The Lionel Hutz FileThis page is dedicated to the memory of Phil Hartman (1948-1998) & Sir Lionel Luckhoo (1918-1997)
_____________________ / The Hutz File V5.0 \_________________________________________ =================================================================\ Maintained by Haynes Lee (email@example.com) | | First compiled June 19, 1995 | Date of final revision December 17, 2002 | | If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. | Can you imagine a world without lawyers? | -Lionel Hutz, "Marge In Chains" | |Legend:
CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Hall (appearances), Sherry Hale (law schools), Jordan Lewis (dream team), Paul Jamie Cowan (trading card), Steve Odabashian (quotes), Carol Fipp (Lionel Hutz contract), Victar <ctr113062#aol.com> (appearances, quotes, Simspons Illustrated, Bongo, Card, Bart's Guide to Life, Simpsons Calander, etc.), Gene Hayes (legal references format), Adam Baker (Dr. Falk), JTMacc#aol.com (After Dark), Digital Puer (alias).
1. Personal1. Who is Lionel Hutz?
Lionel Hutz, AKA Miguel Sánchez, AKA Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, is an unscrupulous ambulance-chasing "law talking guy" hired by the less affluent citizens of Springfield, mainly the Simpson family.
Note on the alias "Dr. Nguyen Van Falk" (as spelled in the closed captioning). UCLA Law Student Adam Baker says "Thoc" is a Vietnamese name while "Falk" is not, and thus his alias would be entirely Vietnamese (and entirely without credibility). Also "Nguyen" is mispronounced as "noo-yen" which can be taken as "Noonien", like from two Star Trek episodes: Khan Noonien Singh and Noonien Soong (Data's creator).
1.3 Where does Lionel Hutz live?
1.5 Who is Lionel Hutz named after?
Lastly, the name Hutz is German.
2. Professional2.1 Where did Lionel Hutz go to school?
Harvard, Yale, MIT, Oxford, the Sorbonne, the Louvre. (Hint: MIT is renown for its science programs but does not have a law school. The Louvre is a museum in Paris, France (that's where the Mona Lisa is kept), and not a law school by any means. Sorbonne is a university in Paris, France. However, it does have a law school. IMHO Hutz got his law degree from a diploma mill. [7F10]
2.3 Where is Lionel Hutz's law office?
2.4 What else does Lionel Hutz do on the side?
Also, in [1F16] ("Burns' Heir") Lionel Hutz can be seen clustering around Burns' front door with the rest of the mob after Bart removed Burns' "No Soliciting" sign. It's a very brief, top-down perspective scene, but you can recognize his blue suit and brownish haircut. Of course Lionel's main role the story comes later on... ("We really should stop hiring him" :).
2.5 Does he have a secretary?
2.6 Did Hutz ever win any case?
2.7 What color is his hair?
2.8 How many drinks does Lionel Hutz rate in the Simpsons
2.9 Why does Hutz comb his hair with a fork? [1F04]
2.10 What were the odds for Hutz shooting Burns?
2.11 Was Hutz married to Selma??!!
3. Case HistoryRating system:
4. Who Is This Other Lawyer?The "Pastey-faced Lawyer" is the nasal anal-retentive lawyer who is retained by Mr. Burns and other corporate clientele. Also is the prosecutor or district attorney.
4.1 What is the "lawyer bird" mentioned in [8F15]?A sandpiper-type bird called the avocet (avocat being French for lawyer or advocate).
... from which its perpetual clamour and flippancy of tongue, is called by the inhabitants of Cape May, the Lawyer.
On the New Jersey coast, it is sometimes called the lawyer, on account of its long bill.
5. QuotesHutz: Hutz is the name Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water.
Homer: Ooh, classy.
Hutz: I will like to talk to you about bringing legal action
to the fiend who did this to your boy.
Hutz: Any calls Della?
#Della: The Supreme Court called again. They need your help on some freedom thing.
Lisa: Excuse me, Mr. Hutz. Are you a shyster?
Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. What's that, a broken neck? Great!
Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement.
You'll be getting more than just a lawyer, Mr. Simpson. You'll also be getting this exquisite faux pearl necklace, a $99 value, as our gift to you.
Wrong!!! You are not fine! You are in terrible pain!
Yeah, but what is truth? If you follow me.
Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and
nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Now that's believable testimony.
Opposing Counsel: What is your opinion of him?
Why don't I just give you this pen with my phone number on it. It looks just like a cigar. Isn't that something!
Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!
Judge: Case dismissed!
Marge: So, Mr. Hutz, does my husband have a case?
Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!
Hutz: Mrs Simpson, your sexual harassment case is just what I need
to rebuild my shattered career! Care to join me in a belt of
Hutz: Mr. Burns, we've got witnesses, precedent and a paper trail a mile long.
Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent
advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending
Captain: 'Twas a moonless night, dark as pitch, when out the mist
Lionel Hutz, executor of Ms. Bouvier's estate. She left a video-will so I earn my fee simply by pressing the "play" button. Pretty sweet, eh?
Late Ms. Bouvier [video-will]: Now let's get down to business...
Hutz: Don't worry, Homer. I have a foolproof strategy to get
you out of here. Surprise witnesses, each more surprising
than the last. The judge won't know what hit him.
Hutz: Now Marge, you've come to the right place. By hiring me
as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey.
Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more
attractive. Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Now Apu, Mrs. Simpsons claims she forgot she was carrying that bottle of... delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors. What's that? You want me to drink you? I'm in the middle of a trial.
Hutz: Now Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name.
Hutz: Kids, I have a crazy feeling your mother's not going to prison.
Hutz: And so, ladies and gentleman of the jury I rest my case.
Judge: The foreman will pass the verdict to the bailiff.
Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I
couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of
course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an
# Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have
Don't touch my stuff! Hey, this isn't the YMCA...
Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all of your personal papers?
Marge: Homer! Are you all right?
Hutz: First some ground rules. Number one, we get bathroom
breaks every half-hour.
That was a right-pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as "an agreement under the law which is unbreakable." Which is unbreakable! Excuse me, I must use the restroom.
! Hutz: I didn't win. Here's your pizza.
Hutz: Well, you good folks can rest easy now because you've come
to the very best in legal representation.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to prove to you not only that Freddy Quimby is guilty, but that he is also innocent of not being guilty.
Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case.
My problem is I'm a real user of women. I move in right away and stay until the money's gone.
Hutz: Mr. Mayor, is it true you rigged the election?
I'll have you know the contents of that dumpster are private! You stick your nose in, you'll be violating attorney-dumpster confidentiality.
Milhouse baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, unauthorized biographer and drug dealer..., er keeper awayer.
Well, for a case this complex, I had to assemble a crack team of lawyers: Ronald Shaporo, trial attorney, Albert Dershman, who can hold three billiard balls in his mouth.
Hutz: All right gentleman. I will take your case. But
I will require a thousand dollar retainer.
Hutz's edited ad
#Hutz: Now Mr. Lampwick. When Rogers Meyers stole your character...
Judge: Mr. Hutz w've been in here for four hours.
Do you have any evidence at all?
Bart: Keep the trial open. I'll be right back.
The Surprise Witnesses:
Leave the gum in. Bazooka Joe's got big pockets.
It's a thorny legal issue, all right.
You see, the law business was a little slow and since most of my clients end up losing their houses this [selling real-estate] is a natural move for me, Yes, the money is good. But the beauty of it is you get to stay in the house until it's sold.
But there's the truth... and the truth.
Hutz: "Your Honor, Lisa Simpson is a charming, hard-working young girl..."
"Objection--prejudicial. Allow me to restate... Lisa Simpson is
an unrepentant thief of my client's creativity!"
Phil Hartman interviewed in Las Vegas Sun on (May 28, 1998) two weeks before deathThe Movie Guys: Was Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer based on special prosecutor Kenneth Starr?
Phil: (laughs) Could've been. Frozen Caveman Lawyer has the same voice as Lionel Hutz, Ambulance Chasing Attorney. (Phil goes into the voice of Lionel Hutz) "Mrs. Simpson, I think your son could be seriously injured. I'd like to take him to a chiropractic specialist by the name of Dr. Nick Riviera, who might find soft-tissue damage that your physician might be unaware of." (laughs) Now, the same voice says; "I'm just a caveman who fell through some ice and was later thawed by your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me." (laughs)
6. Trading CardCourtesy of Paul Jamie Cowan <minotaur#gpo.swin.edu.au>
6.1 Other Cards
Here's two more references to Lionel in the Simpsons trading cards (first series)
Excerpt from the back of Princess Kashmir card (#S24)
"Princess Kashmir is a serious actress just waiting for a break... She most recently appeared as a 'passing motorist' in a whiplash claim litigated by Lionel Hutz."
Excerpt from the back of Dr. Nick Riviera card (#S37)
"...In addition to his famous cut-rate surgical practice (any operation for $129.95), Dr. Nick frequently appears as an expert witness in attorney Lionel Hutz's many malpractice lawsuits. In a recent case, Dr. Nick testified on behalf of several ice hockey players who sued the city of Springfield for mental anguish they suffered when they fell on ice that was allegedly 'overly slippery.'"
7. Simpsons Illustrated-Placed ad in pullout copy of the Springfield Shopper. Premier issue (Spring 1991)
[Lionel's ad begins]
[Lionel's ad ends]
A spotlight article on Harry "Winks" Winkler tells us that the $12,500 was settlement money, which Winkler got from SNPP over an accident involving a whipped-cocoa machine.
-There's a Lionel mini-appearance in the Winter 1993 issue of Simpsons Illustrated. p. 35 has a "Name that Toon" quiz; Lionel is toon #19. His sketchy picture has him in a full-forward pose, instead of the three-quarters pose in which Springfieldians are usually seen.
8. Bongo Comics-Prepared contract for Krusty for Flanders to sign in Krusty #1.
[Beginning of Contract]
[End of Contract]
9. Simpsons Books
9.1 Bart's Guide to Life
p.89 Lionel and four other male attorneys (including the nasal pasty-faced lawyer with glasses, though his skin is notably more yellow than usual) illustrate the vocabulary-enriching phrase, "a prey of lawyers." They all look at you with half-closed, sardonic eyes and evil sneers. A bald lawyer carries a sheaf of papers. The pasty-faced lawyer has a briefcase. Lionel offers the bill.
pp.134-135 Lionel's two-page spread advertisement:
[begin Lionel's ad]
[end Lionel's ad]
p.137 notes that "It's against the law for monkeys to smoke cigarettes" in South Bend, IN
9.2 Simpsons Uncensored Family Album
A book called "The Simpsons Uncensored Family Album" has one of Lionel's business cards taped in it. This card seems to have subtle differences from the one we saw in the show, and it doesn't look like a sponge, either...
9.3. The Simpsons: A Complete Guide to Our Favorite FamilyProfile of Lionel Hutz on page 44 (summary of "Bart Gets Hit By A Car" episode). Other mentions on pages 52, 93, 100, 105-106, 115, 124, 126, 128, 140, 172-173, 181-182, 200, 226.
9.4. ARE WE THERE YET? THE SIMPSONS: GUIDE TO SPRINGFIELD
10. COLLECTOR'S FIGURE
10.1 AFTER DARK SOFTWAREIn the screen saver Berkeley's Simpsons After Dark Hutz doesn't say anything and only makes an appearance in the "Physics" module. This screen saver has the floating heads of many Simpson characters, and Hutz is probably in there.
Last updated on December 17, 2002 by Haynes Lee (firstname.lastname@example.org)