The Simpsons Trading Cards

On the back of 40 of the cards are pieces to a big "puzzle"; a few cards show what the final picture will look like. It mentions "Picture A" -- mebbe there's gonna be another series of cards? The final picture is nearly everyone at the miniature golf course. With each packet comes a "sticker"; we haven't seen any above #22. Also they're not really stickers; they're more like "people cards" (they have no sticker on them).

Rather than list what's on each of the stickers, too, these are the board quotes from them:

Sticker & Quote

1. Biting is unsanitary and rude.
2. I will not belch the national anthem.
3. I will not encourage others to fly.
4. Giving people wedgies is not clever.
5. I will not do anything bad ever again.
6. I will not drive the principal's car.
7. I will spend my time productively.
8. Tar is not a plaything.
9. I will not lie, cheat, or spit.
10. I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom.
11. I will not add to our nation's problems.
12. Krusty the Clown is not God.
13. Hamsters do not eat onion rings.
14. I will not trade pants with others.
15. I will not do that thing with my tongue.
16. I will not undermine traditional American values.
17. Cursing is a crutch.
18. I am not a 32 year old woman.
19. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
20. I will not sell school property.
21. I will not get very far with this attitude.
22. I will not underestimate my own popularity.

Card with Description/Back

1. Marge saying "Don't forget your lunches!"
   The Simpsons' neighbors are ...

   Maggie peeking from her playpen saying "Suck!"

   Puzzle piece.

   "I'm Lisa Simpson--I'm above domestic cleaning!"

   What did the babysitter do once Marge & Homer were gone?

   "I'm Bart Seemp-Seau, famous underwater explorer!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Homer: "No more television--for all eternity!"

   What was the name of The Simpsons' therapist?

   Bart: "I have an announcement to make: I'm bored!"

   What did Bart learn in Sunday School?

   "Marge--you're my wife, but cupcakes are my mistress!"

   What grade is Bart in?

   Bart's perspective lying in bed with everyone looking at him; Homer says, "Calm down, boy! It was just a nightmare!"

   Puzzle piece.

   "Comics are for kids, boy!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart, Lisa, & Maggie on the couch; Bart: "Time for our favorite cartoon, `Itchy & Scratchy!'"

   What was Bart *not* forced to do in France?

   "The family that mambos together, stays together!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart relaxing, then Homer: "Bart!!" "Uh, oh..."

   Puzzle piece.

   "Are we at Weenie Barn yet?"

   What did Lisa accuse Bart taking a photo of?

   "We're grown-ups and you're the children-- understand??"

   How did Bart get out of genius school?

   Marge as a little girl: "Help! I'm a fully developed female trapped inside the body of a child!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Maggie holding onto branch over falls: "Suck! Suck!"

   What game does Bart beat Homer at repeatedly?

   Big Bart & Big Lisa to Little Homer & Little Marge: "Now get in there and clean up that mess!"

   How did Bart get into genius school?

   Homer: "Come back here, you little smartass!"

   What did Marge do at Homer's company picnic?

   Bart: "Tolstoy Schmolstoy! Space Mutants II is what I call a work of genius!"

   What snack treat would Homer be unlikely to eat?

   Homer: "I'm no supervising technician...I'm a technicial supervisor." [yes, technicial]

   What does Marge hide in her hair?

   "All right! `America's Most Armed And Dangerous' is on!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Three kids watching tv laughing "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Maggie between playpen bars: "Suck! Suck! Suck!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Lisa: "Homework is society's way of torturing their young!"

   Who is the bully at Bart's school?

   Homer: "No reststops for the next 16 hours!"

   What the final puzzle will look like.

   Bart in bathtub: "Zee brave undair sea exploraire wrestles ze yuge sea monstair to zee better end."

   Bart drew a picture of Principal Skinner on the school. What did it say?

   Bart outta bathtub: "Look Homer, clean as a whistle!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Kids watching T.V.; Bart: "We can never let him down. He'll kill us." Lisa: "Exactly."

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart on bed reading comic book & drinking a soda: "Don't bug me. I'm studying, man!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart blue cold in bath: "And don't come out till you sparkle, boy!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart looking in dark room: "Maggie? Lisa? You in there?"

   Where was Maggie when The Simpsons were stranded in the woods?

   Lisa: "Should I turn on the tv?" Bart: "It already is on."

   Puzzle piece.

   Homer's hanging upside down; Bart: "Don't have a cow, man!"

   Bart's teacher's name is...

   Homer: "Bart! Get back here!!!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Maggie being carried away by balloons; voice from below: "Anybody seen Maggie?"

   Puzzle piece.

   Homer: "Marge, let's run away from home."

   Who drives Bart and Lisa's schoolbus?

   Homer, Maggie, Marge, & Bart looking down at a baby, presumably Maggie; Homer: "Gootchie gootchie goo!" Marge: "She's such an adorable infant!" Bart: "I think she needs her diaper changed, man!"

   Homer was once mistaken for ... [think first season]

   Bart inside TV w/ a LIH doll: "It's The Bart Simpson Show, starring Bart Simpson, and featuring the Bart Simpson orchestra and the Bart Simpson dancers."

   Marge's bowling instructor's name was...

   Bart "studying" again: "Quiet! Genius at work, man!"

   What does Homer do in church instead of paying attention?

   Homer to back seat: "Shut up back there, you little smart alecks!"

   Who was the "Jazzman" that Lisa met?

   "Bart! Did you eat all the pork rinds?!"

   Who is Bart's hero?

   H&M in car: "What'll it be tonight, Marge? The Rusty Barnacle or The Singing Sirloin?"

   Homer's job at the nuclear power plant is?

   Maggie in playpen: "Suck! Suck! Suck!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Homer: "March your butts straight up to bed, you little hellions! Pronto!" Bart: "Can the rest of our bodies stay up and play?"

   Homer's boss hates Marge's...

   Lisa & Maggie weilding ties aplenty: "Happy Father's Day, Dad. They were 12 for a dollar at Bud's `Big 'n' Wide' Shop."

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart, Lisa, & Maggie in front of a closet: "Stand back, comrades! The smell alone from this closet can be lethal!"

   What is Krusty the Clown's famous saying?

   Bart: "There's nothing more disheartening to young fertile minds than the 5:00 news hours!"

   The exchange student who stayed with The Simpsons was from...

   Bart "studying": "Right on, dude!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart flying a kite, Homer yells: "What do you think you are, Thomas Edison?!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Homer looking at a closet (after #46?): "This looks like the work of one Bartholomew J. Simpson!"

   How many strands of hair are there on top of Homer's head?

   Homer: "You said `Left'." Marge: "I said `Right'."

   What bar does Homer frequent?

   Marge: "It's quiet." Homer: "Yeah. Too quiet!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart holding microphone: "Kids out there in T.V. land...you're being duped!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart: "There's only so much one hell raisin' kid can take, man!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Lisa: "It's amazing how much beauty and intelligence can fit into such a petite frame!"

   Why did Bart cut the head off of Jebediah Springfield?

   Bart: "AAAUUUGHHH!" (Dunno why.)

   Homer's boss' name is..

   Homer & Bart in a spiral of sorts; Homer says, "Who ate my cookies?!!!"

   What name hasn't Bart called Lisa?

   Homer waking up Bart for school: "Back off Homer. I happen to be having some very educational dreams."

   The name of the school that Bart & Lisa attend is...

   Homer: "I said knock it off!!"

   Homer's nickname for Marge's sisters is...

   Lisa standing next to Maggie, looking up at Homer: "Don't blame us, Dad! We're merely acting under the whim of our genetic programming!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Homer to kids: "Go to bed! Go to bed right now!!"

   What is Homer's middle initial?

   Marge: "There's only one cookie left!" Homer: "And somebody's responsible!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart: "I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything."

   What was Krusty the Clown accused of?

   Bart sliding down banister: "Gangway man!"

   The name of the belly dancer Homer danced with was...

   Homer wearing apron: "Which one of you ate my last donut!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Voice from the livingroom at night: "Bart?" Bart (sneaking somewhere) "Uh oh gotta hide."

   Puzzle piece.

   Kids running: "Last one to the breakfast table is a wimp, man!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Homer: "God help me."

   Puzzle piece.

   Lisa: "Bart, you're such a dimwit!"

   Puzzle piece.

   "I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?"

   Puzzle piece.

   Marge: "Your father's chasing after Bart because he loves him." Lisa: "Nice try Mom."

   Why did Lisa refuse to play dodge ball?

   Homer yelling: "BBAARRTTTT!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Lisa: "I can't wait to see the Happy Little Elves!" Bart: "Oh, grow up, man! The Crappy Little Elves are for babies!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Inside the TV; Homer: "Why you little...!!!" Bart: "Let's break for a commercial."

   Puzzle piece.

   Homer to Lisa & Maggie: "For the last time, I'm the parent and you're the children!"

   What did Bart's tattoo say?

   Homer to Marge: "I think it's time to go down to the Dairy Den for some frosty chocolate milkshakes!"

   What is the name of The Simpsons' dog?

   Marge: "Let's take turns yelling into the canyon, Lisa, you start." Lisa: "Okay. BORRRRRRING!!!"

   What did Bart do to the statue of Jebediah Springfield?

   Homer: "Marge! Where's the personals section of today's paper?!"

   Marge's sisters' names are...

   Lisa, with Bart & Maggie in a trashed room: "We have no idea who made this mess."

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart on couch: "This is the life, man!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart swinging with Lisa: "Me, Bartunga!" "Me, Leesumba!"

   Puzzle piece.

   Kids dancing: "Unga, bunga, yunga, ho!"

   What did Homer pawn to pay the family therapy?

   Lisa seeing Bart mowing lawn: "There is justice in the world, Maggie."

   Puzzle piece.

   Maggie going down those falls: "Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck."

   Another picture of what the final puzzle will look like.

   Someone looking thru keyhole to Homer coming towards the door: "Uh, oh...."

   Yet another picture of the final version.

   Bart on couch w/ Maggie & Lisa: "Another day of parental oppression."

   Puzzle piece.

   Bart on huge boulder going down hill: "Aye carumba!"

   Final puzzle again.

   Voice (Bart probably) from offscreen: "Apple polisher!" Lisa: "Thank you very much, I take that as a compliment!"

   What is Krusty's sidekick's name?

HTMLized November 17th, 1995 by Dave Hall