Religion on the Simpsons

Episodes With Religious Themes
First Church of Springfield
Marquee Announcements
Sunday School
Bible References
Holy Water References
References to Heaven and Angels
Prayers
Other Religious and Misc. References
Religious Music and Singing

Episodes With Religious Themes

[7G08] "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" - Christmas theme in our first episode!

[8F05] "Like Father, Like Clown" - Krusty finds his father Rabbi Krustofsky

[9F01] "Homer the Heretic" Homer gives up church

[3F02] "Bart Sells His Soul" - Bart sells his soul for $5

[5F23] "The Joy of Sect" - The Simpsons Family join the Movementarian cult until Marge comes to her senses and rescues the family

[AABF14] "Simpsons Bible Stories" episode featuring Adam & Eve, Moses and David & Goliath.

[BABF10] "Alone Again, Natura-Diddly" - Maude Flanders death leads Ned to question God and his faith

[BABF11] "Missionary: Impossible" - Homer becomes a South Seas missionary

[CABF15] "I'm Goin' to Praiseland" Ned Flanders opens Praiseland Amusement Park

[DABF02] "She of Little Faith" - First Church of Springfield struck by Simpson rocket and burns; temporarily goes commercial! Lisa becomes a Buddhist.

[EABF06] "Pray Anything" - Homer believes in the power of prayer and The Simpsons end up living in the church

[FABF01] "Today I am A Clown" - Long delayed, Krusty finally has a Bar Mitzvah

[GABF09] "The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star" - Bart and Homer convert to Catholicism

[GABF14] "Thank God, It's Doomsday" episode mimics the book "Left Behind" with "Left Below" about the end times (or armageddon, as described in the book of Revelation from the Bible)

[HABF01] "Simpsons Christmas Stories", with segments "The First D'oh-El", "I Saw Grampa Cussing Santa Claus" and "The Nutcracker...Sweet"

[HABF11] "The Wettest Stories Ever Told" includes as its first segment The Mayflower, with the flight of the puritans to the colonies for religious freedom

[HABF14] "The Monkey Suit" covers evolution vs. creationism

[JABF01] "Kill Gil, Volumes 1 & 2" Another Christmas episode, opening with Christmas couch scene, ice capades; When Costington's Department Store Santa Gil gives Lisa a sold out Malibu Stacy set his boss had set aside for his daughter, Gil is fired on Christmas Eve, so the Simpsons let him stay for Christmas Eve

First Church of Springfield

[7G07] Sermon on Gambling

[7F20] Marriage Retreat

[9F14] Alconon Meetings

[9F14] Coping with Senility

[9F21] 'Hallelujah Trading Cards' Sale

Joseph of Arimathea [26 conversions in 46 AD]

autographed Methuselah rookie card

[1F14] Bingo (loosest cards in town)

[1F14] Wednesdays---Monte Carlo Night

[1F14] Saturday---Reno Retreat

[1F14] Outing on the Church Bus

[4F07] Rescue Center

[4F16] Church Thrift Shop "Nobody beats the Rev"

[5F16] Church picnic

[BABF10] Kovenant with Rachel Jordan sings

[DABF02] Struck by Simpson rocket and burns; temporarily goes commercial!

[EABF06] Homer believes in the power of prayer and The Simpsons end up living in the church

Marquee Announcements

[7F13] God, the original love connection

[7F15] 2:00 Peterson Wedding, 8:00 Hayride to Heaven

[8F05] [At Temple Beth Springfield] Rabbi Hyman Krustofski - This Saturday "Coping With Christmas"

[8F12] Every Sunday is super Sunday

[9F01] Today's Topic: When Homer met Satan

[9F21] Today: what a f iend we have in God, Also: the Be sharps

[1F05] Today's Topic: Be Like Unto The Boy

[1F14] Loosest Bingo cards in town

[1F21] Private Wedding, Please worship elsewhere

[2F04] Evil women in history: from Jezebel to Janet Reno

[3F02] No shoes, no shorts, no salvation

[4F07] God welcomes his victims

[4F13] No synagogue parking

[4F18] Next Sunday: the miracle of shame

[4F18] The listen lady is in

[4F18] Today's Sermon: Conquest of the county of the apes

[5F02] Today's Sermon: Homer Rocks!

[AABF06] Today's Topic: He Knows What You Did Last Summer

[AABF14] Christ Dyed Eggs For Your Sins

[BABF01] Ned Flanders: Husband Father Wack Neighbor (THOH episode)

[BABF05] Todays Topic: There's Something About the Virgin Mary

[DABF16] If You Were a Pastor, You'd Be Home Now!

[DABF17] Tomorrow: Homer Simpson Funeral

[EABF02] Welcome Pissed-Off Catholics

[EABF04] No Outside Eucharist

[EABF06] God: The Original Tony Soprano

[EABF06] Housewarming Party: Let There Be Light Beer

[FABF10] We Welcome Other Faiths (Just Kidding)

[FABF20] Church Pot Luck: What a Friend We Have in Cheese Puffs

[GABF02] Rapture Threat Level: ORANGE (in orange lettering)

[GABF09] Are You A James the Lesser or James the Greater?

[GABF15] Today: Bobble-Head Giveaway

[GABF19] QUIT ST3ALING OUR L3TT3RS (Nelson comes along and steals the three 3's)

[HABF01] Christmas Service  Jesus: 2005 Years Young

[HABF09] Today's Topic: Jesus Hates You

[HABF14] Today: Church Council Meeting  Topic: Religion

[HABF18] Funeral Today: Homer Simpson's Vegas Wife

[JABF16] [THOH] Skull and Crossbones then switches to "Scaredy Cats Not Welcome"

[JABF18] Today's Topic: Jesus The *Real* American Idol (underlined)

Sunday School

[7G07] "will a gangrene leg be waiting for you?" "How about a robot with a human brain?" "How about a ventriloquist and his dummy?"

[7F13] "today's subject is hell. " "would you eventually get used to it like in a hot tub? Are there any pirates in hell?"

[9F09] "if he's good, he'll go to heaven."

[2F04] Jessica Lovejoy goes to Sunday School. [Bart wants to return] "We banned you from Sunday school. We were happy, you were happy, the hamster was happy."

Bible References

[3F01] Old Testament: Septuagint on Flanders bookshelf

[3F01] Old Testament: Samaritan Pentateuch on Flanders bookshelf

[7F11] Genesis: Homer listens to Larry King reading the bible on tape: "In the beginning, God created heaven and earth..."

[8F05] Genesis: Bart plays with a Biblical pop-up book sees Adam and Eve

[8F05] Genesis: Bart plays with a Biblical pop-up book "Noah, save us!" "NO!!"

[9F01] Genesis: Flanders family sing "God said to Noah, there's gonna be a floody floody..." (Ge 7:4)

[9F21] Genesis: Methuselah rookie trading card

[1F17] Genesis: Rod and Todd are playing Noah's Ark

[3F02] Genesis: 'In the Garden of Eden' by I. Ron Butterfly [parody]

[4F02] Genesis: The Genesis Tub

[4F06] Genesis: Bart tells Adam and Eve joke

[5F11] Genesis: Troy McClure stars as Noah

[AABF14] Genesis: Lovejoy begins reading from the Bible: "In the beginning..." and again "In he beginning God created the heavens and the earth.."

[AABF14] Genesis: Lovejoy: "...and that concludes Genesis, the first of the 66 books of the Bible. Moving on to Exodus.."

[AABF14] Genesis: Homer as Adam and Marge as Eve

[AABF14] Genesis: Krusty: I'm not saying Jezebel is easy, but before she moved to Sodom it was known for its pottery (Sodom ref.) (Ge 18:25-27)

[AABF14] Genesis: Bart: Methuselah (aka Grampa), my oldest friend, who did this to you? (Ge 5:20-27)

[AABF14] Genesis: Tower of Babel (Ge 11:1-9)

[CABF15] Genesis: Homer, ordering ice cream: One Tower of Babel and build it to Heaven. (Ge 11:1-9)

[CABF15] Genesis: Food at Praiseland: Noah's Ark of Jellies

[DABF13] Genesis: Ned signing: God said to Noah, build yourself an arky-arky,... (Ge 6:14)

[EABF06] Genesis: Flanders takes out a boat with two of every animal (Ge 7:2)

[EABF06] Genesis: Dove with olive branch passes overhead after storm clears (Ge 8:11)

[EABF06] Genesis: Noah in the Super Bowl halftime show

[GABF02] Genesis: Ned Flanders films "The Passion of Cain and Abel" (Ge 4)

[GABF14] Genesis: Marge: I could be the Rachel to your Jacob (Ge 29-31)

[HABF04] Genesis: Flanders buys back his borrowed copied of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat from a Simpsons garage sale (Ge 37-46)

[7F13] Exodus: Lisa and the 8th Commandment (Ex 20:15)

[7F13] Exodus: Moses presents the 10 commandments during the Mt. Sinai, 1220 BC scene.

[8F05] Exodus: Rabbi Krustofsky cites the 5th commandment

[9F01] Exodus: Rev. Lovejoy says "Keep holy the Sabbath day" (Ex 20:8)

[1F01] Exodus: Burns has one of the Moses tablets with the ten commandments (Ex 31:18)

[2F14] Exodus: Homer: Just like God teased Moses in the desert

[2F31] Exodus: Flanders family makes film about baby Moses for the festival: Ned: Now, Maude, in our movie you lay Moses in the basket (Ex 2:1-3)

[3F09] Exodus: Homer "So I thought to myself, what would God do in this situation? Bart: Locusts! (Ex 10:12-15)

[AABF14] Exodus: Lovejoy: "...and that concludes Genesis, the first of the 66 books of the Bible. Moving on to Exodus.."

[AABF14] Exodus: The Burning Bush (Ex 3:1-22)

[AABF14] Exodus: land of milk and honey (Ex 3:8, Ex 3:17, Ex 13:5, etc.)

[AABF14] Exodus: Moses asks the Pharaoh "Let my people go!" (Ex 5:1)

[AABF14] Exodus: The plague (Ex 10:21-12:30)

[AABF14] Exodus: The parting of the Red Sea (Ex 14:21)

[AABF14] Exodus: Lisa: Hey, is that manna? (Ex 16:31-33)

[GABF15] Exodus: Moses bobble head holds ten commandments tablets

[TYA] Exodus: Track from The Yellow Album: The Ten Commandments of Bart

[AABF14] Numbers: Lisa: Well, actually it looks like we're in for 40 years of wandering the desert (Num 32:12-14)

[AABF06] Deuteronomy: Ned: Games of chance are strictly forbidden by Deuteronomy 7".

[8F05] Joshua: Rabbi Krustofsky: "the book of Joshua says, you shall meditate on the torah day and night." (Jos 1:8)

[AABF14] Judges: Bart (as King David): Without your precious hair you no longer possess your fantastic strength! Nelson (as Goliath II): That's Samson, idiot! (Jud 16:5-7)

[5F09] 1 Samuel: Homer: "..it's just like David and Goliath..." (1Sa 17:1-58)

[AABF14] 1 Samuel: Lovejoy: "...and after David slew Goliath, the people.." (1Sa 17:1-58)

[AABF14] 1 Samuel: Bart and Nelson battle as David and Goliath (1Sa 17:1-58)

[5F11] 1 Samuel: Troy McClure Bible epic "David vs. Super Goliath" (1Sa 17:1-58)

[GABF02] 2 Samuel: Bart: King David stole someone else's wife! (2Sa 11:1-26)

[8F05] 1 Kings: Church Marquee: "Evil woman in history: from Jezebel to Janet Reno" (1Ki, 2Ki)

[AABF14] 1 Kings: Krusty: I'm not saying Jezebel is easy, but before she moved to Sodom it was known for its pottery (Jezebel ref.) (1Ki, 2Ki)

[AABF14] 1 Kings: Lovejoy: (reading Bible) Now we come to King Solomon.... (1Ki 1-3)

[AABF14] 1 Kings: Homer as King Solomon: The pie shall be cut in two. And each man shall receive....death. (for Lenny and Carl) (1Ki 3:24-26)

[GABF02] 1 Kings: In "Tales of the Old Testament" King Solomon: The only just solution is to cut the baby in half. (1Ki 3:16-28)

[CABF15] 2 Chronicles: Lisa: I can't believe she found a rhyme for Hezekiah (2Ch 29-31, et. al.) (also 2Ki)

[4F07] Job: Ned Flanders tested by God says to Rev. Lovejoy "..I kinda feel like Job".

[HABF16] Job: Announcer at Isotopes Stadium: Job himself never had a tougher day at the ballpark than Buck Mitchell...

[3F01] Psalms: Book of Psalms on Flanders' bookshelf

[9F08] Psalms: Grandma Flanders asks Bart for help with her Psalms

[CABF15] Psalms: You have invaded the chambers where I wrote all of my 150 Psalms....Number one. Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked... (Ps 1)

[7F08] Proverbs: Rev. Lovejoy: the Good Book says a gentle answer turneth away wrath. (Pr 15:1)

[4F17] Ecclesiastes: Burns comments about the race not going to the swift (Ecc 9:11)

[GABF15] Ecclesiastes: Ned: The Bible says cast your bread upon the waters (Ecc 11:1)

[3F01] Song of Songs/Songs of Solomon: Song of Solomon book on Flanders bookshelf

[9F01] Lamentations: Rev. Lovejoy reading from this book in church

[AABF14] Jonah: King David [Bart] says "Jonah, you died the way you lived, inside a whale"

[GABF02] Jonah: In "Tales of the Old Testament" Jonah is swallowed by a whale

[7G08] Gospels: Christmas episode! (Many other Christmas references throughout the series)

[FABF02] Gospels: Christmas episode! (Many other Christmas references throughout the series)

[9F21] Gospels: Joseph of Arimathea trading card

[4F11] Gospels: Store sells last supper TV trays

[5F11] Gospels: Troy McClure Bible epic "Suddenly Last Supper"

[CABF15] Gospels: Ned: Gipetto's workshop will make a great stable for our Nativity scene.

[CABF15] Gospels: Krusty: Well I guess I could donate these costumes. They're from my Last Supper pie throwing sketch.

[DABF02] Gospels: Last Supper painting

[GABF15] Gospels: Todd: Judas bear, you're not touching your last supper. Judas: I can't eat 'cause my conscious is heavy.

[7F08] Matthew: Ned Flanders: I threw a man out of my house today. I feel like I violated Matthew 19:19. Love thy neighbor. (Mt 19:19)

[9F21] Matthew: Marge: "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me" (Mt 25:40)

[5F02] Matthew: Lisa: "Doesn't the Bible say judge not lest ye be judged?" (Mt 7:1-2)

[DABF16] Matthew: Rev. Lovejoy: Today's readings come from Matthew. Mark, Luke and John.

[DABF16] Mark: Rev. Lovejoy: Today's readings come from Matthew. Mark, Luke and John.

[FABF02] Luke: (Flanders reads) "...and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of of great joy, which will be to all people.." (Lk 2:10)

[2F14] Luke: Reference to (the parable of) the prodigal's son (Lk 15:11-32)

[DABF16] Luke: Rev. Lovejoy: Today's readings come from Matthew. Mark, Luke and John.

[7G07] John: (Radio announcer) "This could be the most remarkable comeback since Lazarus rose from the dead" (Jn 11:38-44)

[7F24] John: Person standing in crowd waiting for Michael Jackson holding sign "John 3:16"

[9F22] John: Person holding "John 3:16" sign in Homer's fantasy about becoming John Elway

[BABF05] John: Homer revs motorcycle while the Rev. Lovejoy attempts to speak "In John 4:13 I think it was Jesus..."

[BABF06] John: At Brother Faith's Revival they sing "...that's right, check the bible, John 2:11.

[DABF16] John: Rev. Lovejoy: Today's readings come from Matthew. Mark, Luke and John.

[BABF06] Corinthians: Rev. Lovejoy "In Paul's letter to the Corinthians..."

[AABF20] 1 Corinthians: Flanders note board has 1 Cor 6:9-11 (Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?...[NIV])

[BABF06] Ephesians: Rev. Lovejoy "..Paul instructed them to send ten copies to the Thessalonians and the Ephesians..."

[BABF06] Thessalonians: Rev. Lovejoy "..Paul instructed them to send ten copies to the Thessalonians and the Ephesians..."

[1F03] Revelation: Kent Brockman: "....it's in Revelations people!"

[1F17] Revelation: Flanders: Hey, that sounds like Gabriel's trumpet! You know what that means kids! Rod & Todd: Judgement Day! (Rev 8)

[3F01] Revelation: Ned Flanders: Book of Revelations, fire breathing lion's head, tail made out of snakes...

[AABF14] Revelation: Four horses of the Apocalypse seen

[DABF02] Revelation: Lisa: Like the whore of Babylon? (Rev 17:5)

[GABF14] Episode about end times mimics book "Left Behind" with "Left Below"

[GABF14] Just before the rapture, the stars will fall to the earth. (Rev 6:13)

[JABF21] Bible and Revelation 17:1-3 shown (Rev 17:1-3)

[7F20] [Ned says] Sometimes Maude, God bless her, she underlines passages in my Bible because she can't find hers {hl}

[7F23] Homer buys Flanders' Bible for seven cents {hl}

[8F12] [Homer says] "Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the bible." Lisa asks him where, and he tells her somewhere in the back. {hl}

[8F16] after Todd says "damn vegetables", Ned tells him "No Bible stories for you tonight!" {hl}

[8F21] [Homer replies] Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say ``Thou shalt not take... moochers into thy... hut''? {hl}

[9F03] Bart has the Bible open upside down

[9F04] Homer swears on a Bible, which turns out to be a book of carpet samples {hl}

[1F14] Ned and his Bible group showed Stan the Man that he could have more [saved him]

[1F20] [Rev. Lovejoy says] "You ever sat down and read this thing? [holds up a Bible]"

[1F22] Maude Flanders goes to Bible Camp, learning to be more judgmental

[2F01] Homer: Look at this Bible I just got. 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everbody's a sinner! Except for this guy. {hl}

[2F02] Sideshow Bob says conservatives aren't all Charlie Bible Thumps {hl}

[2F04] [Ms. Albright says] "alright Bart, the Bible does teach forgiveness"

[2F12] Ned is saved from bullets by his Bible and an extra large piece of the cross {hl}

[3F01] the Flanders play Bombardment of Bible Questions

[3F13] a fiercely determined band of pioneers leaves Maryland after misinterpreting a passage in the bible.

[4F07] [Ned says] "I've done everything the Bible says, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff."

[5F02] [Wiggum says] the Bible says a lot of things

[AABF06] [Homer says] "the Bible is finally pulling it's weight. Got any more holy numbers?"

[AABF14] Episode Title: Simpsons Bible Stories

[AABF14] Krusty: Wait a minute, I have something on the Canaanites...

[AABF14] Bart (as King David): I hope this doesn't get into the Bible.

[AABF14] Lisa: It's the rapture, and I never knew true love

[BABF10] Rod and Todd have "Billy Graham's Bible Blaster" video game

[CABF02] [Lovejoy says] "As it says in the Bible.." (and then cuts himself off when he sees Mr. "X", aka Homer Simpson)

[CABF03] Flander's Holy Bible (Homer attempts to con Flanders into buying a bible)

[CABF15] Bible Gum flavour ice cream at church festival

[DABF11] Flanders: (to Homer who has just asked a biblical question) I've got a book right here that's jam packed with answers!

[DABF11] Flanders reads the entire bible cover to cover to Homer at his request

[EABF06] Annie Leibowitz photo of Rev. Lovejoy on a bed of bibles

[EABF08] Ned imagines a Bible.. which turns into a dancing lady..

[EABF09] Crawl line: Bible Says Jesus Favored Capital-Gains Cut...

[EABF15] Homer: It would have been a lot worse if I hadn't been carrying this Bible in my crotch.

[FABF02] Ned takes out a Bible as he arrives at the (empty) Springfield Men's Mission

[GABF02] Bart reads "The Bible for Wise-Asses"

Holy Water References

[1F18] Bart tells the story of when his dog drank all the holy water

[2F07] Abe Simpson says "legend has it my great-grand pappy stumbled upon this recipe when he was trying to invent a cheap substitute for holy water"

[3F01] Homer gets holy water poured on him in the river by Ned Flanders. Homer responds as if he's a vampire being destroyed by the holy water.

[4F16] Agnes Skinner said that Bart's dog "unholyed the holy water"

[AABF06] Moe asks Ned if his secret to looking young is holy water. He then splashes his face with some and he cries out "It burns!" [as we hear sizzling sounds]

[BABF11] Appears in cooler aboard plane with Homer on his missionary flight

References to Heaven and Angels

[7G04] Flanders family drives off into heaven

[7G07] [Ms. Albright] "Heaven is for people"

[7G07] [Bart says] "Apes can't get into heaven."

[7G07] [Lisa says] Valhalla is where Vikings go when they die

[7F10] Bart is about to go to heaven. Then he goes to Hell and meets the devil. {rg}

[7F11] [Lisa says] Hm. Friday night. Pork chops. From cradle to grave, etched in stone and God's library somewhere in heaven... {hl}

[7F13] [Lisa says] Sorry, I'd rather go to heaven. {hl}

[7F15] 8:00 Hayride to Heaven

[8F17] [Homer says] "In doggie heaven, there are mountains of bones, and you can't turn around without sniffing another dog's butt."

[8F17] God calls Santa's Little Helper to heaven "come to the light boy..."

[9F01] [Ben Franklin is in heaven playing air hockey] "That's the game, Hendrix"

[9F02] [Homer says] "Is that Lisa? Ooooh, I gotta call heaven. There's an angel missing!"

[9F09] [Ms. Albright says] "if he's good, he'll go to heaven."

[9F22] [Sideshow Bob says] Very well, Bart. I shall send you to heaven before I send you to hell. {hl}

[1F14] [Lisa, watching Homer liftoff] "How doth the hero strong and brave, a celestial path to the heavens pave"

[1F14] Homer: If everyone here were like Ned Flanders, there'd be no need for heaven: we'd already be there. {hl}

[2F18] [Rev. says] See you in hell! From heaven. {hl}

[2F21] Maude hopes that they have US Magazine in heaven

[2F22] Bart says there are numerous angel sightings in Springfield

[3F04] [the Rev. says] "Do you see a light Homer?" "Move into the light my son."

[3F04] [the Rev. says] "Be strong Marge, he's gone to a better place."

[3F12] Bart: I can't believe Krusty is really gone. Homer: Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's in heaven right now laughing it up with the other celebrities. John Dillinger, Ty Cobb, Josef Stalin... {hl}

[3F19] [Grampa says] "...and I want you to know that when I die, you're all welcome to visit me in rich men's heaven." {hl}

[3G01] [the Rev. says] "I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens..."

[4F14] [Merl says] "Geech gone to heaven, Mr. Terwillidjer"

[4F19] [the Rev. says] "I'm sure he's looking down from heaven right now....."

[5F03] [Ralph says] "You're going to heaven."

[5F05] town believes they have found the fossil of an angel

[5F05] Homer says that no one gets into heaven without an angel glowstick

[5F05] Heavenly Hills Mall has a grand opening

[AABF14] The Flanders ascend into heaven

[AABF14] Homer: Where do you think you're going missy? (grabbing Lisa and pulling her down as she ascends to heaven)

[AABF15] [Ned Flanders says] Looks like heaven's easier to get into than Arizona State!

[BABF12] Moe: It's like I died and went to heaven!

[BABF17] Homer: Fine, I'll just discuss heavenly matters. So how's Maude Flanders doing up there? Is she playing the field?...

[CABF15] Homer, ordering ice cream: One Tower of Babel and build it to heaven.

[CABF15] Skinner: I saw heaven! Bart: Was I there? Skinner: No, it was heaven. My vision of heaven.

[DABF16] Angel as Homer's conscious appears on Homer's shoulder

[FABF02] Luke: (Flanders reads) "...and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of of great joy, which will be to all people.."

[FABF09] Lou: ..and What causes thunder? Chief Wiggum: I say it's angels bowling.

[FABF23] [THOH] Ned, Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie appear as angels.

[GABF14] Homer's dreams he goes to heaven during the rapture

Prayers

Slowly adding to this to fill in missing prayers. Submissions welcomed, but exact quotes are required. Note however that not every exclamation to the Lord will be included here, God bless us.

[7G04] Bart: Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.

[7G04] Homer:
Dear Lord, thank you for this microwave bounty even though we don't deserve it. I mean, our kids are uncontrollable hellions. Pardon my French, but they act like savages. Did You see them at the picnic? Of course You did. You're everywhere. You're omnivorous. O Lord, why did You smite me with this family?

[7F01] Bart:
Dear God, we pay for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.

[7F02] Homer:
Dear God, give a bald guy a break. Amen.

[7F03] Bart:
Well, old-timer, I guess this is the end of the road. I know I haven't always been a good kid, but, if I have to go to school tomorrow, I'll fail the test and be held back. I just need one more day to study, Lord. I need Your help! (Lisa: Prayer: the last refuge of a scoundrel.) A teachers' strike, a power failure, a blizzard. Anything that'll cancel school tomorrow. I know it's asking a lot, but if anyone can do it You can. Thanking You in advance, Your pal, Bart Simpson.

[7F07] Homer:
And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream. Anyway, we'd like to thank You for the occasional moments of peace and love our family has experienced. Well, not today, but... You saw what happened! Oh, Lord, be honest! Are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what!

[7F07] Homer:
O Lord, on this blessed day, we thank Thee for giving our family one more crack at togetherness.

[8F04] Marge:
Dear Lord. If you spare this town from becoming a smoking hole in the ground, I'll try to be a better Christian. I don't know what I can do... Mmm... Oh, the next time there's a canned food drive, I'll give the poor something they'd actually like, instead of old lima beans and pumpkin mix.

[8F05] Krusty:
Baruch atah adonai, eloheinu, melech ha'olam, hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz.
[Blessed are you Lord, our God, king of the universe, who brings forth bread from the earth.]

[BABF17] Homer:
Dear Lord, bless this humble meal, and did You hear about Krusty? Whoo, man! I mean, I knew he was a player, but jeez, a kid! (Marge: Homer, that's not a prayer, that's gossip.) Homer: Fine, I'll just discuss heavenly matters. So, how's Maude Flanders doing up there? She playing the field? Ooh, yeah, really? All those guys? [The rest of the family gapes] Amen.

[DABF20] Mountain folk: Say your prayers! Bart: Oh Lord, please strike these mountain folk dead.

[EABF06] Flanders: Lord make my shot straight and true.

[EABF06] Homer:
Dear Lord, as I think of You dressed in white with Your splendid beard, I am reminded of Colonel Sanders, who is now seated at Your right hand, shovelling popcorn chicken into Thy mouth. Lord, could You come up with a delicious new taste treat like he did? I command You. (episode unfortunately also closes with an image of this)

[EABF06] Homer:
Oh heavenly God, my son is plagued with homework. With Your vast knowledge of "The Shore Birds of Maryland", I know You can help him.

[EABF06] Homer:
Lord, please use Your space-age clog busting power on this stubborn drain. Then, take some time off for Yourself. Fly to France. Have a nice dinner. Oh Lord, I see Thy art working through Thy imperfect vessel Marge. For Thou art most wise...

[EABF06] Homer:
Lord, this is a dire emergency. If You could fix my house, or make a new house from one of my ribs...

[EABF06] Flanders:
Lord, this town may have turned it's back on You but not the Flanderses. Wherever we are You'll have Your church.

[EABF06] Reverend Lovejoy:
Dear Lord, please spare this little town. They were misled by a demon in blue pants.

[FABF21] Bart:
God, please give Your daughter the tooth fairy the strength to carry my cash and the integrity not to dip her wand into the till.

[FABF21] [THOH] Ned:
Lord, why have you given me these unholy visions of doom!

[GABF04] Homer:
Oh Lord, please help me say the right words this afternoon as I consecrate another gay union that angers You so. And please let Thy holy spirit open the heart of my wife. Amen.

[HABF03] Pirate:
We must pray to Santa Maria to save us. Santa Maria de Guadalope, mystical rosa, interceda por .. (lightning strikes the ship.) One of you were not praying!

[JABF02] Marge:
Dear Lord, thank you for the physical intimacy we are about to enjoy.  Homer: And as always, have fun watching.

[JABF03] Homer:
Oh, Mother sea, giver of fish, taker of boats, toilet to the world. The Greeks call you Poseidon, the Romans call you ... Aquaman. Look into thy starfish heart and protect our souls so we might live to go tubing on thee again." (It's Neptune)

Other Religious and Misc. References

[MG22] Lisa and Bart dance a pagan rain dance

[MG22] Lisa and Bart escape from Homer by running into Church.

[7F01] Mr. Burns, closing in his political commercial: Good night and God bless.

[7F02] Homer prays "Dear God, give a bald guy a break. Amen."

[7F03] Bart prays for snow

[7F03] [Lisa says] prayer, the last refuge of a scoundrel

[7F03] [Lisa says] I heard you last night Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is exactly. All I know is He's a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together, and you owe Him big.

[7F03] [Bart says] "As God as my witness, I will pass fourth grade"

[7F03] [Bart says] "..sit in the back row...it goes for church, too"

[7F03] [Bart says] "Part of this D- belongs to God."

[7F07] [Homer gives Thanksgiving prayer] "..we are especially thankful for nuclear power..."

[7F07] [Selma, after Homer prays] "Worst prayer yet."

[7F08] Flanders family pray before the game {hl}

[7F08] Flanders: The Lord's certainly given us a beautiful day!

[7F09] Rev. Lovejoy sign at I&S rally to stop violence: For Heaven's Sake - Make Them Stop Fighting

[7F09] Kent Brockman: Join us tomorrow when our topic will be "Religion: Which is the One True Faith?"

[7F10] Marge mentions that kids worship ghosts at Hallowe'en

[7F13] episode title is 'Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment'

[7F13] many of the commandments are broken in the Mt. Sinai scene

[7F13] Homer's prison number is 7734, which spells 'hell' upside down on any calculator

[7F16] Herb's executives want to name a car after the Greek goddess Persephone

[7F20] [Homer says] "What about that big bash we had with all the...and holy men and everything"

[7F22] Homer tells the story of Hercules and the lion that he thinks is a Bible story {hl}

[7F24] Rainbow Man in the crowd holding a sign, John 3:16

[7F24] [Bart says] "Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too."

[8F02] Montgomery Burns: Oh, Smithers, I was wrong to play God.

[8F04] During the meltdown a group of employees pray

[8F04] [Marge prays] "If you spare this town from becoming a smoking hole in the ground I'll try to be a better Christian..."

[8F05] Krusty doesn't like to do the Jewish stuff on the air

[8F05] Krusty prays in Hebrew [he's talking funny talk]

[8F05] Krusty's father is a Jewish Rabbi, Hyman Krustofsky

[8F05] Jewish Temple Beth Springfield is seen

[8F05] Bart: Does it not say in the Babylonian Talmud "..a child should be pushed aside with the left hand and drawn closer with the right."?

[8F05] Bart: Is it not written in the Talmud "who will bring redemption?"

[8F05] Gabbin' About God radio program

[8F05] Ace Religious Supply sponsors Gabbin' about God. "If we don't got it, it ain't holy"

[8F05] Monsignor Kenneth Daly is on the 'Gabbin' panel

[8F10] Marge explains to Homer that "You light up my life" is about God

[8F10] [Homer about God] "...no wait....he's always mad"

[8F11] Bart impersonates God to Rod & Todd

[8F20] Side Show Bob recites the first two noble truths of the Buddha

[8F21] [Marge says] "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me" {hl}

[8F22] Saint Sebastian's School for Wicked Girls is run by Nuns

[8F22] [Ms. Krabappel says] "Ezekiel and Ishmael, in accordance with your parents wishes, you may go out into the hall and pray for our souls."

[9F01] Lisa prays in church because they are frozen in

[9F01] Marge prays for Homer

[9F01] Homer talks with God

[9F01] [Homer declares a religious holiday] The Feast of Maximum Occupancy

[9F01] [Moe's religion] I was born a Snake Handler, and I'll die a Snake Handler.

[9F01] Krusty collects money for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns [a religious clown thing]

[9F01] Ganeesha is seen at the Kwik-e-Mart [Homer offers him a peanut]

[9F01] God sends rain to put out the fire at the Flanders home

[9F01] Homer prays "Oh spiteful one, show me who to smite, and he shall be smitten"

[9F01] Apu says there are 700 million Hindus

[9F01] God tells Homer "Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year"

[9F05] Homer (after Marge suggests she work for SNPP): As the Bible says, thou shall not horn in on thy husband's racket! {dm}

[9F05] Marge detains Jehovah's Witnesses longer than they want to stay

[9F08] Rod and Todd play Good Samaritan "I get to clothe the leper" "lucky!"

[9F09] [Homer asks Reverend Lovejoy for $50,000] "Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there yak-yak-yakking, I'm usually either sleeping or mentally undressing the female parishioners..."

[9F09] [Homer asks Rabbi Krustofsky for $50,000] "Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I have rented Fiddler on the Roof, and I will watch it..."

[9F09] [Homer asks Surdrudinma Baradad for $50,000] "Now I haven't been the best....forget it."

[9F09] hospital sign says "NO PRAYING"

[9F11] rental movie with Hercules and Zeus

[9F14] Homer is unable to come up with a Bible verse to overcome the spider's curse {hl}

[9F17] the Simpsons are pagans, the Flanders are Christians

[9F18] Springfield Christian School "We put the fun in Fundamentalist dogma"

[9F20] Todd Flanders speaking in tongues. {hl}

[9F21] signs in the crowd say "Wiggum is God" and "Barney is God"

[1F05] [Bart says] Today, I am a god!

[1F05] a gold statue of Brad Goodman [false idol] is worshipped

[1F06] [Milhouse says] "Our prayers have been answered."

[1F06] Rod and Todd attempt to reach God from the trampoline. "Each leap brings us closer to God." "Catch me Lord, catch me." "What have we done to make God angry?" "You did it."

[1F06] Church Picnic flare gun firing mentioned

[1F07] episode title is a parody of the controversial movie 'Last Temptation of Christ'

[1F07] Ned asks, did anyone pray for giant shoes?

[1F09] Cat burglar steals Flanders' Shroud of Turin beach towels {hl}

[1F10] Patty and Selma sticking pins in voodoo doll of Homer. {hl}

[1F10] [At an Indian airport] "If you're saved and you know it, clap your hands..." [Hare Krishna's say] "Oh, great...Christians."

[1F14] Homer thinks a waffle on the ceiling is God "God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game. Why do you mock me, O Lord?"

[1F14] [Homer says] I know I shouldn't eat thee....mmmm, sacrilicious."

[1F14] Ned blesses the food, the butchers, and the middleman

[1F14] Rod and Todd are watching "The Sin of Envy" cartoon

[1F14] Todd says "Lies make baby Jesus cry."

[1F14] [Wiggum asks Ned] "Where's your messiah now?"

[1F14] [Grampa says] "Let's sacrifice him to our God..." {hl}

[1F15] Ned thinks the elephant stampede is a sign of the apocalypse

[1F17] Rod and Todd say "Yeah! Judgment day!"

[1F18] [Ned says] "May the Lord bless and keep you..."

[1F18] [Ned says] "..thank the Lord for another beautiful school day."

[1F18] [Supt. Chalmers says] "That sounded like a prayer... A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls..."

[1F19] Marge's brother Arthur used to say "shoot em' all and let God sort em' out".

[1F22] Amish farmer appears {hl}

[2F01] [Chalkboard Gag] "I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr."

[2F01] 2 Radio preacher's sermons "7 signs of evil"

[2F04] [Ms. Albright says] "Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels"

[2F04] the prodigal son is mentioned {hl}

[2F04] [Grampa asks] "What is it, a Unitarian?" {hl}

[2F05] [Homer says] "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing..." {hl}

[2F10] [Homer prays] "Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me and I am thankful."

[2F11] [Homer says] "It's time like this I wish I was a religious man" [Lovejoy says] "It's over people! We don't have a prayer!"

[2F20] Smithers goes to confessional {hl}

[2F31] Skinner burned at stake for teaching the earth revolves around the sun {hl}

[2F31] Grampa chases photographer for stealing his soul {hl}

[3F01] Ned has a Hallelujah Chorus air horn

[3F01] the Flanders attempt to Baptize Bart and Lisa

[3F02] Bart prays for his soul

[3F09] [Homer says] "So I thought to myself, what would God do in this situation?" [Bart says] "Locusts!"

[3F09] [Homer says] "It's all in the Bible, son. It's the prankster's bible." {hl}

[3F10] Holy Rollers bowling team

[3F10] God knocks down a bowling pin for Ned

[3F16] Itchy says Catholic prayer in Latin {hl}

[3F20] Apu replaces Ganeesha with a magazine rack

[3F21] Bart: "What religion are you?" Homer: "You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life. Uh... Christianity."

[3G01] [Mulder says] " ...voodoo priests of Haiti..." {hl}

[3G04] Apu: ...and although my religion strictly forbids military service, what they hey?, I'm in too.

[4F02] The Genesis Tub people think Lisa is God and Bart is the Devil

[4F02] The Genesis Tub people are Lutherans {hl}

[4F07] Ned prays in response to hurricane Barbara

[4F07] Ned thinks insurance is a sin [gambling]

[4F07] Rod and Todd are playing Jericho "Daddy says dice are wicked, so we just move one space at a time."

[4F07] Ned prays "Why me Lord...?"

[4F08] Homer praying at church {hl}

[4F08] Fat Tony puts ad in church bulletin {hl}

[4F10] [Homer prays] "Oh Lord, protect this rocket house, and all who dwell within the rocket house."

[4F13] [Rod and Todd are praying] "Please make Lisa tell us a bedtime story, about robots"

[4F14] Bart prays for God to kill Side Show Bob

[4F20] Christian love is mentioned as wholesome and good

[4F21] [boy says] "That is why God created hazing"

[5F01] [Homer says] "...I felt this incredible surge of power...like God must feel when he's holding a gun."

[5F02] religious persecution of witches occurs in Sprynge-Fielde, 1649

[5F02] Homer rocks naked in the church

[5F04] Rev. Lovejoy, after a comment about serving at Apu's wedding: Well, Christ is Christ. And I consulted a Hindu web site!

[5F04] Apu: I'm really doomed. Only the Gods could stop this wedding now.

[5F04] Homer then attempts to impersonate Ganesh "I am the God Ganesh!"

[5F04] Indian man, in Hindu: You are Not Ganesh! Ganesh is graceful!

[5F04] Bart tearing out pages from hymn books for holy fire {hl}

[5F04] Apu: Do you think this marriage will work? Manjula: Who knows. We could get a divorce. Apu: Of course! God Bless America!

[5F05] Pope John Paul II appears {hl}

[5F05] Christian Science Reading Room is set on fire

[5F05] judge rules that religion must stay 500 yards away from science at all times

[5F07] [Barney says] Jesus must be spinning in his grave

[5F10] episode title is a parody of the controversial movie 'Last Temptation of Christ'

[5F10] [Bart says] "Why do we need church shoes, Jesus wore sandals?"

[5F10] [Homer replies] "well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him"

[5F11] [Homer says] God is my favorite fictional character

[5F11] Ned and Maude sell religious hook rugs on the internet

[5F13] Bart: Oh Lord, I thank you for this bounty I'm about to receive...

[5F15] "Pray for mojo" is a voodoo chant {hl}

[5F16] [Homer says] "If God didn't want us to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin."

[5F17] [Homer prays to Superman] "I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me superman."

[5F18] Homer is nude on top of a large glass church

[5F19] Homer wants to look down on God's Creatures from his parasail

[5F20] [Homer's prayer] "Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women changing clothes and all that, but if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity."

[5F21] [Kent Brockman news] phony pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth

[5F21] Ned is a minister conducting Homer's funeral

[5F23] Mr. Burns tries to impersonate a new God

[5F23] the Movementarian cult comes to Springfield

[5F23] Moe says "its back to good old fashioned voodoo" then sticks pins in voodoo doll of Barney {hl}

[AABF01] [Homer says] "Oh great, Mormons"

[AABF01] Kang and Kodos are Quantum-Presbyterians

[AABF03] a Mennonite minister is scheduled to conduct church services at FCS

[AABF03] [Bart says] Why can't we go Catholic so we can get communion wafers and booze?

[AABF03] [Marge says] "No one's going Catholic, 3 children is enough thank you"

[AABF03] Lisa prays "I need a miracle. C'mon, you owe me"

[AABF05] the Flanders family prays before eating

[AABF06] [Ned prays] "Oh Lord, what should I do?" Response: Keep gaming. It means gambling, keep gambling.

[AABF07] [Homer being interviewed by Ken Brockman] "..I want to thank Jesus.." (For having the Isotopes win)

[AABF08] Rosey Grier's Porta-Chapel

[AABF08] [group prayer] "...wandering orphaned Oakland Raiders may someday find a home, Lord, hear our prayer..."

[AABF08] catholic church seen

[AABF09] [Bart prays] "...and thank you God for the bad things adults do, which distracts attention from stuff I'm doing, amen."

[AABF10] [Homer prays] "Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!"

[AABF12] Ganeesha Shrine in the Karma-Ceuticals Store

[AABF13] Jehovah's Witnesses approach the Simpsons home

[AABF14] Blackboard: I cannot absolve sins

[AABF14] Homer: Oh man, this is the hottest Easter ever

[BABF01] [Homer prays] "Dear God. It's Homer. If you really love me, you'll save my life right now."

[BABF10] Moe mentions he's banned from the church

[BABF10] Parking space at First Church of Springfield "Reserved for Parishioner of the Month N. Flanders"

[BABF10] Rock band plays at First Church of Springfield - Kovenant

[BABF10] Bumper sticker: "If this van's a-swayin, I'm in here a-prayin!"

[BABF10] Baha'i appears in Billy Graham's Bible Blaster game at Flanders {db}

[BABF11] Most of this episode - Homer becomes a missionary!

[BABF14] Homer: Hey Flanders, can your God do that?

[BABF17] Homer: Dear Lord, bless this humble meal...

[BABF20] Carl: The 9 has less to do with Satan which is a plus in this religious world of ours (discussing area codes)

[BABF22] Flanders family watch "The new adventures of Gavey and Jobriath" (parody on Davey & Goliath) Ned says its "Approved by "The council of PresbyLutheran ministers!"

[BABF22] Homer: I accidentally proved there's no God.

[BABF22] Homer: Play God is all you do!

[CABF01] Lisa, observing family: Now they're making popcorn... and hanging Christmas Stockings ...and coloring Easter Eggs

[CABF01] Homer: You call that saying grace? (strangling Bart)

[CABF01] Homer, to Lisa: Oh praise God! You're Alive!

[CABF02] Dancing Jesus web site

[CABF03] Homer: God conned me (Homer justifies conning other people)

[CABF03] Grampa: If we don't take their money they'll just give it to some televangelist

[CABF03] Marge: You were carjacked? In the Church parking lot? Homer: We had stopped in for a quick prayer...

[CABF04] Homer: Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas!

[CABF04] Kent Brockman: Yes, whether your Christian or just non-Jewish everyone loves Santa Claus

[CABF04] Homer: Let's just say Lisa gave me an early Christmas present - the gift of dignity.

[CABF05] Warden: (to crowd) He's in here for erecting a Nativity scene on city property. Marge: There's so much evil in the world.

[CABF05] Jack, to Marge, obviously telling a lie: "This is the god's truth."

[CABF06] One snow angel coming up!....Why does that always happen? (Homer attempt to make a snow angel produces a snow devil)

[CABF06] Last day before Christmas break

[CABF06] Skinner shows movie: The Christmas that almost wasn't but then was

[CABF06] Lisa (with Camel head): Merry Christmas from The Simpsons!

[CABF09] Homer's blues song: Dancing away my hunger pain, Moving my feet so my stomach won't hurt, I'm kind of like Jesus, But not in a sacrilegious way

[CABF09] Duffman: New feelings brewing in Duffman...What would Jesus do?

[CABF10] Francis: God bless you Krusty

[CABF10] Krusty: You know I'd like to thank God for my success even though I never worshipped or believed in him in any way..

[CABF11] Homer: Marge, I finally discovered the reason God made me. To protect his tiniest most breakable creatures.

[CABF14] Model Church building in middle of Flanders' train layout.

[CABF15] Church Festival - "A Sundae Service You Can Swallow"

[CABF15] Ice cream flavours at Cruci-Fixins: Blessed Virgin Berry, Command Mint, Bible Gum

[CABF15] Unitarian Ice Cream - Lisa: There's nothing there. Lovejoy: Exactly.

[CABF15] Homer, upon receiving ice cream: Christ be with you.

[CABF15] They call her the Christian Madonna. (Rachel Jordan)

[CABF15] Rachel: They switched from Christian music to regular pop....They'll all go to hell

[CABF15] Flanders: Tomorrow I've got lifeguard duty at the baptismal pool

[CABF15] Flanders: Maude designed a Christian Amusement Park (includes a tithing pond)

[CABF15] Ned: I'd make this place into a shining beacon for the Lord...

[CABF15] You're so full of it...God's grace, that is. Ned: Oh bless you sir.

[CABF15] Ned: Gipetto's workshop will make a great stable for our Nativity scene.

[CABF15] At Praiseland: King David's Wild Ride

[CABF15] Carl: Any religion that endorses carob is not for Carl Carlson

[CABF15] Moe: I think it's a sign from God that we should all go crazy.

[CABF15] Bart: The power of Christ compels you to give Ned another $10.00

[CABF15] Disco Stu's dreams he skips past everyone and goes through the pearly gates. Travolta: Saint Peter, you just said you were full!

[CABF15] Ned, commenting on the miracle at Praiseland: There's no explaining God's will

[CABF15] "Rich: May the Lord have mercy on your gas sniffing orphan beating soul."

[CABF15] Homer: Christ be with you.

[CABF16] Homer, praying for Good Guys Award: Please let me win this Lord...cause if you don't...

[CABF16] Flanders attends a Chris Rock Concert - thinking it's a Christian Rock Concert

[CABF19] (About Jesus) Lenny: He's like six leprechauns... Carol: ...but a lot harder to catch

[DABF01] I'm Gabriel. (heavenly music is heard, a beam of light shines on the visitor) Homer: Huh?! A heavenly choir! You must be an angel! Gabriel: No. That's my pager. I'm a social worker.

[DABF02] Burns: The Lord is going to go for this in a big way! (Cross falls and strikes Burns on the head)

[DABF02] Lisa: I still believe in God. I just think there's another path to him.... or her. Marge: Her! (looking toward heaven) She's just kidding Mr. Lord!

[DABF02] Bart: How about [converting to] one of those religions where you eat a human heart?

[DABF02] Bart: How about [converting to] Methodist? Lisa: (more emphatically than before) NO!

[DABF02] Religious signs seen during Lisa's search for religion;

Bed, Bath and Baha'i

Whiskey a God God

Church of the Latter Day Druids

Amish

Springfield Buddhist Temple

[DABF02] Rev. Lovejoy: When will the church see any of this money? Burns: Well hell freezes over!

[DABF03] Frink: We thought we were God. (in reference to adding sugar to food products)

[DABF08] God calls on Joan of Arc (Lisa) to serve!

[DABF08] Joan of Arc (Lisa) prays to God to bless Momma and Poppa and Batran and Cocoa Chenelle

[DABF10] Lisa: (in reference to orphanage) ..and you can't hang up on a nun! Marge: That's right. They have *powers*.

[DABF10] Lisa: Look! It's the giant statue of Christ on Corcovado!

[DABF10] Homer: Hello Flanders I need 100 grand. Ned: I don't really have that much, but if you need it that bad, you'll be in my prayers. Homer: Go suck a bible.

[DABF10] At the Samba School: The Penetrada: It makes sex look like a church

[DABF11] Lisa: American corporations should stop playing God with nature.

[DABF11] Flanders and family praying at cross (from scarecrow) "God the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth..."

[DABF11] (After a stoned Homer suddenly recognizes Ned Flanders) Homer: Oh yeah, right. The God dude.

[DABF11] Homer: Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?

[DABF11] Homer understands basic tenet of Christianity: Homer: Wow. Wow. God does so much for me and he doesn't ask anything in return.

[DABF12] Krusty: Let's welcome Springfield's original God couple - Reverend Lovejoy and Ned Flanders

[DABF12] Alien: Our planet has been observing your puny species since your planet was created 5,000 years ago... by God. (They both then make the sign of the cross)

[DABF13] Bart: Why does Dangerdog mean more to me than school or church? Jeff: Cause those things suck.

[DABF16] Marge, on death row, to Catholic priest: We appreciate you coming to comfort us, but we're not Catholic.

[DABF18] Flanders selling "Shoes for Jesus" at Springfield Shoe Expo

[DABF20] Flanders: I'd love to come over some time and watch that church channel. Seems like I'm spending all my money on religious pay-per-view, or as I like to call it, Pray per view.

[DABF20] Bart: ...and the Lord said, let there be crap. (starting the satellite TV)

[DABF22] Homer: ...but he's just like you or me or Jesus over there!

[EABF01] Homer: Your king needs these stilts. Dolph: Jesus is our only king!

[EABF05] Homer comments on his WWJD bracelet: Jesus? I thought it was Geppetto!

[EABF06] Homer: How come all the good things happen to Jesus H. Nice?

[EABF06] Marge: Most people pray silently. Homer: Marge, he's way the hell up there!

[EABF06] First Church of Springfield Bulletin (Homer shown sleeping in the pew) Jesus Died for this?

[EABF06] Moe: You can come to my church. Sideshow Mel: And what church might that be? Moe: St. Pauli Girl's Cathedral.

[EABF06] Bart: But what made the rain stop? Lisa: I don't know. Buddha?

[EABF07] Homer: (After too many Ribwich sandwiches at Krusty Burger) I have eaten the ribs of God!

[EABF08] Flanders: Open as a tomb on Easter!

[EABF10] Homer: It's St. Valentine's Day! God wants us to do it!

[EABF11] Homer: (Observing meteor shower) I wish God was alive to see this.

[EABF13] Ned: Writing a new Christmas Carol? Homer: Maybe. Ned: The Bible says it's fun to do things together!

[EABF13] Homer: I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.

[EABF14] Homer: Don't worry son, I'll build you a new tree house. One so grand it'll be an affront to God himself.

[EABF14] Marge: The Amish are so industrious! Not like those shiftless Mennonites!

[EABF14] Sign at Springfield Men's Mission: We Add God To Your Misery

[EABF16] (Sign on Ned's Beatle's door) Beware of God

[EABF16] Homer: I never knew you were such a Beatles fan. Ned: Of course I am. They were bigger than Jesus!

[EABF16] (In a note) We will crush you and smother your dreams. Yours in Christ, The Calvary Kids

[EABF17] Homer: That's because there was 7 apostles. Marge: No, there were 12. Homer: Boy, that's a big staff. And still he wasn't that funny.

[EABF20] Sign when the students are on strike: What Would Jesus Glue?

[EABF21] [THOH] Flander: I'm dying! ..and there's Heaven! Who's that? Confucious! ..and Milton Berle! Boy have I been barking up the wrong tree!

[FABF01] Krusty the Clown's Wet 'N' Wild Bar Mitzvah

[FABF02] Lisa: (referring to the The California Raisins playing Christmas) This is offensive to Christians and prunes!

[FABF02] Television: The Year Santa Got Lost Starring Jimmy Stewart as the voice of Mr. Mailman

[FABF02] Television: Mr. McGrew's Christmas Carol

[FABF02] Television: We see Urkel in a version of Christmas Carol

[FABF02] Television: Star Trek version of Christmas Carol

[FABF02] Mayor Quimby: Stop that! You can't pray on city property!

[FABF02] Springfield City Hall: God-Free Since '63

[FABF02] Astrolobe: Today is the birthday of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, and singer Barbara Mandrell. Merry Christmas!

[FABF07] Paul Lynde, Helen Reddy, Hudson Brothers Easter Special

[FABF07] Bart: Thank God we came to our senses and worship a carpenter who lived 2000 years ago.

[FABF08] Lawyer: You sir are a moron! Homer: A Morman? But I'm from Earth!

[FABF08] Marge: Do you know why no one likes you? Artie: Anti-Semitism?

[FABF10] Homer: Anything is possible. With a little help from my Bible (looking within for a liquor bottle). Oh no! It's a real one! Why God, why!?

[FABF16] Apu: Homer, tell Mr. Ned to stop trying to convert me.
Ned: I was telling about how brave it is to worship a false god.
Apu: I do not worship one god, OK? I worship a whole stupid team of deities, that...

[FABF17] Bart: Nash, I've realized something. I'm the worse kid in the world. And the last thing I deserve is forgiveness. But with a little help from Jesus and our fighting men and woman overseas...

[FABF18] Burns: I pulled a Jesus. (after he's reborn)

[FABF23] Ned: Homer, please don't tempt the Gods. (looking upward, stuttering) I mean, mean God. There's one God. Only one. Well, sometimes there's three.

[GABF04] Homer logs into the www.ePISCOPAL.com web site to become a priest.

[GABF09] Bart reads "Lives of the Saints Comics" and converts to Catholicism. He reads: Saint Sebastian was a pious Roman soldier. Emperor Diocletian sentenced him to death with by hail of arrows.

[GABF09] Bart starts table blessing in Latin: In nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.

[GABF09] Father Shawn: I can only absolve you if you're Catholic. Homer: So how do I join? Do I whale on some Unitarians?

[GABF09] Bart: Don't you get it? It's all Christianity, people! The little stupid differences are nothing next to the big stupid similarities!

[GABF14] Gospel for Less Christian Bookstore

[GABF15] Ned Flanders: Well, Todd, remember I said our friends are like the Canaanites? Today I realized they're more like the Nedianites. (or did he say Midianites, which may make more sense...)

[GABF19] First A.M.E. Church of Springfield, including congregants Dr. Hibbert, Mrs. Hibbert, Don King and Michael Tyson

[HABF01] Marge: Where's Reverend Lovejoy? He's never late for Christmas service. Homer: Maybe he's cheating on us with the Episcopalians. Look at them, with their bright airy narthax and light flaky Eucharist!

[HABF04] Flanders buys back his borrowed copied of Joseph and the Amazing Tecnicolor Dreamcoat from a Simpsons garage sale

[HABF06] Marge, reading a plaque in Carl's Dad Caverns: Locals and Ahoopi indians believed this stalactite was the finger of Tasistagenie, their God of pointing down.

[HABF07] Church Fundraiser: This Does Not Count As Church

[HABF07] Rev. Lovejoy: This fundraiser is close to achieving the Lord's goal, building a taller steeple than the one on that snooty Episcopal church across the street.

[HABF11] Ned Flanders whips his back (parodying "The Da Vinci Code" wherein Silas does the same) for accidentally rhyming words and hence making a poem

[HABF11] Homer (in Mayflower story): Don't worry Marge, I'll see to it you fundamendalist Christians live to take over all America by the 21st century!

[HABF20] Bart (to Marge): It's like you're the Jesus of carpentry!

[JABF11] Reverend Lovejoy: I am reminded of the story of wise King Soloman.

[JABF14] Pricipal Skinner: Lord give me Guidance! That's right, Guidance Department, Detention room. Thank you Mrs. Lord.

[JABF15] Homer: This is the last picture on the roll. Bart: Praise the Lord!

[JABF15] Flanders sends email to group Online Christian Soldiers with Subject: Televised Super Swear

[JABF16] Bart: Trick or Treat isn't just some phrase you chant mindlessly like the Lord's Prayer, its an oral contract.

[KABF01] Kent Brockman: America has a tradition of turning outlaws into legends after their deaths. Billy the Kid. Bonnie and Clyde. Jesus Christ.

Religious Music and Singing

Note: This list only includes religious music - a list of all modern songs that have been heard on the Simpsons is found in Music Featured on the Simpsons.

[7G08] O Little Town of Bethlehem {rl}

[7G08] Silent Night {rl}

[7G11] [waiters] Nearer My God to Thee {rl}

[7F03] Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah as it begins to snow {rl}

[7F06] My Heart at Thy Sweet Voice {rl}

[7F07] We Gather Together to Ask the Lord's Blessing {rl}

[7F09] Funeral March {rl}

[7F11] (Lisa on sax) When the Saints Go Marching In

[8F10] You Light Up My Life {rl}

[8F16] [Rod & Todd] Bringing in the Sheaves {rl}

[8F22] [singing Nun] Dominique {dj}

[8F23] Onward Christian Soldiers {rl}

[8F23] [Flanders doorbell] A Mighty Fortress is Our God {ag}

[9F01] Flanders family sing to Homer "God said to Noah, there's gonna be a floody floody." "The rain came down, it started to get muddy muddy." "Get those animals [clap] out on the archy archy"

[9F08] Rod and Todd sing "I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart (where) down in my heart to stay, and if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack (oow!) sit on a tack...."

[9F09] [a young Homer] O Holy Night {rl}

[1F04] Hark, the Herald Angels Sing {rl}

[1F10] If You're Saved (Happy) and You Know It {rl}

[1F14] [Ned] Bringing in the Sheaves {rl}

[2F04] Bringing in the Sheaves {rl}

[2F15] Amazing Grace [Maggie was supposed to sing it] {rl}

[2F21] [Ned] Bringing in the Sheaves {rl}

[3F01] Amazing Grace {kb}

[3F01] Ned has a Hallelujah Chorus air horn

[3F02] 'In the Garden of Eden' by I. Ron Butterfly [parody]

[3F07] The Little Drummer Boy {kb}

[4F13] Jesus-rock stylings performance of Testament, in the church basement {kb}

[4F14] Amazing Grace (sung by Sideshow Bob) {kb}

[4F18] Jesus is Just Alright

[5F04] [Apu] God Bless America {kb}

[5F05] [Homer's angel song] parody of Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah {kb}

[5F05] [Ned mentions] Amazing Grace

[5F05] [Ned mentions] Nearer My God to Thee

[5F07] Hark the Herald Angels Sing {kb}

[5F14] [Homer] God Bless America {kb}

[BABF04] [Flanders doorbell] Bringing in the Sheaves

[BABF06] [Brother Faith sings] "Now let's hear it, for the Holy Spirit, No need to fear it, just revere it, he works in heaven..."

[BABF10] Amazing Grace (bagpipes at Maude's funeral)

[BABF22] Hark, the Herald Angels Sing is what Homer whistles according to closed captioning, but prior to broadcast it was changed to "The Battle Hymn of the Republic".

[CABF02] Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me (Homer browsing Dancing Jesus web site)

[CABF15] Jesus Loves Me (alternate words) Rachel Jordan: Jesus loves me this I'm sure, I'm a groupie on his door..

[EABF06] [Homer humming] Bringing In The Sheaves

[EABF08] Rod & Todd singing: Jesus is the rock that rolls my blues away

[EABF13] Episode opens with the Simpsons caroling (primarily non-ecumenical)

[FABF19] Sung by Saks Fifth Grade clerk with new lyrics

Silver Bells (sung)

Winter Wonderland (sung)

Hava Nagila (using words "Have a, nice Christmas have a, nice Christmas..")

Krusty: That's even worse than I'm dreaming of a whitefish Christmas!

O Tannenbaum (mentioned)

Good King Wenceslas (mentioned and then Homer hums)

Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring (mentioned)

[EABF14] Battle Hymn of the Republic ("..Glory, Glory, Hallelujah..")

[FABF01] The Beach Boys Experience (sung to the tune of Kokomo)

Mezuzah, Menorah, created from the Torah

Pastrami, knishes, on to set some dishes

A church with, no steeple, for the chosen people..

[FABF02] Bringing in the Sheaves is playing on the organ at church

[FABF02] Hark the Herald Angels Sing sung by Springfield town

[GABF21] Deck the Halls, Homer singing, hanging up a stocking (Lisa: June?)

[HABF01] Away in the Manager, background music during first segment

[HABF01] Deck the Halls, background music during second segment

[HABF07] Rock of Ages plays in background during start of Duck Race at the church fundraiser

[JABF11] This Little Light of Mine

Lovejoys:

This little light of mine! I'm gonna let it shine!

Oh glory this little light of mine! I'm gonna let it shine.

Everyday! Everyday! Everyday! Yeah, yeah!

{rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie Jr.
{kb}  Kevin A. Bowman
{dj}  Darrel Jones
{ag}  Andrew A. Gill
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{rg}  Rebecca Gadalius
{db}  Daniel Braunstein
{dm}  Dale C. McDaniel