at him at the video will room?
   ... how Lionel Hutz grimaced evilly in the dubbed-over part
       of the video will?
   ... Princess Opal's face when the truth serum took effect?
   ... Selma bought two large packs of "Laramie 100s" cigarretes
       and a TV Guide?
   ... Hans Moleman was white in this episode?
   ... one of "Hans'" kids fell out the window?
   ... the ride on the television when Lisa mentions artifical
       insemination?
   ... the sperm bank is also a maternity ward?
   ... all the babies already have full-grown hair?
   ... Marge slept without a haircap?
   ... the drunken guys on the Duff Gardens pamphlet?
   ... the face of the girl in the video when Hercules
       laughed?
   ... the additional "Vocal Performance" credit?

Jose Lafaurie:
   ... the Electrical Parade song playing while Murdock went up
       on the Whiplash?
   ... the airplane passing as Murdock approached the top of the
       Whiplash?
   ... one of the fish burped like Barney?
   ... Aunt Gladys put her glasses on and off several times
       while reading the poem?
   ... one of the "Celebrity" chips was shaped like the Momument
       of the Battle of Bunker Hill?
   ... according to his drivers' license, Hans is 31 years old!
   ... the sandwich seemed to frown when Homer yelled at it,
       and it seemed to smile when he hugged it?
   ... the face of the girl in the video when Hercules
       laughed?
   ... Homer's face when he couldn't go to Duff Gardens? (because
       he was sick)
   ... Homer and Marge watch "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules",
       a movie Troy McClure pitched in 9F07?
   ... Bart, Lisa and Selma are the only ones attending the
       Duff Hall of Presidents?
   ... they use the "we put the <blank> in <blank>" joke twice:
	 "We put the FUN in FUNERAL" (sign at funeral home)
	 "... puts the SHE in YESHIVA" (Homer watching Yentl)
   ... Lisa's eyes turned hollow when she drank the water?
   ... the screwed-up and hard-rock versions of the Little Land
       of Duff song playing after Lisa drank the "water"?
   ... nobody seemed to notice Lisa wandering out into the parade?
   ... the picture of Jackie in Patty + Selma's apartment.

Juha Terho:
   ... Lance was wearing his daredevil suit under his body cast?
   ... he was also in his cast still in The Washing Machine?
   ... Lance's neck rest?
   ... after the funeral, Jackie and Patty were scraping themselves?
   ... Gladys' glasses in the video will?
   ... Maggie's `double-suck' at the end of Act One?
   ... how Selma fluttered her eyes at Hans?
   ... in Selma's fantasy there were four kids with pictures of
       each on the wall?  There was also a picture of Selma and
       Hans together.  Neither one looked too happy...
   ... the two-second pause after the kids hit each other (probably
       to give us time to laugh before the next gag)?
   ... in the second `Duff Gardens' commercial, a cop was arresting
       Dolph, Kearney and Jimbo?
   ... the 18-person chorus of Hooray For Everything?
   ... the `Hooray for Everything' chorus is politically correct
       with members from around the world?
   ... Lance in `The Contusion' ride, still in the cast?
   ... Homer's car was facing the street?
   ... the man videotaping The Seven Duffs?
   ... Homer sucked the Foam Dome dry?
   ... the cigarette in the cardboard version of Surly (the height
       limit)?
   ... Mitch's supervisor was also a teenager?
   ... the gas mask, rifles and a map of Duff Gardens at the
       security quarters?
   ... the broken sign that read "LEAVING DUFF GARDFNS"?
   ... Lisa wore the towel to home?
   ... the Korean Production Company was now Anivision again?

Dave Hall:
   ... in the couch scene, the slanting scenic painting drew you away
       from noticing the trap?
   ... Maggie's tentative suck during the couch scene?
   ... the gigantic chrome piping on Lance Murdock's motorcycle?
   ... some idiot brought his camera into the Washing Machine ride?
   ... the Beer-Quarium has a good head?
   ... some of the patrons were enjoying a little of the Beer-Quarium?
   ... Homer told his 10-year-old son to warm up the car?
   ... one of the twins brought an umbrella for the trip?
   ... only Selma brought her purse on the trip?
   ... Selma wore `S' earrings?
   ... Patty & Selma's cigarette smoke started filling the station
       wagon?
   ... Homer didn't actually touch the diner food?
   ... the stiff with X's for eyes on the funeral home sign?
   ... Marge's mother's name is Jackie?
   ... the grandfather clock didn't wake Bart or Lisa on the way
       home?  [it wouldn't wake me up --ed]
   ... Selma used her tongue to tie a lit cigarette in a knot?
   ... how choosy Willy is in choosing a date from the `Low Expect-
       ations Dating Service'?  [think about it]
   ... how well defined Selma's imagination was?
   ... Selma assumed that Hans was capable (IYKWIM)?
   ... Hans' handwriting is actually legible?
   ... Selma paid for the dinner date?
   ... Lance Murdock and Bill (of Bill & Marty) are seen on the TV set
       when Lisa suggested artificial insemination?
   ... Barney completely removes his clothing to give a sperm sample?
   ... Patty and Selma's apartment number is 1599?
   ... Selma asked her underage niece and nephew to get her a beer?
   ... the statue of Liberty downing a Duff?
   ... the poster of a hanging beer-man on the security shack?
   ... the gas masks and firearms in the security shack?
   ... we actually saw no one drink at Duff Gardens?
   ... somewhere at Duff Gardens is a red dress without its owner?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ...  while under the influence of Duff water, Lisa's skin is a 
	lighter shade of pale?

Cast

>> Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Lance Murdock, Homer, "Forgot my hat" guy, 
     Groundskeeper Willy, Hans Moleman, Sperm Bank Doctor, Barney, 
     Surly, Homercles)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge, Selma, Patty, Gladys, Jackie)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Kerny)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Puberty Boy, Ham Radio guy, Carl, Mitch, Jim, 
     Security Guard #1)
   - Harry Shearer ("To be completed in 1994" guy, Priest, Cameraman, 
     Arnold, Man in "Hooray for Everything", Lincoln, "Not a doctor")

Also Starring

   - Pamela Hayden (Hooray for Everything singer, Waitress at Diner,
     Waitress at Restaurant, Princess Opal, Nurse)
   - Doris Grau (Complaint woman)

Special Guest Voice

   - Phil Hartman (Duff Gardens announcer, Lionel Hutz, Mandy Patinkin,
     Troy McClure, Security Guard #2)

Vocal Performance

   "You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman)"
     performed by Michele Pillar  {jt}

Movie, Music, and other References

      
+ "Sophie's Choice"
    - Episode title
  The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson
    - Mertyl Young showed off potato chips that look like things
+ "Wizard of Oz"
    - Homer and Bart sing "Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead" in the car
+ "Prince of Tides"
    - Marge's "flashback"
    - in the movie, Nolte's mother watched while he (as a child),
      and his siblings dived into the water and made a skydiving
      formation in the water  {jl}
+ "The Prince of Denmark's March", aka Trumpet Voluntary (Jeremiah
  Clarke)
    - the song is played at the funeral, but on a harpsichord
~ "Trading Places"  {jl}
    - putting out a cigarrette in your mouth
  Busch Gardens
    - A theme park funded by a brewery
  Sea World
    - The Beer-Quarium
    - Theme park owned by the same brewery (Anheuser-Busch)
+ "Walk on the Wild Side" {bjr}
    - Hooray for Everything perform a family-friendly version of the 
      1972 Lou Reed song.
    - The original lyrics went, "...and the colored girls sing... do 
      dee do dee do do do do (etc.)"
    - in "Bart vs. Thanksgiving" Hooray for Everything also sanitized
      an otherwise offensive song
+ "Lawrence of Arabia"
    - theme music playing when Bart eyes the Duff Beer-amid
+ Disneyland
    - "I'm going to Duff Gardens!" = "Disneyland!"
    - Seven Duffs = Seven Dwarfs (also a Snow White ref)
    - "It's A Small World" ride is spoofed
    - The Main Street Electrical Parade with perfectly spoofed music
      (see below)
    - The Hall of Presidents
    - EPCOT Center spoofed with the "Beer-amid" thingy
+ "The Terminator" {jt}
    - the robot of George Washington
     (glowing red eyes and "living tissue over a metal endoskeleton")
+ "Looney Tunes"
    - Lisa sputters and snarls like Bugs Bunny, when he got hit with
      the steel bar in the cartoon where construction guys try to
      build a skyscraper over his home, and walks the same way
  "Tommy", "Phantom of the Opera"  {dh}
    - Lisa: "I am the Lizard Queen!"

Freeze Frame Fun

- When Bart and Lisa jump off the couch when Homer announces "We're
  going to Duff Gardens", we see up Lisa's dress for two frames. {gm}

Diner

         T H E
       B U Z Z I N G
	  S I G N
	 D I N E R

Homer's plate-mat labyrinth {jt}

     J  U  S  T    F  O  R   K  I  D  S  (1)  Pirate with an eye patch
--> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| (1)   (2)  Ship
    ~~~~~~~~~~~)  )~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'       (3)  Palm island
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'  '~~~~~~~~|             (4)  Crocodile
|  |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|  |             (5)  Bag full of gold coins
|  |         (2)   |~~~~'  |__(3)________
|  |            ___|  |~|  |  | |       |
|  |           | __   | |  |  | |  |~|  |
|   ~~~~~~~~~| |___|  | |_____| |  | |  |
 ~~~~~~~~~|  |     |  ~~~~~~~~~~~  | |  |
	   (4)  ~~~~  |~~~~~~|  |~~'  (5)
		~~~|   ~~~~~~   |
		   |  |~~~~|  |~'
		   |   ~~~~   |
		   '~~~~~~~~~~'

Funeral home

             THE
      L U C K Y  S T I F F
	  FUNERAL HOME


      [ A dead guy putting his feet up
	in a coffin ]

     "WE PUT THE FUN IN FUNERAL"

Dating Service

     LOW EXPECTATIONS
     DATING   SERVICE

The eye chart {jt}

          E
	   F P
	  T O Z
	PDUIIFCQSJ
       YELWO CLORAC
       NOTLE WSUNAJ
       EWNO RS EFEJ
       DPONT ???ELK
       YSP D  ? ???

   (Hans sees the letters as R, Q, J, question mark and a smiley face.)

Hans Molemans' driver's license {jt}

=== DMV ===   S P R I N G F I E L D   ===========
	     __
  EXPIRES   /  \  DRIVER LICENSE  [some numbers]
ON BIRTHDAY |  |  EXPIRES 08-02-93      CLASS 4
	    \__/
		  HANS MOLEMAN
DO NOT LAMINATE   920 OAK GROVE
		  SPRINGFIELD USA 90701
,--------------,
|              |  SEX: M   HAIR: NONE  EYES: BLACK
|              |  HT: 4-4  WT: 140  DOB: 08-02-61
|    Hans'     |
|   picture    |
|              |     Hans Moleman  (signature)
|              | x ______________________________
'--------------'  07-27    508   20/        F0/93

Note that the expiration date was two and a half weeks after the
episode first aired.  This proves that The Simpsons operates in the
present.

Princess Opal's sign

     P R I N C E S S         O P A L
     Potions, Hexes, and Fax Machine

Neighboring stores

     Health for Less
     I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm!

The sperm bank

     SPRINGFIELD
	SPERM
	BANK

      Est. 1858

     "Put your sperm
	  in
      our hands."

"101 Frozen Pops" cover

     Troy McClure, Jacques Brunswick, Prof. John Frink

"101 Frozen Pops" inside

     Snake
     (two other unrecognizable guys)

In the Duff Hall of Presidents

     Thomas Jefferson
     Abraham Lincoln
     George Washington
     a barrel of beer
     Theodore Roosevelt (in a wheelchair?)
     Richard Nixon (in his "not a crook" pose, carrying cans of Duff)

Sign on the Complaints line

     ____________
     | E N T E R |
     |  H E R E  |
     |-----------|
     |  W A I T  |
     | FROM HERE |
     |-----------|
     | ____      |
     | | 2| HRS. |
     | |__|      |
     |___________|

Countries in the Little Land of Duff

     Netherlands, Mexico, Alaska (first shot)
     Hawaii, Mexico, Germany (scrolling shot)
     Spain, Netherlands (Bart shot)
     Netherlands (after Lisa drinks the water)

Sign in "Barrel Roll"

       /--------\
      /  ======  \
     |  | U\/U |  |
     |  |   .  |  |
     |  |  --===: |
     |   ------   |
     |            |
     | S U R L Y  |________
     |  S A Y S:           =
     |               ______=
     |    You       /
     |   Must      /
     |    Be      |
     |   THIS     |
     |   High     |
     |___________|


Floats in the Electrical Parade

     Duff Blimp
     Faucet spouting beer
     USA flag flashing "Drink Duff"
     Statue of Liberty
     ?

Sign in Security Office

      SURLY
      SAYS:  ______

      Don't  Picture
       Get     of
     Caught   Surly
       or    hanging
      ELSE!  ------

The dialogues for Bart and Lisa talking simultaneously {ddg}

  - When they come to wake up the parents

Bart                                   Lisa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Come on, come on, get the lead out,    Get up, get up, it's time to go
come on, Dad, we wanna go to Duff      to Duff Gardens, we wanna go to
Gardens, Mom, Mom, tell him we're      Duff Gardens, time to go to Duff
going to Duff Gardens!                 Gardens!

  - When Selma wants a beer smoothie

Bart                                   Lisa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Aw, come on, man, a beer smoothie?   |No, come on, Aunt Selma, we gotta
Not again, you've already had four   |go, we got stuff to do, come on,
of them, how many you gonna put down?|let's have fun!

Ending credits amusement {jt}

      (You Make Me Feel Like)
	 A Natural Woman
       Vocal Performance by
	 MICHELE PILLAR

Previous Episode References

- [MG14] The Simpsons go to a funeral
- [7G04], [7F05] SNPP company picnics  {jt}
- [7G08] "Health for Less" appears
- [7G08], [7F23], [8F14] "Quit it!  Quit it!  Quit it!"  {jt}
- [7G09] Homer: "That's the spirit!" (cf. Selma)
- [7F06], [8F10], [8F11] Lance Murdock appears
- [7F07] The "Hooray for Everything" gang
- [7F10?] "I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm!" appears
- [7F11] Leaving a video will  {jt}
- [7F12] Bouviers "mmm"ing at each other  {jt}
$ [7F15] One of Marge's sisters revoked Hans Moleman's license.
- [7F15] Ash falling from Selma's cigarette  {jt}
- [7F15], [8F14] Patty's snoring  {jt}
- [7F15], [8F20] Selma looks for a man
- [8F03] Princess Opal appears
- [8F05] Duff Gardens shown on a sign
- [8F07] Foam Dome  {jt}
- [8F07] Dave is the sperm doctor  {dh}
- [8F07] video tapes are rented  {dh}
- [8F07] Extinguishing a cigarette in one's mouth  {jt}
- [8F18] Echoing voices generated by babies  {jt}
- [8F19] Homer's boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest
  hoagie  {jt}
- [8F20] Selma tests Hans Moleman, he can't read the eye chart
- [8F20] Selma's adoration of MacGyver  {jt}
- [8F20] Selma's lack of taste and smell (her cigarette trick)  {jt}
- [8F24], [9F05] Badly dubbed-over tape  {jt}
- [9F01] Cartoon physics (see "Comments" section)
- [9F04] "Trumpet Voluntary" (by Jeremiah Clarke) is played.
- [9F07] "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules"
- [9F07] Lincoln's home-made rap performance (cf. Homer's)  {jt}

Animation, Continuity, and other Goofs

- The interviewer points his microphone at Lance before he finishes his
  own sentence.  {jt}

* The first scene of Lance in the Washing Machine shows people clinging
  onto arm bars, yet Lance is incapable of doing this.  {dh}

= The kids supposedly ran off to start the car for Homer, yet in the
  next scene Homer and the kids are seen getting dressed in Bart's
  bedroom.  {dh}

= In the beginning, Bart and Lisa do wear their shoes.  But in the
  next scene where they are in Bart's room, they are seen putting them
  on.  {jt}

+ Establishing shot of the car ride doesn't show Maggie.  {dh}

+ The family's funeral attire doesn't match the ones worn in [MG14]

+ In MG14, Homer declared that the children could never attend another
  funeral.

= Bart and Lisa disappeared in the car after they picked up Patty and
  Selma.

- As usual, Patty and Marge's earrings keep on hanging on thin air.

+ Homer hugging the Gruesome Twosome was a little out of character for
  him.  {jt}

* Also, didn't he hear the insults during the hug?  {jt}

+ Homer is right-handed in this episode.

= The remote control only appeared in Homer's hand when he needed it.

- The grandfather clock's pedestal isn't moving, so how can it be
  ticking?

~ It shouldn't take that long to read "The Road Not Taken".

~ If you have read "The Road Not Taken", you know that Aunt Gladys
  totally screwed the mood of the last line.

* How did Homer know when to press Play again in the will?

* If Aunt Gladys knew she was going to die lonely, why didn't she
  just tell Patty and Selma to rasie a family before she died rather
  than put it in the will?  {dh}

= Selma's used cigarette appeared out of nowhere.

+ The bag boy had to wear orange, yet the cashier didn't.  {dh}

= The `Vision testing' sign appears out of thin air.  {dh}

= Hans' driver's license did not say that he was unmarried, even when
  Selma said so.  (See "Freeze-frame" section.)  {jt}

- Marge points at the sandwich well before she mentions the mayonnaise
  is turning.

= The wastebasket disappears.

+ The trash cans where Marge throws Homer's sandwich aren't usually
  there (in the master bedroom next to the bed and on the sidewalk
  near the driveway).  {jt}

+ Where exactly is Maggie through all this? She isn't seen in Duff
  Gardens or at home.

= Selma and the kids seem to move instantly to the front of the line
  for entering the park.

= Selma's purse disappeared after the `See the world through the eyes
  of a drunk' gag.  {dh}

= Selma and the kids enter the line for the Little Land of Duff, but
  the camera pan shows that it's the Complaints line

- When Bart stares at the Little Land of Duff ride, they seem to be in
  Spain a long time.

* The robots in the Little Land of Duff are from multiple continents,
  so they're not visiting any "continents."

= Lisa's skin turns from pale to yellow in both the Electric Parade and
  the closing scenes.

* The cart couldn't go straight into a loop in "The Barrel Roll"
  without picking up speed.

* Bumper cars can't run if they're not connected to the electrical
  ceiling.

= The hands that the "doctor" put the pills into look like Lisa's, but
  in the next scene they're Selma's.

+ Homer holds Selma's hands at the end. !?!?!?  {jl}

+ In the vocal performance in the credits, the title of the song is
  shown incorrectly.  (It should be: You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural
  Woman)

Comments and other observations

Deathtraps, er, Attractions in Duff Gardens

      The Whiplash (to be completed in 1994)
      The Washing Machine
      The Beer-Quarium
      "Hooray for Everything" gang
      The Contusion
      The Beer-amid
      Graves of immigrants that died during its construction
      Duff Hall of Presidents
      Little Land of Duff
      The Barrel Roll
      Electrical Parade
      The Fermentarium
      Ferris wheel  {jt}
      bench  {jt}

Funeral clothes (the latest in mourning style)

      HOMER:  Blue jacket, white shirt, tie, blue pants, shoes
      MARGE:  Hat on her hair, triangle green earrings, necklace, green
	      open-collared dress
      SELMA:  Collared black layered dress, oval necklace, "S" earrings
      PATTY:  Black low-cut dress, round necklace, triangle earrings
      BART:   Combed-back hair, brown jacket, purple tie, brown shorts
	      and shoes.
      LISA:   Hat, dark blue collar, purple dress, ribbon tied around
	      waist, socks and shoes
      MAGGIE: Large hat, regular hairbow, darker-color baggie
      JACKIE: Triangular necklace, shawl, gray dress

Aunt Gladys' poem (or, Want Some Snow, Man?)

    Yours truly recognizes that the poem Aunt Gladys reads is called
    "The Road Not Taken". It can be found in any proper English
    Literature book.

Four of the seven Duffs

      Tipsy
      Queasy
      Surly  ----> the only speaking one
      Remorseful

"Yentl" (or, a song with some movie in it)

Josť Lafaurie tells us: "`Yentl' is a 1983 "film with music". Barbra 
    Streissand starred, produced, and co-wrote the film.  Other stars 
    include Mandy Patinkin, and Amy Irving.  Streissand plays 
    Yentl, a young woman who has to disguise herself as a man to 
    attend a school of higher learning.  (She could easily pass for
    a man. B-)  Homer and Marge seem to be watching the scene when 
    Avigdor (Patinkin) discovers that Yentl is a woman."

Also, the movie was based on a book, "Yentl the Yeshiva Boy", which
    explains Homer's comment "That Yentl put the `she' in `yeshiva'."

Bart playing with the stiff

Juha Terho declares this the most tasteless gag in the fourth season.
    "Reminds me of the Monty Python skit, `if you don't like your dead
    mother, we can dig a grave where you can throw up after you've
    eaten her', but that was meant to be offensive.

    "Note that in MG14, Bart felt disgusted at the sight of a dead
    body. Perhaps he's seen more movies since then and become
    desensitized to it."

Bottle rockets and Selma's vision

Juha Terho ponders, "When Selma's taste and smell were destroyed by
    the bottle rocket (8F20, see also "References to previous
    episodes" section in this episode), perhaps she lost also the
    vision from her other eye?  With a 3-D vision (two eyes), anyone
    should have realized right away that the mail-order husband was
    a flat cardboard cutout.  (Still, Selma extinguishing her cigarette
    on her tongue was hilarious.)"

Duff Beer Hall of Presidents

Quite sophisticated robots in there.  Lincoln's movements and perfect
     lip sync would be very difficult to actually carry out.  And
     Washington seemed to have a life of its own.

Cartoon physics

Juha Terho observes, "The same thing that happened in 9F01 was seen
    also in here: Bart hanging from the fast-going roller coaster cf.
    Otto hanging from the fire truck.  As we know, that is be
    impossible if the roller coaster or fire truck does not accelerate-
    and neither did.

    "Of course, this is not a goof, because The Simpsons is a cartoon.
    A similiar thing is the bumper cars moving with no source of
    energy."

I also noticed that the roller coaster cannot go into a loop without
    accelerating.  Maybe the Simpsons' world isn't so "real" as we
    imagined it to be.

Homer off-character

Jose Lafaurie says, "Homer seemed a little bit off-character in this
    episode, which is because he doesn't show the total despisement of
    his sisters-in-law than he usually does.  He hugs Patty and Selma,
    and at the end he holds Selma's hand in sympathy.  I just stood
    there and scratched my head."

A Damn Farce of a Light Show

    Yours truly mentions that the scene where Lisa can "see the music"
    parodies Disneyland's Main Street Electrical Parade. Anyone who's
    been to Disneyland knows that exhausting, irritating music and the
    flashing floats can really get on your nerves... but parents seem
    to like to watch them. D'oh!

The song girls sing after great sex all the time on TV

    "You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman)" was originally sung by
    Aretha Franklin for Atlantic Records in 1967.  It was co-written
    by Carole King, who, as Kevin Bowman tells me, later performed
    the song.

Special Guest Voice in this Episode

Phil Hartman is a regular guest voice.  But he voices more characters
    than in other episodes (five characters), the only other episode
    coming close to this is "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"
    where Hartman played most of the characters on cable TV.

Life Imitates Art

Benjamin Robinson tells us "Recently, a group of Florida high-schoolers
    was arrested during a school trip to Busch Gardens, Tampa, for 
    bringing some LSD along to the park.  (Which, I suppose, brings a 
    new meaning to "school trip.")  The incident happened shortly after 
    "Selma's Choice" hit the syndication circuit.  Coincidence?  Well, 
    yeah, probably.  But an INTERESTING coincidence, nevertheless."

Reviews

Benjamin Robinson - I thoroughly enjoyed "Selma's Choice" when it first
    aired, and it's still one of my favorites today.  The individual 
    sub-stories -- Gladys' funeral, Selma's attempts to become a 
    mother, and the trip to Duff Gardens -- are interesting, and tie
    together into a nicely cohesive whole.  I give this one a solid A.

Juha Terho:
	Technically one of the best episodes in a long time.  The
	backgrounds were also very detailed.  Just look at the audience
	in the very beginning or Gladys' chair in the video will.  The
	3-D sequence and Homer's fast-forward were expertly done.  So
	was the plot.  Duff Gardens connects very well to the main
	story concerning Selma.  And Jub Jub surprises us by returning
	at the end.  The only blunder was the ending, which was perhaps
	a little too abrupt.  Unlike most of the fourth season episodes,
	all jokes were related to the plot.

	Great visual gags, witty conversation, billions of one-liners,
	the most hilarious scene in the history of the series (Selma's
	date with Hans and her fantasy about their future)...  A
	full-packed episode.

	Springfield Sperm Bank and "Forgot my hat" were also very
	close seconds!  This is a work of a genius mind.
	"Hurrahhh...!"

	One of my all-time favorites, and definitely the best episode
	of the fourth season.  A.

Jose Lafaurie - This was a great episode.  I thoroughly enjoyed the way
    that Lisa frolicked around Duff Gardens.  And George Washington
    goes mad is my favorite flick.  GRADE: A+

Yours Truly - I loved "Selma's Choice". Selma makes a rebound off of
   the lackluster "Black Widower" and gets to interact more with OFF.
   _EXCELLENT_ rip of the beer-owned theme parks and Disneyland. And
   great Homer lines are the icing on the cake. Overall: A

Quotes and Scene Summary {dh} {jt}

[Curly braces ({}) indicate scenes cut in syndication]

A motorcycle and flaming buses, with a crowd around it.  The
motorcycle revs up and prepares to ride. The pilot flips on his 
visor, which reflects the fire. The motorcycle rides off the ramp, 
leaps over all the flame, then lands on another ramp. The camera 
follows the cycle as he waves but it moves too far when he crashes 
into a wall.  It moves back to see the wreckage. An announcer speaks.

Announcer: Hey, Lance Murdock, you just jumped sixteen blazing school
	   buses. What are you going to do now?
    Lance: [groaning] I'm going to... Duff... Gardens!
-- Disneyland would be my second choice, "Selma's Choice"

Announcer continues, "Duff Gardens, home of the Whiplash!" as a
Murdock in casts climbs upward on a roller coaster, which reaches
beyond the clouds. Another announcer mumbles quickly, "To be
completed in 1994."  Murdock approaches an empty space in the coaster
and teeters over, screaming.

Now Murdock is in a centrifuge with water at the bottom, strapped to
the wall with other tourists. The announcer says "And the Washing
Machine!" Murdock gets a blast of water in the face.

Bart, Lisa, and Homer are watching the commercial on TV. They share
an amazed, "Wow!"

Now a shot of a fish wading through beer. The announcer, well,
_announces_: "See the happiest fish in the world at our fabulous
Beer-Quarium!" The camera turns to see that the fish is really upside
down and joins other fish and a squid in a big mug of beer. One fish
continually bumps his head into the wall. Another spins around and
moans. And another fish lets out a belch.

Homer gets out his keys.

Bart, warm up the car. We're going to Duff Gardens!
-- Homer, "Selma's Choice"

In Bart's room, Bart and Lisa are getting ready, putting on their
shoes and such. Homer briefs them on what to do:

    Homer: Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?
Bart+Lisa: We're under six.
    Homer: And I'm a college student! Heh heh heh.
-- Sneaky theme park tricks, "Selma's Choice"

Marge walks in, looking sad and upset.

Marge: Kids, I have some bad news. I'm afraid your great-aunt Gladys
       has... passed on.
 Bart: Gladys, Gladys... big puffy hair, about yea high, big dent in
       forehead?
Marge: No... Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.
 Bart: [thinks for a moment]  [shudders]  Oh yeah, there she is.
-- "Selma's Choice"

Marge: The funeral's in Littleneck Falls. I'm afraid we'll have to
       go to Duff Gardens some other time.
 Lisa: We understand.
 Bart: No use complaining about something you can't change.
Homer: [pouting] But I want to go to Duff Gardens. Right now!
Marge: Homer, quit pouting.
Homer: [still pouting] I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. Stupid dead
       woman.
-- The trip to Duff Gardens is cancelled, "Selma's Choice"

I'm not pouting.  I'm mourning.
-- Homer, "Selma's Choice"

The family is in the car, in funeral garb, preparing to go to
Duff Gardens. Bart and Homer sing "On Top of Spaghetti". Marge
reprimands them. "If you don't mind, we're on our way to a funeral."
Homer changes his tune: "Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead."

The car approaches Patty and Selma standing outside their apartment,
with an impressive effect. Homer walks out of his car, and takes
a look at the sisters.

Homer: Patty, Selma, I'm sorry. [hugs them]
Selma: He's hugging us. What do we do?
Patty: Just close your eyes and think of MacGyver.
-- Homer meets his sisters-in-law, "Selma's Choice"

The family drives to the funeral. Patty and Selma sit in the car,
carrying cups full of cigarrette butts and ash. Patty shakes her
ash into a cup, then sighs.

Patty: I can't believe Aunt Gladys is really gone.
Selma: Her legend will live forever.
Homer: [imagining] Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman.
Homer: [laughs hysterically] Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's
       good!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: Wha--? D'oh!
-- Talk about a mindslip, "Selma's Choice"

Can we please stop somewhere?  My butt's asleep...
-- Selma, "Selma's Choice"

The family pulls into a diner and sloppily eat their food. Homer
tries out the "Just for Kids" maze, but ends up in the mouth of a
crocodile.   He crumbles up the paper and tosses it on the floor,
where it joins a whole bunch of other papers. The waitress passes by,
and offers Homer another placemat...

Marge thinks we should all take a moment to remember Aunt Gladys.
Flashback to Marge's sisters running off a pier past Gladys, who
simply watches them and smiles. They leap into the water and pull a
skydiver formation in the sea. Back to reality, Marge realizes, "Oh,
wait, that was `Prince of Tides.'"

{During the trip, Bart and Lisa play `the counting game' as luggage
falls from the roof of the car. "Nine, ten..."}

In the funeral home, the preist is delivering a eulogy.

He was a caring man, he was a kind man. He gave to his community and
asked little in return. He--
 [A man whispers something in his ear.]
[surprised] That's a _woman_? Oh, dear God!
-- The priest delivers his eulogy, "Selma's Choice"

Patty: [walks up to the podium] Take a hike, bozo. And that eulogy
       better not show up on the bill.
       I'll keep this short. Gladys lived alone, died alone. I guess
       you could say she was a role model for Selma and me. She
       wasn't a rich woman--
	[everyone gets up and leaves]
       -- but she was rich in spirit.
	[a man returns]
  Man: Forgot my hat.
-- Aren't I the popular one, "Selma's Choice"

"Trumpet Voluntary" plays as Bart approaches the coffin. He lifts up
Gladys' arm and drops it again, and does it over until Homer stops
him. Homer warns him not to hassle the dead. "They have eerie
powers."  Bart simply snorts and walks away. Homer looks at the
coffin and thinks to himself.

Homer: [thinking] Oh, I thought this thing was going to be catered.
       Boy, am I hungry. I mean, I'm really, really, hungry.
	[out loud] It's just not fair, dammit!
-- Homer really cared, "Selma's Choice"

Homer bangs his fist on the coffin and Marge comes by and leads
him away.  Lisa walks by and talks to Gladys.

Lisa: Good-bye, Aunt Gladys. I wish I had taken some time to get to
      know you better.
Bart: [from behind the coffin]
       [raspy] Don't worry about it.
      [Lisa screams and runs away from the coffin]
       Hahahaha!
-- I told you they had eerie powers, "Selma's Choice"

OFF, Selma, Patty and Jackie are in a room, when Lionel Hutz walks
in.

Hi, I'm Lionel Hutz, executor of Gladys Bouvier's estate. She left a
video will, so I earn my fee simply by pressing this "Play" button.
Pretty sweet, eh?
-- Lionel Hutz, "Selma's Choice"

The video is Gladys sitting on a chair.

Gladys: I would like to begin by reading a passage from Robert Frost.
	"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and...--"
	 [the tape fast-forwards. Homer did the deed.]
 Marge: Homer!
 Homer: All in favor of skipping the poem?
	 [everyone but Marge raises their hands]
 Homer: Thank you. [continues fast-forwarding]
-- A boring poem recital, "Selma's Choice"

The tape then continues...

Gladys: "... and that has made all the difference." Now let's get down
	to business. [Hutz's voice on the tape] To my executor, Lionel
	Hutz, I leave $50,000.
 Marge: MR. HUTZ!
  Hutz: You'd be surprised how often that works, you really would!
-- It worked in Kamp Krusty, "Selma's Choice"

Gladys: To Marge, I leave my potato chips that resemble celebrities.
	They're all here -- Otto von Bismarck, Maurice Chevalier,
	right down to Jay Leno. These chips were my children,
	Marjorie -- take special care of them.
	 [Homer eats said chips]
 Homer: [looking at them] Uh oh.
	 [continues to eat]
-- Bunker Hill was a worthless battle anyway, "Selma's Choice"

Gladys: To my sister Jackie, I leave my pet Iguana, Jub-Jub.
Jackie: Why didn't she just leave me the bowel obstruction that
	killed her?
-- "Selma's Choice"

Gladys leaves Patty and Selma a grandfather clock and a warning to
raise a family. She says, "Don't die lonely like me. Raise a family,
and do it now! Now! Now!"  Her words strike home with Selma, but
Patty is grateful for the grandfather clock.

The grandfather clock gongs at 12:00 midnight, and the family is
driving home. Homer is driving with Marge at his shoulder, and the
kids are sleep. Patty is asleep too, snoring loudly, but there is
no sleep for Commander Selma!  (Heh heh heh...) Selma is awake with
thought, and nudges Patty awake.

Selma: Aunt Gladys was right. There's something missing in our lives.
Patty: Don't worry. We'll get that barking dog record tomorrow.
-- "Selma's Choice"

Selma wants a baby, and Maggie fears for her life.

[End of Act One.  Time: 7'04"]

Selma's in a dating service room. A guy with a camcorder looks on,
while Selma sits in a chair, and lights up.  The cameraman tells
Selma to tell about herself. Selma tells the camera: "Well, I want to
have a baby before it's too late. You're looking at a free lunch,
boys.  Come and get it."  She growls amorously, and sticks her
cigarette into her mouth, and opens her mouth later, the cigarette
tied in a knot and put out.

Back to the loch with you, Nessie!
-- Groundskeeper Willy watches a date tape of Selma, "Selma's Choice"

Selma is with Princess Opal. Opal holds a love potion.

 Opal: [Gypsy accent] One drop of this love potion, and you will have
       any man you desire.
	[puts a drop on her tongue]
Selma: What are the magical ingredients?
 Opal: [Brooklyn voice] Oh, mostly corn syrup, a little rubbing
       alcohol.  You'll be lucky if it doesn't make your hair fall
       out actually.
	[looks at the bottle: "TRUTH SERUM"]
       Aagh!
-- A mistake anyone could make, "Selma's Choice"

Selma is shopping in a supermarket, her bags being put away by the
puberty kid, with a black guy (Arnold) on checkout.

The kid asks her something:

   Kid: Paper or plastic?
 Selma: You decide. [looks down] So, wearing a belt, are you?
   Kid: Uh-huh.
 Selma: No suspenders for you.
   Kid: [pauses] I guess not.
 Selma: Orange is really your color.
   Kid: They make us wear this.
 Selma: Shall we continue this conversation over dinner?
   Kid: Uh -- I'm not allowed to date customers. It's store policy.
Arnold: No, it isn't.
   Kid: [kicks him in the shin, whispering] Shut up!
Arnold: No, go for it, man!
-- Yeah, right!, "Selma's Choice"

In the DMV, Selma is giving the eye test to -- Hans Moleman. She puts
him through, pointing at each letter.  Hans struggles through the
letters. Selma stamps Hans' license "VOID". Then she stops to look at
it.

Selma: Wait a minute. It says here you're single.
 Hans: Did I do wrong?
-- You sure did, "Selma's Choice"

Selma at a restaurant with Hans. Hans is reading a menu, listing some
food items, among other things. The waitress passes by: "You're
reading the wine list, sir." Hans says "Very good." Later, Selma
driving Hans to her home.  "I don't know how to thank you for
dinner,"   Hans says. "Use your imaginaton," responds Selma, and
flutters her eyelashes flirtatiously.  Hans puckers up to kiss Selma.
Selma reels back, disgusted, thinking of what it would be like to
have children with this man: sightless, stupid kids. She throws him
out.

Selma: Get out of my car. [drives off]
 Hans: This isn't my house.
-- Selma ends a date, "Selma's Choice"

The family and Patty watch TV, another ad for Duff Gardens.

Anncr: Come to Duff Gardens, where roaming gangs aren't a problem
       anymore.
       Now featuring the clean-shaven sound of "Hooray for Everything"!
	[A large auditorium with the gang in a beer-bottle construct.]
  All: Hey, kids. Take a walk on the wild side!
  Boy: And all the races sing...
  All: Shoo-be-doo, shooby-dooby-doo, shoo-be-do, shooby-dooby-doo,
       yeah!
-- Clean-shaven sounds, indeed, "Selma's Choice"

 Bart: Can we go to Duff Gardens this weekend?
Homer: Sure. Unless another aunt dies.
-- "Selma's Choice"

Selma walks in.

Marge: Selma! You're back from your date already?
Selma: Yeah. I was so upset I ate a jar of expired olives. [sighs] I
       guess I'll never have a baby.
 Lisa: Aunt Selma, this may seem a little presumptious, but have you
       ever considered artificial insemination?
Homer: [laughs] I don't know. You gotta be pretty lame to make it
       with a robot. [Marge whispers in his ear] I knew that.
-- Making it with sperm in a cup, "Selma's Choice"

Selma's in a sperm bank, talking with a doctor.

 Selma: How do I know I'm getting quality?
Doctor: Don't worry. Our donors have to pass a rigourous screening
	process.
	 [Barney walks in a nurse's desk holding a cup]
Barney: All done!
 Nurse: Thank you, sir.
Barney: Always a pleasure. [looks at a baby] What a beautiful little
	girl.
	 [the baby burps like Barney]
-- Except for that guy, "Selma's Choice"

Marge is in Patty and Selma's apartment, reading a catalog along with
the sisters.

Marge: "101 Frozen Pops." [turns the page] A Nobel Prize Winner! An NBA
       All-Star! Ooh, one of the Sweathogs.
Selma: I checked. It's not Horshack.
-- Not Horshack? Get outta here, "Selma's Choice"

Marge tries to get Selma to think twice about having a baby this way.
Patty agrees. "You've had some bad experiences ordering out of
catalogues. Remember that mail order husband?" Flashback, the
doorbell rings in the twins' apartment, and Selma opens the door to
see a handsome man holding flowers. "Ooh, you look just like your
picture."  It's actually a cardboard cutout, and it drops to the
floor.

Back to reality.

Selma: Sorry, my mind's made up.
Patty: Why do you want to have a baby so bad?
Selma: I got a lot of love to give, and right now my only outlet is my
       ham radio.
Radio: [speaking foreign language] I have a ham radio.
Marge: Are you sure about this? A baby can really change your life.
Patty: You'll have to give up smoking.
Selma: I'll chew.
Patty: No man will ever want you.
Selma: All I got now is sperm in a cup.
Marge: Mmm.
Patty: Mmm.
Marge: Mmm.
Patty: Mmm.
Marge: Mmm.
Patty: Mmm.
-- She's got a point there, "Selma's Choice"

Marge and Homer are in bed, when Bart and Lisa run up to them.

       [Bart and Lisa talk simultaneously]
       [Bart pulls back the covers]
       [Homer looks grotesquely sick]
Bart: Oh, man, Dad's dead.
-- Can we still go to Duff Gardens?, "Selma's Choice"

Marge asks Homer if he's been eating a certain sandwich. Flashback
to the company picnic, where a large submarine lays on a table. Carl
talks to Homer.

 Carl: We hardly made a dent in that ten-foot hoagie.
Homer: I'll give it a good home.
	[flash to Homer in front of the TV, eating the sandwich.]
Marge: You've been eating that sandwich for over a week. I think the
       mayonnaise is starting to turn.
Homer: Two more feet, and I can fit it in the fridge.
	[flash to Marge walking up to Homer with a sandwich-looking
       thingamabob.]
Marge: Homer, I found this behind the radiator. I really think you
       should throw it away.
Homer: Suggestion noted.
	[when Marge leaves, Homer chows down]
-- Mmm, botulism, "Selma's Choice"

Back to reality.

Homer: Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.
Marge: Are you going to eat it?
Homer: [pause] Yes.
-- Honesty is the best policy, "Selma's Choice"

Marge: You look awful!
Homer: I don't care. I'm going to Duff Gardens!
	[his face quivers and he drops to the floor, crawling away]
-- A man with a mission, "Selma's Choice"

In the car. Homer shivers inside a blanket, his skin looks extremely
pale.

Homer: S-s-ssoo coolld...
Marge: Homey, your lips are turning blue. I think you'd better stay
       home.
Homer: No! Duff Gardens, hurraaahhh... [faints on the car horn]
-- That's what you get for eating months-old hoagies, "Selma's Choice"

Selma's in the car with the kids. Marge is staying with Homer.

Marge:  I want to thank you for taking care of the kids on such
       short notice.
Selma: We'll have fun, won't we kids?
 Bart: To get to Duff Gardens, I'd ride with Satan himself.
Selma: That's the spirit. 
-- "Selma's Choice"

 Lisa: Bye, Dad, don't eat any solids.
Homer: But I love solids.
-- They're so sweet and tasty, "Selma's Choice"

     Bart: It won't be any fun without you, Dad.
	    [the car shoves off]
Bart+Lisa: YAY!
-- The kids head to Duff Gardens, "Selma's Choice"

Homer reprimands the hoagie, but ends up huggng it, and Marge slaps
Homer on the back and he drops the sandwich into the trash.

[End of Act Two.  Time: 13'11"]

Bart, Lisa, and Selma approach Duff Gardens.

 Lisa: [reading from the pamphlet] The Duff Beer-amid contains so much
       aluminum it would take five men to lift it. Twenty-two immigrant
       laborers died during its construction.
Selma: Eh, there's plenty more where that came from.
-- Selma, anti-immigrant, "Selma's Choice"

They're in the park. A fat lady holds balloon and Lisa points.

 Lisa: Look! The Seven Duffs!
 Bart: There's Tipsy and Queasy...
 Lisa: There's Surly and Remorseful...
	[Surly pushes Remorseful aside]
	[a kid takes a picture of Surly]
Surly: Take a picture, it'll last longer. Get outta here.
	[the kid runs off]
-- Truly in character, "Selma's Choice"

"Hail to the Chief" plays as Selma, Bart and Lisa attend the Duff
Hall of Presidents. Of course, they're all robots. Abe Lincoln stands
up.

Lincoln: Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brewed a
	 refreshing drink from hops and barley. [drinks his Duff and
         starts beatboxing] We-e-ll, I'm Rappin' A.B. and I'm here to
	 say, if you want to drink beer, well Duff's the only way! I
	 said the only way! Break down!
	  [crushes a beer can on his head]
   Lisa: This is a disgrace.
  Selma: Hey, if it's this bad, it has to be educational.
-- I sincerely doubt it, "Selma's Choice"

But Selma catches Bart pulling down Washington's pants. Washington's
eyes glow and he looks menacingly at Bart, who pulls back.

{At home, Marge hospitalizes Homer, who is wearing the Foam Dome.}

{What are the odds to getting sick on a Saturday?  A thousand to one.}
-- Homer, "Selma's Choice"

{Marge presents rented video tapes to Homer.  Homer likes the sounds
of Yentl, so Marge presumes he must be delirious.}

Bart, Lisa and Selma are at the souvenir stand. Bart spots something
interesting:

 Bart: [reading] "BEER GOGGLES: See life through the eyes of a drunk."
	[puts them on]
	[Selma becomes a foxy lady]
Selma: You're charming the pants off of me.
 Bart: [removing glasses] What did you say, Aunt Selma?
Selma: I said take off those damn glasses!
-- At Duff Gardens, "Selma's Choice"

Selma collapses on a bench, but Bart and Lisa refuse to be stopped.
They drag Selma along to an extremely long line.  She grunts, but
Bart says "If the line's this long, it's got to be good." It's
actually the complaint line. The complaint line lady pointedly tells
off a hippie.

Back at the Simpsons household. Homer and Marge watch Yentl together,
which Homer actually enjoys?!

Marge: Homer, you've cooled down!
Homer: That's what you think! Rrowr! [grabs Marge]
-- Feeling hot, "Selma's Choice"

Marge: [laughs] You know, I rented another movie, in case you felt
       better.
	[hands it to him]
Homer: "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules".
Marge: With Norman Fell as Zeus.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
-- "Selma's Choice"

Bart, Lisa and Selma "enjoy" a horrid little ride of commercialism,
jingles and robots. They watch boredly until Bart finally states his
opinion:

Bart:  I want to get off.
Selma: You _can't_ get off, we have five more continents to visit.
-- The kids and Selma ride "Little Land of Duff", "Selma's Choice"

Bart dares Lisa to drink the "water", but she's unsure. After a round
of chicken clucks and "Quit it!"s, Selma orders Lisa to drink the
water.  Well, since she has no choice, Lisa takes a sip. The world
turns swirly, and reality fades away as the water's poisons take
effect.  Selma looks like a huge monster to Lisa. "What's wrong? You
just put your head right here," but Selma's shoulder turns into a
mouthly beast. Lisa yells and tries to whack the rest of the guys 
(that's a woman?!) with an oar.

Back in the Simpsons household. Homer and Marge watch the X-rated
video.  It's typical plotless fare.

Lisa walks out of the ride, sputtering and snarling, carrying a
Hawaii robot. She tosses it aside and walks away like a drunkard. 
Bart runs off in a separate direction. Selma follows them out, then
stands and yells for the kids. Lisa has teetered into the Electrical
Parade.  On Cloud Nine, Lisa swirls around and looks at her own 
hands, and waves them in front of her.

I can see the music!
-- Lisa after getting whacked up on "water", "Selma's Choice"

Bart's on a high-speed roller coaster, just making the required
height.  He's measured by a worker, who lets him on. But Bart had
candied apples on his feet.  The strap that comes down on him is
barely protective as the released car flies off, leaving Bart hanging
on for dear life by the bar.  After a slight bureaucratic hesitation,
the ride is stopped - at the top of a loop. Bart hangs for dear life
downward, and Selma and Surly watch from below.

Selma: Surly, can't you do something.
Surly: Ey, Surly only looks out for one guy -- Surly.
Selma: Hm, sorry, Surly.
Surly: Shut up!
-- Don't mess with Surly, "Selma's Choice"

In the security office, Selma tries to talk things over with the
personnel.

Don't blame these kids, it's not their fault. I think their father's
missing a chromosome.
-- Selma blames the Duff Gardens incident on Homer, "Selma's Choice"

The officer reprimands her because Bart did so much wreckage.

Officer 2: We found this one swimming naked in the Fermentarium.
	    [Lisa, heaping jittery, covered by a towl]
     Lisa: [raises her arms] I am the Lizard Queen!
-- Lisa whacked out on wowee sauce, "Selma's Choice"

A fellow hands Selma lots of pills and instructs her to give them
to Lisa.

 Selma: Thank you, doctor.
Doctor: Oh, I'm not a doctor.
-- But I play one on TV!, "Selma's Choice"

At the Simpsons household, Marge is cooking beans when lo and behold,
mighty Homercles appears!

Homercles: Come to Homercles!
    Marge: [laughs] I can't! The beans will burn!
Homercles: Homercles cares not for beans!
	    [lifts up Marge on her shoulder]
-- Wow, he's in for some lovin', "Selma's Choice"

They walk into Selma and the kids returning from Duff Gardens. Marge
looks embarrassed.

Homer: Hi, kids, how was Duff Gardens?
 Lisa: Can't talk, coming down. [takes some pills]
-- Lisa under psychedelia, "Selma's Choice"

Selma: How do you do it, Homer?
Homer: You take an ordinary bedsheet, fold it around like th--
Selma: No, I mean raising kids! I just couldn't cut it today. All I
       wanted was a little version of me I could hold in my arms.
-- Then hold a snake, "Selma's Choice"

Back in her apartment, Selma hold Jub-Jub in her arms, while Patty
videotapes the moment.

Selma: Oh, Jub-Jub.
Patty: When I went to pick him up, Mom was trying to stab him with a
       hat pin.
-- Close enough, "Selma's Choice"

Selma sings "Natural Woman" to Jub-Jub.  The real music chimes in,
along with the singer.

[End of Act III.  Time: 19'49"]

"You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman)" plays on the credits.
[I'm working off memory here -- please correct me if I'm wrong]

	 Oh, baby, what you've done to me
	 You made me feel so good inside
	 Now I just wanna be close to you
	 You made me feel so right

	 'Cause you make me feel
	 You make me feel
	 You make me feel
	 Like a natural woman

The Gracie tune is absent; instead the song ends and Selma says
flirtatiously, "Oh, yeah."

Contributions

{ddg} - Don Del Grande
 {dh} - Dave Hall
 {gm} - Gregory Martin
 {jl} - Jose Lafaurie
{bjr} - Benjamin Robinson 
 {jt} - Juha Terho

Legal crud

The above compilation of observations, quote summaries, statistics, and
other miscellaneous information copyright 1996 Chips-Fey Productions.
Not to be used in a public forum without explicit permission from the
author (Ricardo Lafaurie Jr.) or his brother Jose Lafaurie.

Any quoted material above remains property of the original authors;
mainly, quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The
Simpsons, and copyright to Twentieth Century Fox.  The compilation is
what I did.  So don't sue.

This capsule is dedicated to the memory of Doris Grau.  May her raspy,
harsh Yiddish voice live on in us all.