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Newspapers

• Springfield Shopper Headlines and References
  • (We're slowly noting the price on each entry.)
  • Springfield News Group, Inc. www.springfieldshopper.com ([CABF22])
  • [7G03] [Free] Simpson Says Safe!
  • [7G03] [Free] Dozens Cheer Homer Simpson
  • [7G03] [Free] Homer Simpson Strikes Again!
  • [7G03] [Free] Watch Out, Here Comes Homer
  • [7G03] [Free] Enough Already Homer Simpson!
  • [7G08] [on sign outside school] Annual Christmas Pageant - "***1/2*" Springfield Shopper
  • [7F01] [Free] Mutation Caught at Ol' Fishin' Hole; Is Power Plant Responsible? Boy Was Using Five Pound Test And Ordinary Worms; Sister Was Just There For The Tranquility
  • [7F01] [in scrapbook] Vandal Decapitates Town Statue; Who is El Barto; Police Puzzled
  • [7F01] [Free] Fishin' Hole or Fission Hole?; Burns Denies Responsibility in Fish Flap; Count The Eyes, Mr. Burns!
  • [7F01] [Free] Governor Calls for Power Plant Investigation
  • [7F01] [Free] Burns Enters Gubernatorial Race; 3 Eyed Fish In Every Pot?
  • [7F01] [Free] Burns Skyrockets to Seven Percent in Latest Polls
  • [7F01] [Free] Burns Band Wagon Rolls On; Latest Poll Puts Him at 22 Percent
  • [7F01] [Free] Burns Nukes Bailey in Latest Poll; Forty-Two Percent And Climbing
  • [7F09] [1.00??] Art Treasure to Visit Springfield; Michelangelo's David in 1958
  • [7F10] Burns Fires Ungrateful Employee
  • [7F10] Another Smart Move by Burns
  • [7F10] Hooray for Burns!
  • [7F23] [Free] President Declares World Peace (illustrated with president at podium)
  • [7F23] [Free] President Simpson Declares World Peace (illustrated with Homer in car in parade)
  • [7F23] [Free] President Simpson Wins Super Bowl
  • [7F24] [No Price] Michael Jackson Hoax; Everyone Mad at Local Boy [Bart on cover] [Back has advertisement "Lost Our Lease"]
  • [8F02] [Free] World Peace Declared [Smiling Lisa Simpson pictured]
  • [8F02] [Free] Monsters Okay Slavery Plan [photo of Kodos or Kang]
  • [8F02] [Free] [Lisa seen reading classified]
  • [8F03] [Free] Principal Skinner Missing: Police Search For Body [Photo of Principal Skinner]
  • [8F03] [Free] Psychic Joins Skinner Hunt [Photo of Psychic (woman with hat/earrings)]
  • [8F03] [Free] Principal Murder Trial Begins Today [Photo of Bart in handcuffs being led away]
  • [8F03] [Free] Sentencing Today For Dinky Don [Drawing of Bart as a snake ensnaring Springfield]
  • [8F08] [Free] Wizard of Walnut Street [picture of Moe]; Moe with a Flaming Moe
  • [8F11] Squirrel Resembling Abraham Lincoln Found
  • [8F11] Prez Sez: School is For Losers
  • [8F17] Lottery Drawing Today; President, Rock Star to Swap Wives
  • [9F02] [Free] Lisa Kicks Butt (Photo of Lisa on Laramie Cigarette float)
  • [9F02] [Free] Queen to Mayor: You're Next (Photo of Lisa and Mayor Quimby); Nerds Pummelled [Sic] in Football Melee
  • [9F04] [Free] [THOH III] November 19, 1936 Woman Weds Ape; Dick Cavett Born
  • [9F08] [Free] Mondale to Hart: Where's the Beef? (photos of Mondale and Hart)
  • [9F10] [Free] Burns Pays City 3 Mil! (photo of cop wheeling Burns out with Smithers carrying statue of Justice he also bought)
  • [9F13] You Need a Heart to Live
  • [9F19] [No Price] Who is Gabbo? (Message on p. A23)
  • [9F19] [No Price] Five Days til Gabbo
  • [9F19] [No Price] Gabbo Here Today
  • [9F19] [No Price] Quimby Re-elected by Landslide; Two More Bodies Surface in Springfield Harbor (photo of victorious Quimby)
  • [9F19] [Free] Gabbo Still #1 in Springfield; Brockman Fired (photos of Gabbo and Brockman shown)
  • [9F19] [No Price] Krusty Special Airs Today; Gabbo to Have Real Boy Operation
  • [9F21] Snow storm hits the Midwest
  • [1F01] Burns' Birthday Today; Credits Long Life to Satan
  • [1F09] Cat Burglar Strikes 15 Homes; Man Marries Woman in Wedding Ceremony
  • [1F09] Burglar Strikes Again; Is Nothing Safe? [paper gets stolen]
  • [1F09] Zirconia Ztolen!!!; Simpson Asleep at Switch
  • [1F12] Local Gays Show Their Pride [photo of Bart]
  • [1F14] Big Fat Man Has Big Fat Heart; Little Thin Man Accused in Robbery
  • [1F15] KBBL Cheats Straight A Student!! [photo of Bart]
  • [1F19] Quimby Nephew Charged in Beating; Chowder said Wrong
  • [2F02] [Free] Bob Pardon: #1 Local Issue; Edges Out "No Fat Chicks" Ordinance
  • [2F02] [Free] Call For Probe in Bob Flap; Editorial: Why Not Let Dead Pets Vote?
  • [2F02] [Free] Toddlers Topple Mayor [photo of Bart and Lisa]; Expressway Halt Rankles Elderly [photo of Grampa]
  • [2F11] [Free] Prez Sez: "School For Losers"
  • [2F11] [Free] Boy Discovers Comet (photo of smiling Bart)
  • [2F11] [Free] Rocket to Kick Comet's Tail (photo of rocket); Mayor Visits City
  • [2F16] [Free] Awful School is Awful Rich (photo of Springfield Elementary with an oil well coming out of the roof)
  • [2F16] [Free] Burns Plans Sunshine Halt (photo of Burns); SPECIAL SECTION: Your Guide to Perpetual Darkness; Town Meeting Friday
    Note: This newspaper can also be seen on the Season 6 DVD Extras index page.
  • [2F17] [Free] Who Will Be Fallout Boy? Who Will Be Fallout Boy? (shadow of head with question mark)
  • [2F17] [Free] Milhouse Disappears!  Movie on Hold
  • [2F17] [Free] Spinning Newspaper Injures Printer
  • [2F31] [Free] (older issue) Incontinent Old Man Wins Miss Teen America
  • [3F01] [Free] (older issue) America Loves Ted Kennedy (photo of Ted Kennedy on cover)
  • [3F01] [Free] (older issue) 40 Trampled at Poco Concert
  • [3F06] [Free] Local Man Loses Pants, Life  Beaver Rescue Falls Short ((Four photos of beavers.)
  • [3F08] [not shown] Simpson Family looking at advertisement for the Air Show
  • [3F13] [no price] Parade to Distract Joyless Citizenry
  • [3F15] [page 10] Troy A Little Tenderness (photo of Troy kissing Selma) Look Who's Drunk: McBain drunk
  • [3F15] [not visible] Troy Weds (photo of Selma and Troy) (photo of Troy)
  • [3F16] [Free] Bum Sues Cartoon King; Got Legal Fee From Some Family
  • [3F18] Helms Calls for Donut Tax; Deadbeat Dad Beat Dead
  • [3F20] [35 cents] Quimby's Proposition 24 on Ballot; Quimby Propositions 24 at Ballet
  • [3F20] [35 cents] Police Prepare for Deportations; Bear Patrol Steps Up Bombing Campaign
  • [3F23] Supervillian Seizes the East Coast
  • [3F24] Kickin' Back; Fifty Ways to Waste Your Weekend
  • [3G01] Human Blimp Sees Flying Saucer
  • [4F03] Champ to Whale on Local Man
  • [4F12] Funny Dog to Make Life Worth While
  • [4F14] Maniac to Live at Brother's Apartment
  • [4F15] [35 cents] Alcohol Prohibited in Springfield; Bums Threaten to Leave Town
  • [4F15] [35 cents] City Goes Dry Today; Bums Extend Deadline
  • [4F15] [35 cents] Banner Bars Booze; Booze Barred By Banner
  • [4F15] [25 cents] Beer Baron Beats Banner; Family Sedan Outruns Cops
  • [4F17] Burns to Open Recycling Plant; Makes Other Bums Look Bad
  • [5F02] [35 cents] Neutron Bomb Headed for Springfield - Hippo Promoted to Detective (photo of hippo with police hat)
  • [5F06] Gruesome murders at socialite's house; Mrs. Astor Safe
  • [5F09] New Face in Trash Race - Local Nut at It Again
  • [5F09] Simpson wins in landslide; Says "crazy promises" the key
  • [5F10] Dog kills cat, self
  • [5F18] Local couple bares all; Police dog clings to life
  • [5F23] [35 cents] Springfield Shopper Purchased by Evil Cult; Check Out Our New Cult Lifestyle Section [the Evil is crossed out and Nice is written in]
  • [AABF09] It's War
  • [AABF11] Tax Hike Approved
  • [AABF16] [50 cents] Town Prepares for Olympics; Pickpockets Call Up Reserves
  • [AABF21] Unusually Large, Ugly Baby Born
  • [BABF03] Nahasapeemapetilan-tastic!
  • [CABF01] Lisa Alive! Hemp City reduced to stems and seeds
  • [CABF02] Web Snoop Discovers Pool Hustle
  • [CABF13] Food Supply Cut Short Off - Even Pies
  • [CABF14] [50 cents] First Day of Spring - Ants, Picnickers, Reach Last-Minute Accord [dated March 21]
  • [CABF22] [50 cents 1.75 Sunday] Pair Sinks Judge's House Quilt Ruined
  • [DABF01] [25 cents] Simpsons Arrested in Family Riot - Even Maggie
  • [DABF04] [50 cents] Sleep Important, Say Experts - Slow News Day Grips Springfield
  • [DABF11] Medical Marijuana Outlawed [bong in red circle strikeout on cover]
  • [DABF16] [50 cents] HO. J. SIMPSONS Trial Starts Today [picture of Homer]
  • [DABF17] [50 cents] Heat Wave Continues [words then melt off front of newspaper]
  • [DABF18] [50 cents] Crazed Mom Goes Topless Photos Pages 3-28 TV Clown Saves Day
  • [EABF02] [50 cents] Teacher Nominated for Award: Will She Leave Old Life Behind? [Mrs. Krabappel shown at podium]; Closed Pistachio Stymies Fatso [CBG shown holding a pistachio]
  • [EABF03] [no price] Drunk Cop Fired From Force; Private Eye Wins Bake-Off
  • [EABF08] [50 cents] Lonely Men Die Early
  • [EABF12] [50 cents] Bumblebee Man Caught in Sting
  • [EABF14] [no price] LIFEWAYS Weekend Edition: Ale Of The Pup [Santa's Little Helper seen drinking Duff]
  • [EABF16] [50 cents] Cavalry Kids Lead Charge In Cleanup; President Shoots Wife
  • [EABF17] [not visible] Cover: Miss Springfield[?] Inside: Baby Saved By Local Hero, Not Father; Men's Dress Slacks At Low Prices! Costington's
  • [EABF18] [50 cents] Mayor Unveils Erection to Cheering Crowd [shown on TV by Kent Brockman]
  • [EABF18] [50 cents] Peace Talks Break Down [picture of tank seen]
  • [EABF18] [50 cents] Iowa Home to World's Biggest Pizza
  • [FABF03] [50 cents] "Families Come First" On Ballet - Second Headline Less Important, Studies Show [Photo of Marge Simpson with arms crossed]
  • [FABF03] [50 cents] "Families Come First" Wrong For Springfield
  • [FABF03] [50 cents] Costs Too Much, Does Too Little
  • [FABF04] [25 cents] Can't see a headline, but observe the price!
  • [FABF08] [50 cents] Simpsons Found Guilty, Sentenced to 10 Tears [Homer pictured being led away] Local Bully to Homer" "Haw Haw" [picture of Nelson pointing]
  • [FABF17] [Springfield Shopper Editor to writer] I want you to over hype this story so much it makes the New York Post look like the New York Times! Or the New York Times look like the New York Post. I forget which one the good one is.
  • [FABF17] [no price] U-ASS-A!
  • [FABF18] Springfield Shopper: A Division of BurnsMedia [Sign now outside headquarters]
  • [FABF18] [50 cents] Beloved Hero Cheats Death (referring to Burns)
  • [FABF18] [50 cents] Lisa's a Total Whacko, Implies Father [photo of Homer talking into the lamp in Burn's office]
  • [FABF18] [50 cents] Lisa Loves Milhouse [separate photos of Lisa and Milhouse]
  • [FABF20] [50 cents] Father of Eight Missing [photo of Apu seen]
  • [GABF01] [50 cents] (framed in Moe's) Triple Murder At Moe's (picture of Moe's)
  • [GABF02] [50 cents] (Shown during "The Passion of Cain and Abel") Massachusetts Okays Gay Marriage
  • [GABF02] [50 cents] (Shown during "The Passion of Cain and Abel") Stem Cells Cure Alzheimers
  • [GABF03] [50 cents] (framed on Wiggum's wall) Wiggum Sleeps Through Riot (illustrated with Wiggum sleeping and another of a riot burning a car and looting)
  • [GABF03] [50 cents] (framed on Wiggum's wall) Top Cop Surrenders to Backfiring Car (illustrated with Wiggum holding his hands up to a police car behind him)
  • [GABF03] [50 cents] (framed on Wiggum's wall) Firemen Rescue Police Chief From Tree (classic scene of firemen climbing a ladder up a tree but with Wiggum instead of a cat)
  • [GABF03] [50 cents] (framed on Wiggum's wall) Commission: Wiggum Sucks (illustrated with Wiggum give a thumbs up)
  • [GABF03] [50 cents] Hail Drought Continues Tin Roofs Undented
  • [GABF03] [50 cents] Wiggum Rescues Boy No, Really (Illustrated with photo of Wiggum with arm around Bart)
  • [GABF08] [50 cents] God Steals Sun - Mayor Offers Sacrifices (illustrated by picture of eclipsed sun and Quimby holding a lamb and a goat)
  • [GABF09] [50 cents] Local Father, Son May Switch Religions
  • [GABF13] [50 cents] L'il Starmaker Fever Sweeps Springfield! (illustrated with a picture of Krusty the Clown)
  • [GABF13] [50 cents] 10-Year-Old Boy Disqualified - Is Actually Paul Simon (illustrated with Paul Simon in cuffs led away by the police)
  • [GABF13] [50 cents] L'il Starmaker Down To Three Finalists (illustrated with photo of Lisa, Cameron and Carisa Wellington)
  • [HABF01] [50 cents] Couch Gag Thrills Nation (standard family on couch watching television scene) (Couch scene opening)
  • [HABF08] [cover not seen] Homer cuts article out of Springfield Shopper: Family Circus
  • [HABF09] [50 cents] Old Man Beats Meat (toreador Grampa Simpson photo shown)
  • [HABF15] [50 cents] Local Man Thinks Wrestling is Real (photo of Homer cheering on a wrestling match)
  • [HABF17] [50 cents] Bulls Hospitalized: Nerds, Dorks Cautiously Rejoice (no photo)
  • [HABF17] [2 cents] October 31, 1938 - Broadcast Fools Nation, Springfield (photo of Orson Welles broadcasting)
  • [JABF01] [35 cents] Today We Remember Martin Luther King - Tomorrow We Don't
  • [JABF10] [50 cents] Couch Gag Thrills Nation (photo of Simpsons in standard couch view)
  • [JABF14] [50 cents] Mayor's Breath Still Problem (Photo of Mayor Quimby); Corn Less Popular; Bake Sale Today (Milhouse pretending to read, holding upside down, spying)
  • [MOVIE1] [50 cents] Springfield Cleans Up Act - Pushy Kid Nags Town (photo of Lisa)
  • [KABF01] [50 cents] Boy Shames Region (angry Bart pictured, arms crossed)
  • [KABF07] [35 cents] [Lisa imagines] Bart Killed Martin (picture of Bart) Lisa Helped (picture of Lisa)
  • [KABF16] [50 cents] Christmas Occurs
  • [KABF19] [cover not seen] The Daily Crossword
  • [KABF21] [50 cents] [Homer imagines] Honey Famine Continues (drawing of empty honey pot and dipper)
  • [LABF09] [50 cents] Springfield Community Playhouse Presents
  • [LABF09] [not visible] Macbeth's Best
• America Today (appears within movie Left Below)
  • [GABF14] Permissive Lifestyles on Rise - Bible Mocked
• Apartment Finder "We Put You in Your Place"
  • [EABF12] Advertisement within;
    Roomate Wanted For Three Bedroom Apartment
    Spacious, river view, only $400 a month. Call KLN-5555 ask for Grady or Julio or visit between 9am- 5pm at Village Apartments, Springfield.
• The Barney Bugle
• Chateau d'if Times
  • [JABF05] Prisoner's Wife Remarries (photo of Marge with Moe)
• The Chicago Daily Tribune
  • [DABF18] Dewey Defeats Truman - G.O.P. Sweep Indicated in State; Boyle Leads in City
  • [FABF18] Section B: Ralphings: I Can Go On The Bus [by Ralph Wiggum]
• The Chippewa Bugle
  • [JABF04] Feds to Keep Interest Rates Steady
• The Daily Growl
  • [KABF14] Man Bites Dog
  • [KABF14] Homer: (pulling "newspaper" from dog) Give me back my paper!
    Marge: Homer it's not a real paper it's a rubber chew toy!
• The Daily Mail
  • [EABF22] Bart and Prince Harry - Out of Control? [Picture of Bart, Prince Harry, and a bouncer outside of a club and two observers)
• The Daily Set-Up
  • [CABF08] Lisa reads about event at Android's Dungeon but no headline is seen
• Daily Variety
  • [KABF11] Sundance Edition - Sundance Loves Little Backstabber (photo of Lisa Simpson)
• The Evening Standard
  • [FABF10] [Picture of ringed planet on cover]
  • [HABF03] (Newspaper Grampa is reading in flashback with Homer as a little boy) [Picture of Saturn on cover. Again]
• The Financial Times
  • [JABF09] (Krusty reading while Cletus children are performing)
• The Globe
  • [AABF21] Titanic Sinks 1500 Dead
• Gotham Herald
  • [JABF05] Crimson Cockatoo Beaten Senseless (Photo of a semi-conscious Grampa wearing a strange costume)
  • [JABF05] Muscular Child Terrorizes Underworld (Photo of Bartman)
• Herald
  • [AABF21] Zep Crash Kills 31
• The Homer Times
  • [FABF08] My Daughter, The Hero [Illustrated with photo of Lisa]
• The Humbletonian
  • [GABF15] [50 cents] Hair Führer (illustrated with photo of Ned Flanders)
• Jewish News
  • [AABF21] State of Israel Born
• The Lenny Saver
  • [FABF08] The Truth About Carl: He's Great! [Illustrated with photo of Carl]
• The Mirror
  • [EABF22] Simpo to UK: "I'll Kill You All" [Angry picture of Homer Simpson]
  • [EABF22] Wacko Jacko to Blimpo Simp: Sell Me Your Bones [Illustrated with picture of Jackson and Homer]
• National Informer
  Largest Circulation of Any Paper 79 cents
  • [7G09] Bigfoot Still At Large
  • [7G09] I Married Bigfoot; Shocking Interview Inside
  • [7G09] Bigfoot's Wife Pleads: "Call Him Homer!"; Lurid Details Inside
  • [7G09] The Bigfoot Diet: "Pork Chops Aplenty"; Tasty Recipes Inside
• The National Whoops
  • [EABF08] Sara Lives In Sin, Mess
• The New Dehli Daily
  • [FABF20] [2 Rupees] Steve Barnes Opens Convenience Store (picture of Apu with glasses and wig disguise)
• The New York Post
  • [FABF17] [Springfield Shopper Editor to writer] I want you to over hype this story so much it makes the New York Post look like the New York Times! Or the New York Times look like the New York Post. I forget which one the good one is.
• The New York Times
  • [CABF16] Sign outside awards ceremony: The Good Guy Awards "Pointless" - NY Times
  • [EABF12] Homer: Why are you reading the New York Times? You don't live in New York!
  • [EABF18] Greenspan Won't Deny Rumor of No Rate Hike
  • [FABF17] [Springfield Shopper Editor to writer] I want you to over hype this story so much it makes the New York Post look like the New York Times! Or the New York Times look like the New York Post. I forget which one the good one is.
  • [KABF19] New York Times and New York Times crosswords feature promenently in this episode
  • [KABF19] Actual Nov 16 2008 Sunday New York Times crossword has Simpsons theme in clues and answers and is used within episode
  • [KABF19] Lisa: Grampa, everyone knows the only real test of skill is the New York Times crossword edited by Will Shortz.
  • [KABF19] NY Times Puzzle editors Will Shortz and Merle Reagle guest star on The Simpsons.
• Outhouse Times Picayune
  • [EABF02] Reporter Cletus
• The Post
  • [AABF21] It's V-E Day!
• Queer Focus
  • [GABF15] (Found by Bart in artsy Limited Appeal Theatre)
• Racing Form
  • [2F01] Racing Form
  • [JABF05] Racing Form
• The Red Dress Press [Lisa's newspaper!]
  • [FABF18] Lisa to Burns: "Drop Dead" [parody of "Ford to City: Drop Dead" in Daily News] Ralph Wiggum's Oscar Picks [Illustrated with picture of Ralph Wiggum picking..]
  • [FABF18] Political cartoon of Burns tying the dog Free Speech to the tracks with train Smithers about to run him over.
  • [FABF18] Nyah, Nyah, We're Back Lisa Rules, Burns Drools
  • [FABF18] Final "I Give Up" Edition
• The Sentinel (when Marge was 16)
  • [JABF07] Cheerleader Flung Into Next County (photo of Cheerleader flying out of a stadium)
  • [JABF07] Boy Brings Enough For Everyone (photo of children gathered around cupcakes)
  • [JABF07] Typing Class Tragedy (photo of fifteen coffins)
• Springfield High News
  • [FABF22] Sham Chowder by Chloe Talbot Photo by Marge Bouvier (photo of Moe spitting into the soup)
• Springfield Power Plant Employee Newsletter ['Current' Events]
  • [7F02] Work Accidents Reach Record Low
  • [7F02] Output up 15 Percent
  • [7F02] Management Caves in Condiment Outrage
  • [3F05] (Vol. 7 Employee Newsletter) Burns Survives Brush With Shut-In (Photo of Burns a partial of Homer)
• Springfield Times
  • [AABF21] Man Walks on the Moon
• Springfield Variety (see also Variety)
  • [8F19] HIX IN STIX LOVE CHIX LIX
  • [9F19] GABBO FABBO! KRUSTY RUSTY! (photos of Gabbo and a dejected Krusty shown)
• Springfield Weekly
  • [7G09] Science and Creatures; Big Foot Hunt; Reward Offer $5000.00 alive; Details Inside
• The Sun
  • [EABF22] Yankee Doodle Randy: Topless Homer on Page 3
  • [EABF22] Judge Goes Medieval on Simpson's Ass [picture of Judge]
• The Times of London
  • [EABF22] Yank Bangs Queen, Old Bean [Picture of Homer with caption "Homer J. Simpson"]
• Toon Times
  • [BABF04] Scientist Clones Sheep [on I&S]
• Twin Spin
  • [FABF08] Are You a Patty or a Selma?
• US of A Today
  • [8F04] America's Favorite Pencil; #2 is #1
• Variety (see also Springfield Variety)
  • [2F17] Milhouse Meltdown: Ankles Pic - Flick Sick
• (Rubert Murdoch's) Wall Street Journal
  • [JABF17] Republican Tax Cuts Let Marge Simpson Succeed (drawing or Marge on cover)
  • [JABF18] [Opening blackboard] The Wall Street Journal Is Better Than Ever
• Washington Beacon
  • [8F01] [Free] Never Too Busy....[Lisa with Congressman]
  • [8F01] [Free] EXTRA! Congress Cleans House [Photo of Bob Arnold behind bars]
• The Washingtoon Post (within an Itchy & Scratchy Movie)
  • [MOVIE1] Mouse Hero Returns - Did Everything to Save Cat (Itchy saluting in front of US Flag) A Widow Mourns (Mrs. Scratchy mourning in veil with hankerchef)
• Weekly World News
  • [EABF08] Can't your buddy Moe stop by with a list of questions from the Weekly World News?
• The Willy World News
  • [FABF08] [reviews the new tractors]
• The Flanders Press
  • [3F01] Playtime is Fun
  • [3F01] Extra Extra! Todd Smells
  • [3F01] Simpson Kids Miss Mom & Dad
• Daily Fourth Gradian
  • [7F19] Bart to Martin: Eat My Shorts
  • [7F19] Simpson Defeats Prince
  • [7F19] Extra!!! Prince Beats Simpson
  • [8F15] Foodfight Foiled Fishsticks Seized
  • [DABF13] Photo on front shows Groundskeeper Willy and Groundskeeper Willie's enemy Seamus
  • [DABF15] Martin Prince, Daily Fourth Gradian, asks Skinner to let him take his photo for the society page
  • [EABF20] School Elections Today Are you a Bart or a Milhouse? Take Our Quiz
  • [FABF17] In-De No-Pants Day!
  • [JABF19] Lisa Simpson Awarded Student of Millenium
  • [JABF22] Mad About Milhouse 73% - Batty For Bart 27% - Illustrated with bar graphs and Milhouse/Bart heads
  • [LABF15] Exclusive: Tipsy Teacher Mars Assembly - Reveals Size of Principal's Wang - "I know wasted - and that's wasted." Jimbo Jones - Cover of Krabappel, inset of Jimbo and Springfield Elementary
• Scratchy reading a unidentified newspaper
  • [9F01] Moon Launch Today!
• Another unidentified newspaper on I&S:
  • [3F16] Scratchy Dead! Peace After Long Illness
• Personal Ads in Paper
  • [9F04] ... YOU LIKE pina colada, getting caught in the rain? Come with me and escape. Box 205.
  • [9F04] SWF WANTED For mysterious expedition. Must like monkeys. Non-smoker preferred. [Marge answers this ad in THOH III]
  • [9F04] SWF NEEDED to rescue me from the jaws of bachelorhood. Box 953
• Headline Homer reads to avoid talking to Marge
  • [9F05] Canada to Hold Referendum
• Homer Achieves a Lifelong Dream in unidentified newspaper article
  • [9F10] IDIOT RUINS GAME Springfield Forfeits Pennant (Photo of Homer running across field with two cops chasing him)
• Lisa listens to Corey reading a newspaper on the Corey Hotline
  • [9F12] Canada stalls on trade pact.
• Bart's Gag Headline From the Carnival
  • [2F14] Bart Named World's Greatest Sex Machine
• Homer's Food Reviews in the Springfield Shopper
  • [AABF21] Nuts to Soup by Homer Simpson, Food Critic
  • [AABF21] Cod is Great Scrod is Good
  • [AABF21] Thar, She Blows!
• Homer's Suggestions For the Oops Patrol
  • [EABF18] Cranford Man Missing
  • [EABF18] Drought Threatens to Turn West Into Desert

Magazines, Journals and Catalogs

• [9F11] 101 Frozen Pops - Springfield Sperm Bank - Monthly Edition
• [HABF18] 3D
• [3F08], [3F22] American Breast Enthusiast $3.50
• [HABF19] American Poetry Perspectives
• [HABF13] Amnesia Monthly: Tips on Finding Your Way Home
• [LABF01] Anxious Mother (Part of new HD Show Opening)
  One on shelf and one Marge is holding with Absolut Krusty ad on back
• [LABF05] Ape (read by Homer King Kong fades to Homer reading People.)
• [AABF15] Art in America
• [1F17], [EABF08] Bad Boy's Life
• [8F05] Ballpoint Pen Digest
  "History of the Ballpoint Pen", "Free Pen Offer", "Evaluating Inks"
• [8F05] Ballooning Monthly
  "Balloon Races", "How to Fly Higher Without Losing Consciousness" [SIC], "Using a North-West Breeze to Your Advantage", "Baskets", "Customized Balloon Ideas!"
• [8F08] Bar and Stool Magazine "Through the Roof!" [Moe, arms crossed, in front of a Flaming Homer on the bar]
• [KABF20] Barely Regal Magazine "Prince Olaf of Norway" (title is parody of Barely Legal, i.e., teen porn)
• [EABF22] BARTFORUM
• [HABF18] Baseball
• [2F21] Bear Baiter Magazine $4.95 (Man disguised as steak taunting a bear)
• [3G01] Better Homes than Yours
• [KABF04] Big & Tall Halloween Costumes Catalog
• [AABF17] Billionaire Beat
• [HABF18] Blowin' (Jazz magazine, Bart on cover)
• [DABF10] Blue Pants Weekly
• [7G07] the Bowl Earth Catalog
• [5F15] Braille Weekly
• [FABF18] Burns Weekly "It's Too Late"
• [JABF14] Cars
• [4F16] Cartoons
• [3F20] Cat Fancier Magazine
• [GABF19] Cat Fancy
• [3F08] Cheek Week
• [FABF21] Chestwear Monthly: Public Cottons to Simpson's Shirts Pocket-T's At A Crossroads (Bart holding up a green T-Shirt Stop World Hunger, Eat My Shorts!)
• [DABF01] Cigarette Aficionado
• [HABF18] City
• [2F21] Cliff Biker #9 $4.95 "The Art of Falling" (Biker descending an almost verticle wall)
• [BABF19] Coin Laundry News
• [5F14], [KABF21] Collier's Magazine [KABF21] December 1943 issue featured Montgomery Burns]
• [HABF18] Concert Hall
• [GABF08] Concert Hall Weekly So Good It's Gehry
• [GABF08] Confirmed Bachelor Magazine (Man ironing on front)
• [8F05] Cooking with Coconut Magazine
  "Recipes for the Holidays", "10 Easy Tips for Growing Your Own Tree"
• [8F15], [3F10] Cracked Magazine
• [8F15] Crazy
• [2F21] Danger Liker "Minefields: Playground for the '90s" (Someone on a pogo stick in a minefield)
• [BABF02] Details
• [JABF14] Dogs
• [5F02] D'OH!
• [LABF01] Donut Fancy (Part of new HD Show Opening)
  
• [HABF18] Dream Denied Magazine "Downbeat Simpson" (featuring a dejected Lisa on the cover)
• [2F31], [3F20] [Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman] Entertainment Weekly
• [EABF08] Envy
• [KABF18] Esquire "Women We Love"
• [8F22] Eternity Magazine
• [8F05] Faberge Egg Owner
• [JABF09] Family Psychiatry
• [FABF15] Fantastic Floor Annual Hardwood Issue 12 cents
• [FABF19] First-Born Twin Magazine
• [8F10] Fission Illustrated
• [7G02] Feeble [part of original show opening]
• [8F23] Forbes
• [JABF17] Fortunate Magazine "GYM CLA$$" Marge on cover
• [9F08] Fretful Mother Magazine "Inside: Why Baby Can't Read"
• [9F08] Fretful Mother Magazine "Inside: Is Your Baby Too Cute"
• [2F12] Gigantic Asses No. 74 June 1995
• [4F22] Glamour (read by receptionist at MAD Magazine)
• [2F21] Glass Eater #4 $4.95 US Wine Bottles Our Ten Favorite Vintages (someone eating a wine bottle)
• [4F09] Good Housekeeping
• [GABF19], [HABF18] GQ
• [3F08] Granny Fanny
• [GABF03] Gravy Aficionado "The New Browns Are In"
• [FABF22] Harper's Magazine
• [JABF09] Health Psychology
• [GABF19] Hip Punishments
• [MG36] Home Magazine
• [HABF13] Homemaker Magazine
• [JABF06] Homer
• [5F02] Hook
• [HABF18], [JABF14] House
• [5F02] ICE
• [8F07] Idle Chatter [where inside we hear read..] "Test Your F.Q. - Fatherhood Quotient"
• [HABF16] The Inquisitor "Krusty's Sad Last Days"
• [JABF09] Intuition
• [HABF18] Jazz
• [HABF18] Jazz Jam
• [1F03] Jet
• [7F14] Journal of Canine Obedience
• [AABF11] Jugs
• [EABF01] Jugs & Ammo "A Larry Flintlock Publication"
• [3G01], [3G04] Junior Skeptic Magazine
• [JABF19] Laffways Magazine: Krusty on cover "Worst of 2007" Worse than Scuzzo, Scummo, Oopsie, Carlos Mencia, Stinko, Blumpie,..even worse than Sergent Serious!
• [JABF05] Liberty
• [GABF01], [JABF05] Life (in GABF01 we see cover "Bloodbath in Laos" (one soldier with knife, two with rifles))
• [5F02] Lifer [MG on cover]
• [3F17], [JABF05] Look
• [4F04] Lotto Picks Weekly
• [8F15], [1F22], [3F10], [4F22] MAD Magazine
  [In [4F22] Bart visits their office in New York]
  [In [CABF12] We see the MAD magazine office tower [which does not in reality exist] blown up
• [EABF05] Mad-Libs
• [4F22] Mademoiselle
• [5F04] Mail Order Brides Magazine
• [7F14] Men
• [BABF14] Meddling Today
• [DABF04] Mens World Magazine
• [FABF22] Men's Fatness "Bad Abs in Six Weeks!"
• [4F03] Millionaire Boxing
• [9F16], [1F03] Modern Bride Magazine
• [JABF22] Modern Couch Gag 10 Couch Gags To Spice Up Your Marriage (OFF on couch on cover) (in opening couch gag)
• [8F05] Modern Jewish Father "Win A Trip to Israel"
• [9F06] Modern Principal 2.50
• [EABF08] Modern Sandcastle
• [7G02] Mom Monthly [part of original show opening]
• [3F21] Mondo Frowno
• [2F21] Mosh Pitter Magazine No. 2 $3.95 US (Someone doing a flying leap into the crowd)
• [JABF14] Motel
• [7F12] Ms. Magazine
• [7F10], [HABF18] Music
• [2F16] My Weekly Reader
• [7G09] National Informer
• [AABF12] New Ager
• [8F23] New Republic for Kids
• [5F02] News
• [HABF08] Newsfake (fake souvenir magazines) Man of the Year (Lenny is pictured)
• [7G02] Newsly [part of original show opening]
• [3F01], [3F22], [BABF05], [JABF05] Newsweek
• [7G12] Newsweekly
• [7G13] Newsweeque
• [HABF05] New York Review of Mops
• [4F16] New Yorker
• [3F01] Nice [on I&S]
• [7F14], [8F11], [9F12], [2F33] Non-Threatening Boys Magazine
  [9F12] "Timmy Tim and His Grandma"  "Meet Joey Joe"

  [MOVIE1] Oatmeal Enthusiast

  [BABF05] Outlaw Biker

  [EABF03] Overpass Monthly

  [4F20], [AABF18], [BABF19], [GABF15], [HABF21] Parade

  • [GABF15] Ned: That's one of my figurines! He scampered out of Parade magazine and into my nick-nack nook..
  • [HABF21] What People Earn

  [EABF07] The Paris Review

  [3F08] PC World Magazine

  [EABF13] Peace Pipe Aficionado "What Your End Feather Says About You"

  [8F07] the Peephole

  [LABF01] Peephole (Part of new HD Show Opening)

  [AABF14], [AABF23], [FABF01], [HABF18], [LABF05] People

  • [AABF14] People magazine given to Eve in the Garden of Eden
  • [AABF23] Marge: People magazine says he's (Mel Gibson) a devoted father, goes to church every week, and likes to fix things around the (home)
  • [FABF01] Krusty is a clue in the crossword puzzle - Unfunny Clown
  • [LABF05] Ape read by Homer King Kong fades to Homer reading People

  [DABF05] Pie Times

  [8F18], [9F22], [AABF12], [BABF03] [Octopia] Playbill

  [7G07], [7F02], [9F01], [9F12], [3G03], [DABF07], [DABF11], [EABF04], [FABF20], [HABF01], [HABF10], [JABF16] Playdude

  • [9F01] July 1966 Don't Laugh - It's a car from Japan (we also see eight other issues)
  • [9F12] July 1966
  • [FABF20] Bart finds 8 Playdudes hidden away by Homer and decides to imitate it's lifestyle]
  • [JABF16] May 1966 Inside: Topless Chicks! (Girl in bikini on the beach)

  [HABF03] Playbooth

  [3F10] Poot

  [KABF04] Popular Science

  [7F10] Popular Secretary Magazine

  [FABF23] Premiere Magazine

  [2F08] Principal's World Magazine (Principal Skinner on the cover)

  [CABF10] Prison Bride

  [JABF09] Psychiatric Quarterly Volume 1 Number 1 Published by the American Psychiatric Association

  [8F21] Psycho Magazine

  [3F10] Punch

  [2F11] Ranger Rick [Deleted Scene]

  [8F01] Reading Digest

  Can We Trust Bermuda?

  Quotable Notables

  They Call Me Dr. Soybean

  Seven Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage

  Reading Digest "Patriots of Tomorrow" Essay Contest

  How to Increase Your Word Power

  [1F04], [BABF02], [KABF04] Redbook

  [2F21] Rock Jumper Magazine #3 $2.95 US "The Magazine For People Who Like to Jump From Rock to Rock"

  [BABF19] Rolling Stone

  [FABF19] Second-Born Twin Magazine

  [BABF19] Short Hair Ideas

  [3F10] Sick

  [5F02] Skywriter

  [3F10] Sniff

  [JABF13] Smothering Mother Magazine

  Are Bees Building Hives in your Diaper Genie?

  The Deadly Truth about Oxygen

  Is Your Baby a Suckaholic?

  [FABF06] Snuffbox Magazine: Fops Drop To Mozart Flop

  [2F21] Sponge and Vacuum $3.95 US "Preview of the '96 sponges"

  [JABF05] Sport

  [7F14] Sports

  [JABF06] The Springfield Inquisitor "Friends Pray for Luigi's Death"

  [JABF06] The Springfield Inquisitor "Mr. Teeny's Cocaine Orgy"

  [9F09] The Springfield Journal of Cardiology

  [8F16] Springfield Magazine

  [7G12] Springfield Review of Books

  [8F19] Springfield Variety Magazine

  [7G09] Springfield Weekly

  [DABF20] Spy Magazine

  [5F20] Success Magazine

  [JABF17] Successful Magazine "Gym Dandy" Marge on cover

  [HABF18] The Sugar Sheet "We ask Bart the questions "Blowin'" wouldn't or couldn't!" (Bart on cover)

  [4F23] Swank

  [2F13] Swimsuit Issue

  [KABF14] Tales of the Kwik-E-Mart "Prices That Will Gouge Your Eyes Out"

  [7F14] Teen Dream

  [DABF22] Teen Modern Maturity

  [7F14] [Martin Sheen's] Teen Scene

  [7F14] Teen Scheme

  [7F14] Teen Scream

  [7F14] Teen Spleen

  [7F14] Teen Steam

  [FABF17] Temporarily Deaf Weekly [girl in bikini with an ear horn on cover]

  [7F12], [9F06], [1F13], [1F15], [3F07], [3F09], [CABF13], [DABF04], [EABF04], [JABF05] Time
  [In [CABF13] Maggie swallows a Time magazine whole]

  [7G12], [8F08] Timely "One Moe for the Road" [Moe in front of a Flaming Homer]

  [7G12] Today's Guns

  [4F12] Toon Beat Magazine

  [BABF04] Toon Times [on I&S]

  [JABF14] Town

  [DABF18] Trade Show Digest "Hausfrau Wows Dog-Chow Pow-Wow"

  [AABF08] Trout Fever

  [9F03], [9F08], [1F02], [1F15], [AABF15], [BABF19], [EABF21], [GABF07], [JABF06] TV Guide

  • [9F03] Mr. T on Cover
  • [9F08] David Hasselhoff on cover
  • [EABF21] [THOH] We see the Homer/Marge/Bart/Maggie TV Guide covers
  • [GABF07] "Why Alf Hates Victoria Principal"
  • [JABF06] "Barbara Walters at 100"

  [EABF04] Twilight Zone

  [CABF13] Unnecessaries - Inflight Catalog

  [9F21], [2F21], [4F17], [EABF04] [MG on cover] US Magazine

  [7F12], [3F09] US News and World Report (Public Enemy #1 (picture of President Clinton)),

  [3F05] Utne Reader

  [2F17], [3F15], [FABF01] Variety

  • [2F17] Milhouse Meltdown: Ankles Pic Flick Sick (photo of Milhouse)
  • [3F15] McClure Ankles Obscurity (wedding photo of Troy and Selma)
  • [FABF01] "Simpson A Smash", "Grammys, Emmys to Merge"

  [HABF02] Vogue

  [BABF05] Wasted Days

  [HABF18] Weekly

  [5F02] Wildlife

  [AABF20] Wired Magazine "Cybershorts: Virtually Wedgieproof"

  [5F22] Working Mother

  [FABF06] Yorker [with England's view of the world on the cover]

Comics

• [2F17] There are 814 issues of Radioactive Man
• [9F21] Action Comics #1
• [2F12] Action Comics #1 (Krusty burns it to light a cigarette)
• [LABF13] Amazing Fantasy #15 12 cents (first Spiderman comic)
• [JABF17] Aquaman: Death of Aquaman by CC Comics
• [JABF06] Aquaman and Superman by D.C. Comics
• [2F02] Archie Comics
• [MG36] BAD Comics
• [2F17] Batboy
• [2F17] Batchick
• [EABF21] Batman and Rhoda
• [CABF08] Biclops "That's For Making Me Cry!" [Biclops punches a football player]
• [2F17] Birdguy
• [CABF08] Bloodzilla
• [CABF08] Bongo
• [LABF13] Captain America #260 35 cents
• [2F17] Captain Space
• [JABF17] Casper: Death of Caspar by Harry Comics
• [2F17] Cat Girl
• [3F31] Damnation #27 "Depart From Me, Ye Cursed" Matt Groening
• [FABF23] Daunting Deeds: Along Against the Dodo King
• [CABF08] The Death of Sad Sack
• [2F17] DogKid
• [GABF09] Dr. Shapiro vs. Plaque-Ula
• [FABF15] Easy to Believe Tales [Jesus pictured with children]
• [EABF21] Evel Knievel Jumps the Jackson 5
• [LABF13] Everyman No. 11 April
• [LABF13] Everyman No. 100 April
• [LABF13] Everyman No. 109 Jan "The Origin of... "
• [LABF13] Everyman No. 121 Dec "The Fattest Man Alive"
• [LABF13] Everyman No. 205 Nov. "A Legend is Born"
• [LABF13] Everyman No. 289 May "Dog Gone"
• [LABF13] Fallout Boy
• [2F17] The Fantastic Frog
• [LABF13] Flash (poster of comic on wall)
• [FABF15] The Green Listener
• [FABF12] I Do Comics "Oh no, sob! I married the high school principal!"
• [2F17] Iguana Girl
• [LABF13] The Invincible Iron Man #1 Big Premiere Issue May
• [3F31] Johnny Reb Comics - Matt Groening
• [2F17] Lava Lady
• [HABF13] Lil' Jesus 10 cents No. 146
    (Lulu type character standing on bathtub water "But Mom, I'm trying to take a bath")
• [GABF09] Lives of the Saints Comics "I Forgive Thee - Now Die!"
• [2F17] Manboy [$5]
• [2F17] Mister Amazing
• [2F17] Mr. Hop
• [2F17] Mr. Smarty-pants!
• [2F17] Nick [with hole in chest]
• [HABF13] Old Testament 25 cents Oct 06
• [HABF13] Pious 25 cents May 28
• [LABF13] Plastic Man - DC May No. 23 10 cents "Feather for the Führer"
• [2F17] Power Person
• [2F17] Professor ...
• [2F17] Radiation Dude
• [7G02] Radioactive Man
• [9F16] Radioactive Man
• [2F08] Radioactive Man
• [2F17] Radioactive Man
• [FABF21] Radioactive Man
• [GABF05] Radioactive Man
• [JABF15] Radioactive Man
• [7F21] Radioactive Man #1
• [1F06] Radioactive Man #8
• [CABF08] Radioactive Man #1000
• [KABF13] Radioactive Man vs. Muhammed Ali
• [KABF13] Radioactive Man meets The Kansas City Royals
• [KABF13] Radioactive Man vs. Restless Leg Syndrome
• [FABF15] Richie Rich The Poor Little Rich Boy Incorporates in Delaware
• [JABF17] Robin: (Bart: Caveman Robin)
• [JABF17] Robin: (Bart: Black Robin)
• [JABF17] Robin: "Holy Trinity, Batman!" (Bart: Born again Robin)
• [LABF01] Scientific Canadian (Part of new HD Show Opening)
  
• [2F17] Snake Kid
• [2F17] Star Dog
• [FABF15] Supergirl vs. the Glass Ceiling [Supergirl shown in boardroom]
• [JABF17] Superman: Death of Superman by CC Comics
• [EABF21] Superman vs. Patty Hearst
• [JABF17] Superman: World's Finest Comics (Superman with sign "Gotham or Bust")
• [2F17] The Human Bee
• [2F17] Tree Man
• [3F31] True Murder Mysteries "Nooo!" Matt Groening
• [CABF08] Vampire Dinosaur
• [JABF17] Wolverine (Bart: Infamous Wolverine comics with pop-out claws)
    Note: back of comic has Atari video game console advertisement
• [2F17] Wonder Lady
• [LABF13] Wonder Woman "She's Back!"
• [MG36] WORSE Comics
• [EABF21], [JABF15] Zebra Girl
• [JABF15] Zillionaire
• [EABF21], [JABF15] Zoidzilla

Pamphlets & Brochures

• [7F11] So You're Going to Die
• [7F12] Springfield Nuclear Power Plant brochure
• [7F13] So You've Decided to Steal Cable
• [7F17] Discount Lion Safari brochure
• [7F20] It's Not Cool to Fry in Hell
• [7F20] Bible Babblers
• [8F10] So You've Ruined Your Life
• [9F11] Duff Gardens brochure
• [9F14] Is Your Spouse A Souse? (Drunk man holding a martini on cover)
• [2F13] Guide to Australia
• [3F05] Am I Disabled?
• [AABF08] Performance Tires
• [AABF16] "Yes on 217" Indian casinos
• [AABF20] Mega-Savings Vacations
• [AABF20] Air Japan's Safety Instructions
• [DABF05] So Your Life is Ruined [Smiley face with mouth wired shut]
• [DABF16] Screamapillar Care Tips
• [DABF16] Earn Big $$$ In TV Repair
• [EABF15] Springfield Aquarium
• [FABF08] What Would Jesus View? By Michael Medved
• [FABF17] Death Prick: A parent's guide to shots gone wrong
• [GABF01] Tavern and Restaurant Owners Convention
• [GABF09] Plop 'til You Drop (promoting having babies)
• [GABF18] Prof. Pigskin's Pro Ball Prognosticator
• [HABF04] Upward Bound: The toughest behavorial modification camp in Northwest Oregon
• [HABF11] Recruiting brochure for The Bounty: The British Navy: Lessy Scurvy, More Curvy (shows seafarer with two busy lasses at his sides)
• [JABF03] You Will Die In Sin
• [JABF12] Your Weird New Pet (snake on cover)
• [JABF13] Fire Safety
• [KABF02] Your Memory Bubble and You

Video Messages and Instructional Videos

• [9F05] The Half-Assed Approach to Foundation Repair
  Hello, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from me from such instructional videos as Mothballing Your Battleship and Dig Your Own Grave and Save.
  Now, over the next six hours, I'll be taking you through the do's and do-not-do's of foundation repair. Ready? First, patch the cracks in the slab using a latex patching compound and a patching trowel. Now, do you have extruded polyvinyl foam insulation? Assemble the aluminum J-channel using self-furring screws. Install. After applying brushable coating to the panels you'll need some corrosion-resistant metal stucco lath. If you can't find metal stucco lath use carbon-fibre stucco lath. Now parge the lath.
• [9F10] Aunt Hortense Video Will
  I would like to start by reading a passage from Robert Frost. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and ...(Homer fast forwards)... and that has made all the difference." Now, let's get down to business. (Hutz, taped over: To my executor, Lionel Hutz I leave $50,000.) To Marge, I leave my collection of potato chips that resemble celebrities. They're all here: Otto von Bismarck, Maurice Chevalier, right up to Jay Leno. These chips were my children, Marjorie. Take special care of them. To my sister Jackie, I leave my pet iguana, Jub Jub. To my dear childless nieces, Patty and Selma I leave my grandfather clock and these words: Don't die lonely like me. Raise a family and do it now. Now! Now! Now!
• [9F14] Dangers of Driving Drunk
  Troy McClure: What a terrible waste. Hi! I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such driver's ed films as Alice's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass and The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot. For the next 60 minutes, we'll be seeing actual film of car-crash victims. (later) Here's an appealing fellow. In fact they're a-peeling him off the sidewalk.
• [2F33] (title not shown) Fuzzy Bunny and Fluffy Bunny
• [3F03] Meat And You: Partners in Freedom
  The Meat Council Presents: "Meat And You: Partners in Freedom" Number 3F03 in the "Resistance is Useless" Series Hi I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as Two - Three Equals Negative Fun! and Firecrackers: The Silent Killer.
• [3F07] Shoplifters Beware
  Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such public service videos as Designated Driver - The Lifesaving Nerds and Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readines. I'm here today to give you the skinny on shoplifting. Thereby completing my plea bargain with the good people of Foot Locker of Beverly Hills. Shoplifting began here in ancient Phoenecia. Thieves would literally lift the corner of a shop in order to snatch the sweet, sweet olives within. O Shakazaramesh will you ever learn. Flash forward to ancient Babylonia ...
• [GABF05] Get Out of My Dreams and Also Out of My Car: A Guide to Your Restraining Order (within which they play "So You've Got a Restraining Order")
• [GABF06] Robert Wagner on Menopause
• [HABF14] So You're Calling God a Liar: An Unbiased Comparison of Evolution and Creationism
• [JABF15] U.S. Dental Association: Menace Tooth Society (saved by Luda-Crest)
• [LABF15] The Answer
  Dejected woman: My life was over. My job, my husband left me, I had to sleep in a kangaroo's pouch. And then I found... The Answer. The Answer was discovered by the philosophers of ancient Greece. Who hid it under a rock.. where it was discovered by the Knights of King Arthur. Who placed it in a bottle and sent it in the ocean.. where it was found by Pat Sajak. These great men.. knew the answer. (St. Peter, Charlemagne, Jack the Ripper, Colonel Sanders, Barry Bonds, The Guy Who Married Brooke Shields, Santa Claus, You? The Answer is the secret to achieving your hearts desire. Learn The Answer, and change your life. Announcer: Available wherever dubious quasi-scientific self-help books are sold.

Books

Listed in title order, or in the absence of a title, by author.

• [1F06] 10 Do's and 100 Don'ts of Knife Safety
• [HABF19] 1876 by Gore Vidal
• [GABF14] 1989 The Year of the Armageddon
• [FABF05] "A" is for Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix
• [EABF02] Advanced Algebra
• [1F07] Advanced Calculus
• [2F10] Advanced Marketing
• [LABF11] The Adventures of Tin Tin: The Crab with The Golden Claws
• [EABF17] Alice in Wonderland
• [KABF13] Almanac
• [DABF07] America's 2nd Best Short Stories
• [7F04] American Literature
• [BABF17] Animation for Dummies
• [LABF11] Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
• [KABF08] Angelica Button and the Teacup of Terror
• [KABF08] Angelica Button and the Deadly Denoucment
• [LABF15] The Answer
    "Available wherever dubious quasi-scientific self-help books are sold."
• [GABF14] Any Day Newt
• [3F01] Aramaic Septuagint
• [9F04] Arcana
• [5F23] Arithmetic the Leader's Way
• [GABF14] Armageddon
• [LABF14] Arsenio!
• [7F23] The Art of War by Sun Tzu
• [7G02] Astrophysics
• [3F20] Backdoors to Citizenship
• [7G02] Babylonian Myths
• [9F04] Baby's First Popup Book
• [4F13] Babysitter Twins #20, The President's Baby is Missing
• [4F13] Babysitter Twins #??, The Formula Formula
• [7G02] Balzac
• [1F07] Basic Margeting
• [3F15] Bean-Bag Furniture Repair
• [EABF19] The Bear Went Over the Mountain [picture of bear holding a pocketbook]
• [1F18] Beard Book, by Sebastian Cabot
• [7F09] Bedtime Stories [within an I&S cartoon!]
• [2F10] Beginning Marketing
• [LABF01] The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
• [EABF19] The Berenstain Bears
• [JABF14] Be Your Own Dentist
• [7G07], [7G08], [7F08], [7F11], [7F13], [7F20], [7F23], [7F24], [8F05], [8F12], [8F16], [8F21], [9F01], [9F03], [9F04], [9F08], [9F21], [9F22], [1F01], [1F03], [1F14], [1F17], [1F20], [1F22], [2F01], [2F02], [2F03], [2F04], [2F12], [2F14], [2F31], [3F01], [3F02], [3F09], [3F13], [4F02], [4F06], [4F07], [4F11], [4F17], [5F02], [5F09], [5F11], [AABF06], [AABF14], [AABF20], [BABF05], [BABF06], [BABF10], [CABF02], [CABF03], [CABF15], [DABF02], [DABF11], [DABF13], [DABF16], [EABF06], [EABF08], [EABF09], [EABF15], [FABF02], [GABF02], [GABF14], [GABF15], [HABF04], [HABF14], [HABF16], [MOVIE1], [JABF21] The Bible
• [GABF02] The Bible for Wise-Asses
• [9F15] Big Book of British Smiles
• [8F05] The Big Book of Chosen People
• [HABF19] The Bonfire of the Vanities
• [9F04] Book of Magick and Spells Vol. II [Time Life]
• [2F07] Bordello Repair Vol. I
• [2F07] Bork on Sex
• [9F04] Bottom 12 Math Words
• [GABF20] Brain Teasers
• [2F33], [KABF04] The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller
• [HABF19] Burr by Gore Vidal
• [7G02] Byron
• [HABF12] Calculus
• [7G02] Candide
• [8F17] Canine Surgery
• [EABF01] Cat in the Hat [implied]
• [KABF06] Catholic School Punishment Guidelines
• [GABF10] The Cereal Is The Prize - And Other Management Secrets I Learned at Breakfast
• [KABF11] Charlotte's Web
• [GABF14] Chicken Soup for the Damned Soul
• [LABF08] Chicks With Cliques
• [5F21] A Child's Garden of Edison
• [CABF03] A Child's Garden of Cons by Grampa Simpson [aka Grifty McGrift]
• [3F01] Childrens Bible
• [BABF17] Christianity for Dummies
• [HABF22] Cincinnati Time Waste: Rules and Regulations
• [GABF02] Citizen Kane
• [DABF16] Classic Children's Stories
• [DABF08] Classics for Children
• [FABF19] Cloudy Day Diversions (What Marge uses for Bart's party)
• [BABF08] Clue in the Clock by Nancy Drew;
  Nancy Drew let out a low whistle. This isn't an old windmill at all. It's a new windmill.
• [HABF05] Common-Slob to Brahmin Snob: A Guide to Etiquette (Spine; cover reads Genteel Ben's Guide to Etiquette)
• [1F09] The Complete Handyman Bookshelf
  • Vol I Spice Racks
  • Vol II Knick Knack Shelves
  • Vol III Trojan Horses
• [1F09] Coping with Loss
• [FABF08], [HABF19] The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen
• [BABF17] Cow Tipping for Dummies
• [JABF05] Count of Mount Cristo
• [7G02] Crime & Punishment
• [3G02] Curious George and the Ebola Virus
• [HABF19] The Da Vinci Code
• [JABF09] Dali
• [BABF22] Death Be Not Proud
• [JABF09] Degas
• [7G02] Design of Computers
• [8F04] Dictionary
  • [8F04] Homer imagines looking up stupid in dictionary he finds himself listed
  • [1F20] Webster's Dictionary; Homer: Now, what is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary describes a wedding as, "The process of removing weeds from one's garden."
  • [2F10] Homer looking up marketing in The New American Dictionary (to improve bowling alley business!)
  • [2F15] Hugh (Lisa's imagined future husband) says he'll get the dictionary thinking Lisa wouldn't know the word stochastic
  • [2F18] Marge says she's going to write the dictionary people to remove the word bitch
  • [DABF14] Homer takes out a dictionary to look up the word eunuch
  • [EABF18] Hippie-English Dictionary
  • [HABF07] Flanders-English English-Flanders Dictionary
  • [HABF07] Simpsons-English English-Simpsons Dictionary
• [EABF02] Doughboys
• [HABF20] Drink Your Own Blood and Save - Oprah Recommends: "Buy Three Copies"
• [4F15] The Drunken Irish Novelists of Springfield [a parade book float]
• [DABF04] Dying for Dummies
• [1F07] Early American History
• [LABF16] Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
• [2F15] Ecosystem of the Marsh by Thompson
• [9F14] English
• [LABF15] Farmland
• [8F07] Fatherhood by Bill Cosby
• [9F04] Find Waldo Yet Again
• [KABF07] The Firm by John Grisham
• [HABF07] Flanders-English English-Flanders Dictionary
• [7F04] Forgotten Lore Vol. II
• [2F19] Forty Years of Playboy by Hugh Hefner
• [LABF09] The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
  Lisa: Isn't that the Bible of right wing losers?
• [8F18] The Fountainhead Diet
• [5F04] Fried Green Tomatoes [Manjula's favorite book, movie and food]
• [JABF17] From Hell by Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell (Alan Moore guest starred on this episode!)
• [7F18] Gee, Your Pecs Look Terrific
• [JABF04] Geaneology [sic] Research
• [HABF05] Genteel Ben's Guide to Etiquette (Spine: Common-Slob to Brahmin Snob: A Guide to Etiquette)
• [1F07] Geography
• [JABF17] Ghost World by Daniel Clowes (who guest starred on this episode!)
• [LABF10], [LABF13] Go, Dog, Go! by P. D. Eastman
• [EABF19] Goldilocks and the Three Bears
• [HABF20] Good Grief, More Peanuts by Charles M. Schultz
• [3F01] Good News Bible
• [LABF15] Good Night, Gorilla
• [BABF17] Goodnight Moon
• [DABF15] Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon
• [5F21] Greatest Living Inventor, Thomas Edison
• [5F03] Greatest Sports Injuries
• [BABF21] Grimm's Fairy Tales
• [9F05] Guide to Infantile Distress, by Dr. Washburn's Asbestos Pills
• [BABF05] Guinness Book of World Records
• [DABF08], [LABF09] Hamlet by William Shakespeare
• [2F32] Happiness is a Naked Steve Allen
• [KABF08] The Hardy Boys: The Mystery of the Odd-Shaped Rock
• [FABF05] The Harpooned Heart by Marge Simpson
• [FABF05] The Harpooned Heart II: The Thunder Down Under by Marge Simpson [not published]
• [KABF09] Harry Potter
• [LABF09] Henry IV Part One by William Shakespeare
• [LABF09] Henry IV Part Two by William Shakespeare
• [LABF09] Henry V by William Shakespeare
• [BABF17] Henry Potter
• [3F01] Hebrew National Bible
• [FABF05] Hickory, Dickery, Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix
• [EABF18] Hippie-English Dictionary
• [8F24] History
• [JABF14] Box of 1950s History Books (Too Racist) in Springfield Elementary School ventilation ducts
• [JABF14] Box of 1990s History Books (Not Racist Enough) in Springfield Elementary School ventilation ducts
• [CABF14] Homer, I hardly knew me by Homer Simpson
• [2F19], [BABF22] Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss [Theodor Geisel Seuss]
• [8F07] How To (fourteen volumes on shelf in Homer's garage)
• [7F04] How to Cook for Forty Humans
• [9F16] How to Get Rich Writing Cartoons by John Swartzwelder
• [DABF10] How to Loot Brazil
• [2F32] How to Make Love to Steve Allen by Steve Allen
• [2F07] How to Seduce Your Lousy, Lazy Husband
• [FABF14] How to Talk to a Drunk Father
• [5F12] How to Tunnel out of Prison
• [CABF06] Huckleberry Finn
• [4F07], [HABF20] The How, Why, and Huh? Book of Weather
• [FABF05] To Hug a Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix
• [GABF19] Hymnal
• [1F11] I Didn't Do it: the Bart Simpson Story
• [FABF05], [HABF20] I, Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix
• [EABF14] I, Suds
• [7G02] Iliad by Homer
• [7G02] Dante's Inferno
• [5F11] Internet for Dummies
• [9F15] It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Blurst of Times
• [9F03] Itchy & Scratchy: the Movie The Novel
• [DABF12] Jack and Jill
• [8F05] Jewishness Revisited
• [9F18], [CABF06] Johnny Tremain [in 9F18 Bart also suggests Johnny Deformed]
• [3F24] Jonathan Livingston Seagull
• [2F32] Journey to the Center of Steve Allen by Steve Allen ("of" missing from cover)
• [BABF17] The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan
• [2F03] [THOH V] The Joy of Cooking Milhouse
• [2F32] The Joy of Cooking Steve Allen by Steve Allen
• [KABF06] The Joy of Sax
• [2F07], [AABF11] Kama Sutra
• [HABF20] The Kansas City Royals Forever Champions
• [FABF05], [LABF01] To Kill a Mockingbird
• [LABF09] King Lear by William Shakespeare
• [FABF05] To Kiss A Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix
• [JABF16] Today
• [JABF09] Kiss the Girls by James Patterson
• [2F07] Kosher Erotic Cakes
• [GABF16] The Land of the Wild Beasts by Milton Burkhart
• [EABF06] The Law
• [EABF14] Law
• [EABF13] Let's Go Home
• [KABF05] Let's Not Go London
• [HABF22] Life Beyond Wife by Professor Stein
• [HABF14] Life in these 38 States
• [7G02] Life of Leonardo
• [7F22] Like Hell I Can't
• [LABF06] Little Women
• [GABF08] Loony Laws, Silly Statutes and Wacky War Crimes
• [FABF13] Lose Your Accent in Thirty Years
• [JABF17] Lost Girls by Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbie (Alan Moore guest starred on this episode!)
• [8F17] The Lottery by Shirley ?
• [1F17] Love in the Time of Scurvy
• [DABF20] Love in the Time of Coloring Books
• [LABF09] Macbeth by William Shakespeare
• [2F07] Mapplethorpe
• [JABF06] Man and Superman by G. B. Shaw
• [HABF16] Married Alive! A Wife-Saving Guide
• [9F12] MASH Coloring Book
• [GABF17] Master of the Senate by Robert A. Cairo
• [8F24], [9F14], [1F07], [3F14], [GABF09], [JABF12], [KABF06] Math
• [GABF05] Math Safari
• [JABF17] Maus by Art Spiegelman (who guest starred on this episode!)
• [9F10] MCAT The Monorail Conductors Aptitude Test
• [EABF10] Megatronics: The 48 Tips to Corporate Success by Stark Richdale
• [JABF05] Mein Kampf
• [2F07] Michener "Today's Special: Michener $1.99/Lb."
• [JABF09] Miro
• [2F07] [Audio] Mr. and Mrs. Erotic American by Paul Harvey
• [7G02], [7F03] Moby Dick
• [BABF17] Moby Dick for Dummies
• [FABF07] The Mounds Builders
• [FABF05] Murder M... Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix
• [JABF11] The Murderer Did It: A Lenny Leonard Mystery
• [CABF09] My Core Beliefs by Mike Farrell
• [FABF05] My Side of the Mountain
• [DABF19] My Troubled Mind By Moe Szyslak
• [1F14] My Friend Flicka
• [7G02] Nana by Emily Zola
• [JABF04] Nagging Your Way To Ecstasy
• [DABF01] Necronomicon
• [BABF17] Network Programming for Dummies
• [3F11] The New Our Caddies, Ourselves  A Book By and For Golfers
• [KABF07] Normal Childhood Behavior
• [7G02] Oddessy [sic] by Homer
• [7F03] The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
• [FABF05] Olympic Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix
• [2F02] Only Turkeys Have Left Wings
• [HABF14] The Origin of Species
• [LABF09] Othello by William Shakespeare
• [GABF16] Overcome Childhood Fears: A Ten-Week Program
• [1F05] Owning Your Okayness
• [7G02] Quantum Mechanics
• [7G02] Paradise Lost
• [LABF06] pat the bunny
• [KABF04] A People's History of the United States 1492 - Present by Howard Zinn
• [JABF07] Pat Summerall's Smut Yuks
• [GABF22] Peterson Field Guides: Birds
• [3F22] Pippi in the South Seas
• [7F04] The Pit and the Pendulum
• [7G02] Plato
• [EABF16] The Pre-Teen Braves Handbook: Foreword by Larry Storch
• [3F01] Psalms
• [KABF06] Public School Punishment Guidelines
• [7F04] The Purloined Letter
• [7G02] Pushkin
• [GABF14] Rapture for Dummies
• [2F07] Rational Thinking. Reasonable Future by Al Gore
• [FABF12] Recipes to Think About in Bed [We also appear to see the back of this book in the closing]
• [DABF02] Religionhood by Paul Reiser
• [FABF05] Return to Scoundrel Island by Esme Delacroix
• [LABF09] Richard III by William Shakespeare
• [DABF03] Rick James' Bible
• [HABF19] The Right Stuff
• [FABF06] Ron Santo: A Life At Third Base
• [3F01] Samaritan Pentateuch
• [2F07] Sane Planning, Sensible Tomorrow by Al Gore
• [2F19] The Satanic Verses by Salmon Rushdie
• [1F07] Science
• [5F23] Science for Leader Lovers
• [FABF05] Scoundrel Comes Calling by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] Scoundrel Goes West by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] A Scoundrel in Araby by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] Scoundrel in Scarlet by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] Scoundrel is Rich by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] Scoundrel Redo by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] Scoundrel Redux by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] El Scoundrelo by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] Scoundrel vs. Hitler by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] Senator Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix
• [FABF05] The Secret of the Soundrel Cove by Esme Delacroix
• [2F09] Secret World History (Stonecutters publication)
• [3F31] Sex, by Krusty the Clown
• [2F19] Sexus by Henry Miller
• [7G02] Shakespeare I-XV
• [EABF06] The Shore Birds of Maryland
• [8F05] Shulhan Aruch
• [LABF01] Simply Unevictable: A Tenant's Guide
• [HABF07] Simpsons-English English-Simpsons Dictionary
• [JABF17] The Simpsons pop-up book (couch gag, repeated for episode [KABF11]
• [HABF20] Smiles of Ireland
• [5F21] Smugglers of Pirate's Cove [Hardy Boys]
• [BABF17] Someone's in the Kitchen With Jesus by Rev. Tim Lovejoy
• [3F01] Samaritan Pentateuch
• [KABF07] Sell Your Junk on eBay
• [3F01] Song of Solomon
• [JABF04] Springfield Family Heritage
• [9F16] Springfield High School 1974 Yearbook
• [2F13] Springfield Telephone Directory
• [EABF11] Star Searcher by Ed McMahon
• [2F19], [3F06] Steal This Book by Abbie Hoffman
• [2F09] Stone Cutters Secret World History
• [HABF04] Stuart Little
• [HABF19] Superhounds: The ultimate greyhound betting system
• [LABF15] Tall Ships
• [8F05] Talmud
• [2F07] Tanks of the Third Reich
• [7F08] Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu
• [LABF10] Teacher's Manual
• [LABF15] Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin
• [2F19] Tek War by William Shatner
• [LABF09] The Tempest by William Shakespeare
• [2F20] Ten Trite Tales by Agatha Christie
• [7F04] The Tell Tale Heart
• [FABF11] The Ten Habits of Highly Successful Criminals by Snake
• [2F19] Theory of Evolution by Charles Darwin
• [FABF19] Thesaurus
• [FABF21] They Promised Me Ponies by Lisa Simpson (Lisa's unfinished novel)
• [FABF19] Thin By Third Grade
• [5F21] Thomas Edison Pop-up Book
• [3F01] The Thump Resistant Bible
• [HABF20] The Time Life Carpenter's Library
  • Vol. 1  The Basics
  • Vol. 2  Working with Wood
  • Vol. 3  Cabinets and Cupboards
  • Vol. 4  Tables and Chairs
  • Vol. 5  Decking and Roofing
  • Vol. 6  Finish Carpentry
  • Vol. 7  Floorboards and Nightstands
  • Vol. 8  More Projects
• [LABF09] Titus Andronicus by William Shakespeare
• [3F01] Todays Family Gnostic Bible
• [3F22] Tome: A Novel By Gore Vidal
• [JABF04] Tracing Family History
• [7F03] Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
• [DABF19] Treehouse of Horror XIII [used in opening!]
• [EABF02] Trenches
• [BABF22] Trinity by Leon Uris
• [9F18] The Truth About Whacking Day by Bob Woodward
• [GABF14] tuesdays with Morrie In Hell
• [FABF10] The Two Noble Kinsmen by William Shakespeare
• [2F07] Ueberroth (biography of Peter Uebberoth)
• [LABF11] Ulysses by James Joyce
• [2F07] Unidentified Flying Outrage!
• [KABF13] U.S. Coins  Homer: This is the first book I ever finished reading or pushing things into.
• 7F22] Unsinkable Sadruddin Mabaradad
• [DABF03] Up Center [Tom Clancy's Up Center] [best book Moe has ever seen]
• [7F22] Up from the Muck
• [1F12] Valley of the Dolls
• [HABF20] Veterans' Day Parades
• [8F05] Views on Jews
• [KABF14] Visit Peru
• [3F01] The Vulgate of St. Jerome
• [EABF21] Watch Repair
• [1F20] Webster's Dictionary
  Homer: Now, what is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary describes a wedding as, "The process of removing weeds from one's garden."
• [2F07] Weight Loss Through Laborious Sex
• [FABF15] When Bad Things Happen to Cute Children by a rabbi that surfs
• [FABF08] When Daddy Does Hard Time
• [BABF19] Where Are My Residuals? by Lisa Simpson
• [FABF05] Whither My Scoundrel? by Esme Delacroix
• [JABF04] The Vulgate of St. Jerome
• [GABF09] Who Made That Barrel? You Did! (about Coopers)
• [FABF05] Who Really Killed J.F.K. by Homer and Marge Simpson
• [DABF10] Who wants to be a Brazilionaire?
• [5F22] Who's Who among American Elementary School Students
• [7F22] Will There Ever be a Rainbow?, by C.M. Burns
• [AABF03] The Wind in the Willows
• [HABF20] Wisconsin From Above
• [GABF08] Woodrow Wilson, Man of Peace
• [EABF19] World's Easiest Crossword Puzzles
• [EABF02] WW I
• [KABF13] Yellow Pages
• [1F04] Yes I am a Vampire, by Monty Burns
• [3F02] Your Gimmicky Restaurant by Bennigan and Fuddrucker
• [BABF17] Your Shoes' Too Big To Kickbox God by Krusty the Klown [Ghostwritten by John Updike]
• [FABF06] Yu-Gi-Oh! Price Guides
• [DABF02] Zagat's Guide to World Religions

Billboards

• [7F05] Royal Majesty; clothing for the Obese or Gangly Gentlemen
• [7F05] Moe's Tavern
• [7F17] Discount Lion Safari, so real you'll think you're in Africa
• [8F02] Get a Mammogram, Man
• [8F19] Flaming Pete's 75 miles
• [8F19] Flaming Pete's 30 miles
• [8F19] Flaming Pete's next exit!
• [9F03] Itchy & Scratchy: the Movie
• [9F03] Springfield Barber College
• [9F14] Duff Beer, You know you want it
• [9F19] Gabbo is Coming
• [1F09] Duff Beer, Can't Get Enough
• [1F14] Welcome to Lake Springfield, No mercury dumping without permit
• [2F12] This year, give her English Muffins
• [2F12] Best in the West BBQ Sauce
• [3F03] Don't eat beef, eat Deer
• [3F11] Ogdenville Outlet Mall, 1000's of irregular salad bowls
• [3F21] Homer Simpson---the Pride of Springfield
• [3G01] DIEt
• [4F11] Laramie Slims
• [4F11] Pure Enjoyment, Laramie Slims
• [4F11] See Real Live Reindeer at Santa's Village
• [5F06] For Sale---> Red Blazer Realty
• [5F06] The Lumber King
• [AABF07] We're Watching You Kids, Cops Never Sleep [mechanized]
• [DABF17] Superintendant [sic] Chalmers Now More Than Ever

Springfield Radio

• Radio Stations
  • [8F05] KBBL AM
    • approx. 1100 kHz
    • Format: News-Talk Radio
    • "K-babble, all talk 24 hours a day"
  • [8F19] KUDD AM 570
    • Format: country
    • "don't touch that knob, you got kudd on it"
  • [8F21] KBBL FM 102.5
    • Format: apparently plays top 40 from the 1950's through the 1980's or 90's
    • [HABF16] Broadcasting Isotopes baseball game
  • [8F14] WKOMA
    • Format: probably new age, easy listening, and adult contemporary
    • "Coma, restful easy listening"
  • [9F04] KZMB
    • Format: mostly Zombie related sounds
    • "All Zombie Radio"
  • KZOG Radio 530
  • [2F32] KJAZZ AM
    • Format: probably most forms of Jazz
    • "152 Americans can't be wrong"
    • 23 ft. broadcast range
  • [3F21] KFSL FM 103
    • Format: Classic Rock- 70's Top 40 & AOR
    • "Fossil 103, classic hits from Abba to Zeppelin"
  • [DABF09] WOMB
    • "...warm and safe radio, takes you back to the golden age of.."
  • [DABF18] Radio Disney
    • "You're listening to Radio Disney, the songs you love, rewritten for babies!"
  • [FABF08] FM 95.3
    • Bart: ..and I'm happy to listen to FM 95.3 Home of Booner and the Ditz
  • [GABF15] National Public Radio
  • [HABF16] KBBL 970 AM
    • Broadcasting Isotopes baseball game
    • Jock Squawk
  • [JABF21] 87.9 - Rock Radio Station Louie of Louis' Towing is listening to
  • [KABF06] National Public Radio
    This is Terry Gross from NPR saying thank you. Now let's get back to our 1987 interview with Senator Alan Cranston.
  • Radio Programs
    • [7G01] Dr. Marvin Monroe Show
    • [7G07] Mamu in the Morning
    • [7F07] "Hooray for Everything" half-time show
    • [7F08] KBBL Proudly Sponsors The Ye Olde First Annual Miniature Golf Tournament
    • [8F05] Gabbin' About God
      And in order to keep our broadcasting license we devote Sunday night dead time to public service shows of limited appeal. In that spirit we bring you Gabbin' About God sponsored by Ace Religious Supply, where they say, ``If we don't got it, it ain't holy.''
    • [9F21] Paul Harvey's the Rest of the Story
    • [2F02] the Birch Barlow Talk Show
    • [2F08] Radio Psychic
    • [2F32] Moleman in the Morning
    • [5F03] Sports Spew! with Roy Firestone
    • [AABF17] Jerry Rude and the Bathroom Bunch
    • [DABF09] Itchy and Scratchy Radio Hour
    • [GABF15] Verbal Tea on National Public Radio
  • KBBL's Bill & Marty
    • an obvious parody of the syndicated "Don and Mike Show"
      • [7F03] "two grown men who can't get enough of each other" [same slogan as Don and Mike];
        Rise and shine Springfield students. It's the Bill and Marty Show. He's Bill... he's Marty Two grown men who can't get enough of each other.
        And it looks like we got some snow formation for all those flake lovers out there. Mm-hmm. Springfield electric, gas and water plants are closed for the day. Oh, now don't forget the nuclear power plan, Bill. That's clooooosed too! Now for all you youngsters, you toddlers. This is what you've been waiting for. Springfield County schools are-- I can't read it I'm too excited... Uh-oh. Springfield County schools will be closed!
      • [8F14] both do crank calls
      • [1F11] both talk about/laugh at celebrities
      • [5F21] both use silly sound effects
    • [7F07] on TV hosting the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade
    • [7F24] Michael Jackson coming to Springfield
      Bill: We've just been handed a bulletin from our Rock 'n' Rumor department.
      Marty: That's right - Michael Jackson the Thriller himself is moonwalking his way right here to our very own Springfield.
      Bill: And while we go check it out why don't you enjoy a seldom-heard extra-long version of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."
      [8F14] "Bill and Marty Classic Crank Call"
    • [8F21] interview Spinal Tap backstage at the Springfield Coliseum
    • [8F21] "in other Spinal Tap news, Mayor Quimby honored the aging super group in a ceremony at City Hall" ".....he's taping into the spines of the young voters"
    • [9F07] Snow Time
      Bill: Take it easy folks! It's "snow" picnic out there.
      Marty: I "snow" what you mean.
      Bill: You're deadweight, Marty.
    • [9F13] Plays Monster Mash on Valentine's Day
      Marty: Doing the Monster Mash with ya on this beautiful Valentine's Day. Bill: Marty, why did you play that song today? There must be thousands of love songs. Marty: Well, its kind of a love song - all the monsters enjoying each other's company, dancing, holding their evil in check. Bill: You played the wrong record, didn't you? Marty: Why are you doing this to me?
    • [9F13] Plays Monster Mash on President's Day
      Bill: Hey, hey! Bill and Marty here wrapping up as beautiful President's Day. Marty: To George and all the rest, here's a special song just for you. (Monster Mash comes on.... again.) Doggone it!
    • [1F11] discussing whatever happened to "that I didn't do it kid"?
    • [1F14] give away 2 tickets to the Pigskin Classic football game to Ned Flanders
    • [1F15] jobs are threatened by the Bart controversy and the Automated DJ
    • [1F15] "KBBL is gonna give me somethin' stupid" contest
    • [5F21] "5 o'clock news flash" www..
    • [AABF12] "That was Men Without Hats, or as they're known today, Men Without Jobs!"
    • [AABF12] live remote from PJ O'Harrigan's Pub
    • [AABF18] live remote from the `How low can you go' contest
    • [BABF20] Broadcasts contest to win Who tickets and picks Homer's old number
    • [CABF22] Marty: That was the Fifth Dimension with Weddings are Nice. Bill: You know what else is nice Marty? Marty: What's that Bill? Bill: The KBBL Prize Posse. If our wampum wagon spots your KBBL Prize Penguin you'll win forty dollars!
    • [DABF17] It's Bill and Marty on the line right now with Springfield's very own Fat Tony. Fat Tony: I wish to announce that my associates and I will gun down Homer Simpson if he has not left home by noon tomorrow. B&M: Wow, that's quite a threat! You have a song request?
    • [FABF18] You're on the morning show with Bill & Marty, What's your morning whine?
    • [HABF17] Broadcasting "War of the Worlds" (it's a flashback to 1938)
    • [KABF18] 4th of July Broadcast
      Bill and Marty here we're in the middle of another 4th of July weekend shock jock talk block. All weekend long we'll be counting down the top 500 wacky sound effects of all time! And here's number 499 where were you when you first heard this: (spring boing) I'll tell you where I was; I was out eating (chinese music) I think I had Kung Pao (cat screech) and I ended up on the (toilet flush).
    • [LABF05] This is Bill and Marty saying Marge go down to the basement!
• Other Radio Shows and References
  • [7G07] Homer listens to a football game
  • [7G07] "......we interrupt Mamu in the Morning.....Jebediah Springfield's statue has been decapitated....."
  • [8F11] Bart pulls pranks with the Celebrity Microphone and various radios
    • prank on Homer: "......people of Earth, this is Bartron......."
    • prank on Flanders' kids: "....Rod, Todd, this is God..."
    • prank on Marge: "....mama....mama...." "sorry lady, show's over"
    • eavesdrops on Lisa and a friend talking about Corey without a shirt
    • prank on Ms. Krabappel: "obscene noise as she sits down"
    • prank on entire town: "help, I fell down the well" "my name is Timmy O'Toole"
  • [8F19] people listening to KUDD play Lurleen Lumpkin song
    • Homer in the Car
    • prisoners, the song soothes the riot to hugging
    • Simpson family in the living room
  • [8F24] The lottery numbers are announced
  • [9F01] Homer listens to his "No Soap Radio" in the shower
    It's 11 KBBL degrees below zero. I hope you're somewhere warm.
  • [9F01] Homer Calls in on the Johnny Calhoun clip contest
    (Sounds like Bill and Marty)
    Bill: That was Johnnie Calhoun with Gonna Find Me a Genie With a Magic Bikini.
    Marty: Of course, Johnny's next record was a spoken word album of his right-wing political views. It kinda killed this career. If you can tell me the name of that album, call our contest line now.
    Homer: I know that!
  • [9F11] On Selma's Ham radio someone says "I have a ham radio"
  • [9F20] Arnie Pie in the Sky "look out at the corner of 4th and Main, I'm gonna be sick"
  • [9F22] Side Show Bob dedicates a son to Bart "I'm coming to kill you slowly and painfully"
  • [2F02] Grampa claims to have owned the first radio in Springfield
  • [2F02] People listening to Birch Barlow Talk Show
    No sports, no rock, no information, for mindless chatter, we're your station! KBBL talk radio and now Springfield's favorite conservative and author of the well selling book "Only Turkeys Have Left Wings" Ladies and Gentlemen, Birch Barlow.
    • gang at Moe's Bar
    • Simpson family listening in most every room of the house
    • Bart listens with headphones at school
    • Homer and Lisa listen on the car radio
    • Homer listening at his work station at the plant
  • [2F02] Bart hears his mortal enemy Dr. Demento
  • [2F07] hillbilly getaway music on the radio causes locals to chase Homer and Grampa
  • [2F09] Arnie Pie in the Sky reports a traffic jam
  • [3F18] Marge in the kitchen is listening to Swing Serenade
  • [3F18] sponsored by Gorman's Ear Guards "Guard your ears!!"
  • [3F05] Arnie Pie in the Sky
    Arnie Pie in the sky with the morning commute. Traffic this morning is as bad as it gets due to a fire at the army testing lab a bunch of escaped infected monkeys are roaming the expressway. Despite the sweltering heat don't unroll your windows 'cause those monkeys seem confused and irritable.
  • [4F16] Marge listens to her new "frying pan radio"
  • [5F15] Groundskeeper Willie tunes in three different stations playing bagpipe music
  • [5F18] radio commercial "Divorce specialist" [a free tote bag]
  • [AABF07] kids of Springfield broadcast secrets of the adults
  • [AABF12] Homer listens to a broadcast from 1939
  • [DABF05] KBBL Radio seen on broadcast tower at Demolition Derby in the Civic Center

Springfield Television

In [FABF07] our favorite family visits the Museum of Television and TV.

• Kent Brockman News
  • [7G09] Bigfoot no longer a myth
  • [7G12] Krusty arrested for robbing a Kwik-E-Mart
  • [7F07] Thanksgiving at the Rescue Mission
    Oh, we have lots of names for these people-- bums, deadbeats, losers, scums of the earth. We'd like to sweep these people into the gutter or, if they're already in the gutter, to some other out-of-the-way place. Oh, we have our reasons-- they're depressing, they wear ragged clothes, they're "crazy," they smell bad-- [someone interrupts with "Hey, listen, man--] Wait, I'm going somewhere with this. So, every year, on one lone, conscious-salving day, we toss these people... a bone. A turkey bone. And that's supposed to make it all better. No, you won't find Freddie the Freeloader or Emmet Kelly or even Charlie Chaplin's beloved Little Tramp down here.
    Kent: How long have you been on the streets?
    Bart: Goin' on five years, Kent.
    Kent: Your family may be watching. Is there anything you'd like to say to them? [caption has "might"]
    Bart: Yes, there is Kent. Ha, ha! I didn't apologize.
  • [8F02] "..and to conclude this Hallowe'en newscast on a scary note: remember, the presidential primaries are only a few months away."
  • [8F04] Meltdown Crisis: the first couple of minutes
  • [8F11] Lincoln Squirrel has been assassinated
  • [8F14] Arnie Pie in the Sky
  • [8F17] Lottery Fever, Kent wins the Lottery
  • [8F24] Krisis at Kamp Krusty
    Kent: Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iran and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse then all of them put together. Kids: Burn, Krusty, burn! Burn, Krusty, burn! Kent: A group of school aged Spartacuses has taken the camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared. What's that? I'm being told I can have an exclusive interview with the ringleader. Homer, thinking: Don't be the boy. Don't be the boy. Homer: D'oh! Bart: I just want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. Can I say crappy on TV? Kent: Yes, on this network, you can.
  • [9F01] Fire at the Simpsons Residence
    Fire, man's oldest foe. Insatiable, remorseless, unquenchable. Coming up next, which work better - springy clothespins or the other kind?
  • [9F02] Amber Dempsey Struck by Lightning
    Scott: Coming up next, a new fad that's sweeping the nation - wasting food. But first, let's join the new Little Miss Springfield, Amber Dempsey as she helps open the Danish super-chain "Shop"
    Kent: Scott, everyone is here from the mayor's illegitimate son to our own Duff blimp. (Barney drives dump blimp into tower and it explodes) Oh the humanity! Anyway, to turn on the stores "severe tire damage" spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield. (a storm arises and lightning strikes her scepter) Kent: Ladies and gentleman, Little Miss Springfield has been struck by lightning.
  • [9F02] Lisa removed as Little Miss Springfield Lisa Simpson is no longer Little Miss Springfield. She was striped of her crown in a ceremony earlier today. (They show a goat drinking from a bottle) Well, that's obviously the wrong footage. Uh, but it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under "Do not write in this space" he wrote, Okay.
  • [9F02] "...and now my exclusive interview with his holiness, Pope John Paul II" [switches to clip of a goat being fed]
  • [9F05] Leaning Casa de Simpson report on Simpsons' house foundation problems ...leaving the Vice President in charge. (We see a picture of the white house) And now, Leaning Tower of Pisa, eat your heart out and move over. This is one story that is not on the level!
  • [9F07] Widow's Peak snow storm, Arnie Pie in the sky goes down
  • [9F07] Plow King trapped in a sudden avalanche Springfield's beloved Plow King ..is trapped! Barney Gumble, shown here donating $50,000 to the Shelbyville Dance Theatre was caught in a sudden avalanche on Widow's Peak earlier today. It was captured on film by a camera crew making the upcoming Fox special In Search of Bigfoot. Cameraman: Hold it Bob, we can see your wristwatch. Bigfoot: Oh, damn it. Cameraman: Hey, what's that?
  • [9F10] Monorail conductor Announced
    After an exhaustive search Springfield has found its monorail conductor. Homer Simpson. (they show "file photo" of Homer with 50 cigarettes in his mouth)
  • [9F10] Monorail Inaugural Ride
    Ladies and Gentlemen nothing brings out the stars like the maiden voyage of a monorail. Everyone's here, from recently outed leading man Dash Calhoun to Krusty the Clown. Here's one of those lovable high-schoolers from TV's Springfield Heights, 90210. He's cool, he's sexy, he's 34 years old. Let's hear it for Kyle Darren! And here's country singing sensation Lurleen Lumpkin fresh from her latest stay at the Betty Ford Clinic! What ya been up to, Lurleen? Lurleen: I spent last night in a ditch. Kent: How about that, folks!
  • [9F12] Fistfight at Marine World
    This just in. A fistfight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Early reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh. A bunch of drunken frat boys. All right. I could use some names. I.P. Freely.
  • [9F18] Matlock
  • [9F19] Gabbo Gaffe, "that oughta hold those s.o.b.'s"
  • [9F20] Osaka Flue Hits Springfield
    Kent: The dreaded Osaka flu has now hit Springfield with over 300 cases now reported. Now over to Arnie Pie with Arnie in the sky!
    Arnie: Route 401 is going around, and around, and around, and around, and around and look out at the corner of 12th and Main because I'm going to be sick.
  • [1F01] Searching for Bobo, Burns' teddy bear
  • [1F03] Special Bulletin: high speed chase in the badlands in progress; culprits are Ruth Powers and Marge Simpsons
  • [1F04] Mr. Burns' closed a deal to buy the Springfield Blood Bank
  • [1F05] the Do What You Feel Festival
  • [1F08] unemployment report: not just for philosophy majors anymore
  • [1F09] Crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside
  • [1F12] Malibu Stacey doll
  • [1F19] Quimby's nephew in court, Waitergate
  • [2F02] Mayoral Election
    And the results are in for Sideshow Bob 100%, for Joe Quimby 1% and we remind you there is a 1% margin of error.
  • [2F05] Slow News Day
    Announcer: It's Channel 6 Action News
    Kent: Hello, I'm Kent Brockman. Our top stories tonight a tremendous explosion ...in the price of lumber, President Reagan dyes....his hair says Gary Trudeau in his new musical comedy review but first check the death count from the killer storm bearing down on us like a shotgun full of snow.
    Weatherman: Well Kent as of now the death count is zero. but it is ready to shoot right up.
    Kent: Oh my God! Damn you snow!
    Weatherman: Kent I'd like to remind everybody to come down and watch me at the Springfield Laugh and Brew and Burgers and Fries. The forecast calls for a 75% chance of hilarity!
  • [2F06] Live round the clock coverage of the Simpson home
    This is hour 57 of our live round the clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember by the way to turn in tonight at 8 o'clock for highlights of todays vigil, including when the garbageman came and when Marge Simpson put the cat out... possibly because it was harassed, we don't know. Of course, there's no way to see into the Simpson home without some kind of infrared heat sensitive camera. So let's turn it on. Now this technology is new to be but I'm pretty sure that's Homer Simpson in the oven (its obviously a turkey) rotating slowly. His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees, he's literally stewing in his own juices. Now, here are some results from our phone-in poll, 95% of the people believe Homer Simpsons is guilty. Now of course, this is just a television poll which is not legally binding unless proposition 304 passes, and we all pray it will.
  • [2F11] Rocket destroys bridge out of town, House fails to pass the evacuate Springfield/pervert Bill
    Kent: And like Icarus, the rocket foolishly soared to high and lost control of its servo-guidance mechanism leaves us with some six hours to live. So let's go live now to the charred remains of the only bridge out of town with Arnie Pie and Arnie in the Sky.
    Arnie: With the bridge gone and the airport, unfortunately, on the other side of the bridge a number of citizens are unfortunately attempting to jump the gorge with their cars. It's a silent testament to the never-give-up and never-think-things-out spirit of our citizens.
    Kent: With our utter annihilation imminent, our federal government has snapped into action> We go live now via satellite to the floor of the United State Congress.
    HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
    Speaker of the House: Then it is unanimous. We are going to approve the bill to evacuate the citizens of Springfield in the great state of (interrupted, of course)
    Congressman: I want to tack on a rider to that bill. Thirty million dollars of taxpayer money to support the perverted arts. Speaker of the House: All in favor of the amended Springfield/pervert bill? (boos) Bill defeated. Kent: I've said it before and I'll say it again; Democracy simply doesn't work. Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another he just cannot report. It doesn't seem to matter now. So the following people are gay...
  • [2F16] Mr. Burns has been shot
  • [2F17] "..with wealthy Hollywood people on their way, local merchants can be forgiven for raising their prices a little.."
  • [2F18] 2 ton Rhino recaptured, 3 ton Rhino attacks the crowd in the background
  • [2F18] Interviews of Smithers, accused of murdering Mr. Burns
    Dave: Dave Shutton? Springfield Shopper, Who are you, where are you going? Kent: Do your research Shutton. Kent Brockman, Channel 6 news. How does it feel to be accused of the attempted murder of your boss and mentor?
    Smithers: Kent I, I feel about as low as Madonna when she found out she missed Tailhook.
    Kent: I'm gonna say 'Ouch!' for Madonna.
  • [2F32] Krusty news conference, Krusty metal-o and amusement park ARE safe
    Kent: This just in! Krusty the Clown staged a press conference today to defend himself against charges that his products are unsafe, his theme park is a deathtrap and he marketing videos of Tanya Harding's wedding night.
    Krusty: ..and I contend that those tourists were decapitated *before* they entered the Krustyland House of Knives. Next question.
    Female Reporter: What about that little boy who got appendicitis from eating your cereal?
    Krusty: To prove that this metal O is harmless, I will personally eat one. See there's nothing.. Argh! Aaah! Boy! This thing is shedding my insides..
    Sideshow Mel: Uhh.. Krusty that wasn't a metal one that was a regular Krusty-O.
    Krusty: It's poison.
  • [3F04] Giant Advertising Mascots Attack! [THOH]
    Kent: Good morning everybody. Panic is gripping Springfield as giant advertising mascots rampage through the city. Perhaps its part of some daring new ad campaign but what new product could justify such carnage? A cleanser? A fat free fudge cake that doesn't let you down in the flavor department? Like so many others,.. (Kent is taken by giant Kent)
  • [3F06] Homer's Mom Sabotage's Burns Chemical Lab  (flashback)
    Kent: Only one member of the Springfield 7 was identified. She's been described as a woman in her early 30's, yellow complexion and may be extremely helpful. For Channel Six news, I'm Kenny Brockelstein.
  • [3F-9] Last Broadcast Before Sideshow Bob Shut Television Down
    ..and as my final newscast draws to a close I'll reminded of a few of the events that brought me closer to you. The collapse of the Soviet Union; premium ice cream price wars; dogs that were mistakenly issued major credit cards; and others, who weren't so lucky. And so, farewell. And don't forget to look for my new column in PC World magazine.
  • [3F12] Krusty in jail for tax avoision [I don't say evasion]
    Ladies and gentleman, Krusty the Clown was arrested today for massive tax fraud. Krusty's years of tax avoision would never have ... (hearing something in earphone)... avoision, it's a crime. Look it up. ...would never have come...I don't say evasion I say avoision. Would never have come to light if not for a crafty little boy named Bart Simpson.
  • [3F12] the Day the Laughter Died, Krusty is dead
    ..and so, Herschel Krustofsy is gone, but not forgotten. Today was the unveiling of the new Krusty stamp. Postal patrons were asked to choose between two competing designs; one of Krusty's heartwarming smile and one of his fiery death. By nearly a two to one vote, the smiling Krusty was chosen.
  • [3F16] A stowaway bear terrorizing space shuttle, Itchy & Scratchy Parade
  • [3F20] This is Kent Brockman with a special report from the channel 6 news copter. A large "bear"-like animal, most likely a bear, has wandered down from the hills in search of food, or perhaps employment. Please remain calm. Stay in your homes.
  • [3F20] Votes are in, Yes on 24
  • [3G01] Man in a coma for 23 years, E.T. phone Homer
  • [3G02] Springfield Heat Wave
    And so Springfield's heat wave continues, with today's temperature exceeding the record for this date, set way back 4 billion years ago when the earth was just a ball of molten lava.
  • [3G04] Could Homer Simpson be a communist? Well sir, Treason season started early this year as a nuclear sub was hijacked by local man Homer Simpson.
  • [4F02] Campaign 96': Clinton conference and Dole comments
  • [4F05] Mr. Burns' son has been kidnapped
  • [4F06] An oil tanker has run aground on Baby Seal Beach
  • [4F07] Hurricane Barbara is coming
  • [4F07] On the scene with the Leftorium rioters
  • [4F15] A drunken boy [Bart] on the street
  • [4F24] Kent: Now to recap our top story in its entirety. The adaptable citizens of Springfield have opened their hearts to Principal Seymour Skinner, who.. (looking back at photo) not THAT one! Idiots.
  • [4F24] A Wave of towel snapping in Springfield
  • [5F01] Soccer Riot
    Kent: What began as a traditional soccer riot has escalated into a city-wide orgy of destruction. Reacting swiftly Mayor Quimby has declared mob rule. So for the next several years it's every family for itself!
    Homer: I'd like to buy your deadliest gun?
    Gun salesman: Aisle 6, right next to the sympathy cards.
  • [5F02] Kent: ...and that's how a heroic hippo became a deputy.
  • [5F02] Tension between France and Springfield over Mayor Quimby's frog legs joke
    Kent: This just in - Tensions continue to mount between France and Mayor Quimby's now famous frogs legs joke. The French President has threatened swift and massive retaliation if he doesn't receive an immediate apology.
    Homer: Stupid frogs.
    Kent: We now go live to city hall for Mayor Quimby's response.
    Quimby: I stand by my ethnic slur. Do your worst you filthy pretentious savages!
  • [5F03] Health Fair
    Kent: Results from yesterday's health fair are in and the news is not good. Springfield is in terrible shape particularly our young boys. In this reporter's opinion, it's time for our lard-laden lads to shape up. Get out and try fun activities like military service, frenetic dancing or good old-fashioned peewee football.
  • [5F13] Live Mayor Quimby press conference at the abandoned penitentiary
  • [5F14] Live Report: Tax day at the post office. "It's the 11th hour, 10pm. Why did you wait to the last minute to..."
  • [5F21] Phony Pope "authorities say he can be recognized by his hightop sneakers and incredibly foul mouth"
  • [5F21] Thomas Edison still inventing, will generate millions for already wealthy heirs
  • [5F22] Our top story: population of parasitic tree lizards has exploded. local citizens happy that they're eating all the pigeons.
  • [5F23] Special Investigation Report--an evil sect has come to Springfield, the Movementarians. Later, "Let's welcome our new leader"
  • [5F24] Attention all citizens, even though the leader is completely non-violent, he urges you to be violent as you like in capturing the Simpsons.
  • [AABF01] Fluffy kitten played with a ball of string all through the night; a clerk was brutally murdered
  • [AABF01] another of Springfield's beloved citizens murdered today
  • [AABF02] point shaving may have occurred in as many as 3 Harlem Globetrotter games; a half-witted oaf causes production to stop at Groovy Groove Juice Corporation
  • [AABF05] rat's milk is returned to the sewers, the circle of life is complete
  • [AABF06] live at the Monty Burns Casino demolition
  • [AABF07] live at Moe's with the celebration of the Isotope's win
  • [AABF07] live at Springfield Elementary "The 3 R's stand for Rowdiness, Ransacking, and er-Responsibility"
  • [AABF07] reports the news from his home because of the new under 70 curfew
  • [AABF11] Valentine's Day is one day away. Local Romeo's seven day gift-a-thon delighting his wife..."
  • [AABF11] live at the scene of a Level 3 Rhino alert
  • [AABF16] "To honor the arrival of our foreign friends and enemies, Channel 6 is sponsoring a contest to find a Springfield Olympic Mascot. The winner will join such other memorable mascots such as The Atlanta 'Whatzit' and the Montreal 'Vampire'."
  • [AABF17] billionaire Arthur Fortune visits Springfield
  • [AABF17] monster fever hits Springfield
  • [AABF18] "This is Kent Brockman at city hall where the intellectual junta known as the bright pack has been running this town for the better part of three days."
  • [BABF20] Springfield: A Town Divided "As expected New Springfield's bold experiment in slob rule..."
  • [BABF20] "With the money made from the gold Old Springfield was able to buy the Evian water factory and fly it over here from France.."
  • [CABF02] Mr. "X" the Internet watchdog
  • [CABF06] "The weather service has now upgraded from winter wonderland to a class III kill storm"
  • [CABF12] "Good afternoon and welcome to the 97th Springfield Marathon commemorating the time Jebediah Springfield ran across six states to avoid his creditors."
  • [CABF15] "Praiseland Amusement Park had its grand opening today. We now go live to its founder, Nedwood Flanders..."
  • [CABF18] "Local authorities are confident the killer bees are just curious and won't bother us if we don't bother them."
  • [CABF18] On a serious note two local residents have been missing for the last 20 minutes. We take you now live to Barney's Bowl-a-rama and the last man who saw them: Montgomery Burns.
  • [CABF22] Kent Brockman: There's a new judge in town with a hard nosed approach to juvenile crime; punish the parents! Judge Harm: Kids are running wild, Kent. And I blame Mr. & Mrs. Neverspank.... It's time to take control. Parents; if you can't cope, you'll wear the rope
  • [DABF01] Environmental laws repealed: "In the nation the administration has declared recycling a felony and Smokey the Bear is now Choppy the Lumberjack."
  • [DABF03] Sugar banned in Springfield: "Good evening. Our top story, Springfield's cake hole has been shut forever! Under what has been dubbed Marge's law, all forms of sugar are now illegal. So say a bittersweet farewell to such old friends as mud pies, Bite 'Ems, Éclarios [cereal], Chew 'Ems, Kellogg's All Fudge, Big Red Snack Foam, [Sugared] Milk Chuds, Eat 'Ems and all sugar pills will be changed back to highly concentrated opium."
  • [DABF04] Artie Ziff rich: "Gentleman, start your envy! Mens World Magazine has listed the 100 richest men in the country and coming in at number five is Springfield native Artie Ziff."
  • [DABF07] "This just in a robbery is in progress at the National Bank of Springfield.."
  • [DABF11] "This just in The marijuana re-criminalization took another step forward..."
  • [DABF16] "Speaking of death, octogenarian Merna Belamy was brutally murdered last night. The top suspects her disgruntled servants Homer and Marge Simpson."
  • [DABF17] Ernie: Kent this city has exploded in a fireball of pent-up rage! Kent: I think what the viewers want to know Arnie is, is my house OK?
  • [DABF17] Kent: With this latest arrest Springfield is free of crime, although overrun with ferrets.
  • [DABF18] Kent: ...making it the latest Segway scooter incident to claim over one thousand lives.
  • [DABF18] Kent: Locally two school children offended veterans and flag hags imitating a stunt they learned while watching television's Krusty the Clown..
  • [DABF19] Kent: ...like comedy clubs in the late 80's, these ravenous clones are everywhere! [Sign behind him has "SWARM WATCH" with hundreds of Homer heads] They've destroyed every building in town. Except Moe's tavern, which is reporting record business!
  • [EABF01] Kent: It's Mardi Gras time in Springfield. This year's Mardi Gras King is none other than local hothead Homer Simpson. Long Live the King! In a related story, Homer Simpson may not have long to live.
  • [EABF03] Kent: [interviewing Lisa] Young lady why are you protesting today? Lisa: Because this lab is cruelly testing consumer products on animals.
  • [EABF03] Kent: Breaking news at the screaming monkey research labs where hundreds of test animals have been freed by unknown activists. Chief Wiggum, do you have a statement?
  • [EABF06] Kent: Springfield is still grappling tonight with the departure of Reverend Timothy Lovejoy, local Bible nut. How is our community coping with this spiritual vacuum? Let's ask Arnie Pye, in the sky..
  • [EABF07] Lisa Simpson and the Spellympics;
    In business news, 3M and M&M have merged to form.. get this.. Ultradyne Systems. And speaking of news stories, here's another...
    [Lisa's picture appears with WORD NERD written below it] Springfield's spelling phenom Lisa Simpson has qualified for spelling's answer to the Olympics, the Spellympics. In a related story, the Spellympics is being sued by the Olympics for use of the suffix lympics. [Parody of suit for five rings; five rings appears on picture on screen with vowels within the rings [tosses papers aside]
    This has got to be the slowest news day *ever*. [handed a news bulletin] Ah, that's better.
    Paris is no more. The legendary city of lights has been extinguished forever as a massive [TV is cut off]
  • [EABF09] Kent: Congressman Wilcox was laid to rest today. A special election with be held next month to fill his vacant seat.
  • [EABF09] Kent: We're ready to announce a winner in Springfield's 24th congressional district. Its Republican candidate Krusty the Clown!
  • [EABF11] Clean Up of Light Pollution;
    Look out Matthew Modine and Charlene Tilden. There are new stars in town! Sky stars! Now visible due to Springfield's latest cave-in, to the astronomer lobby. [Interviewing Lisa and Frink]
    Lisa: The best part is, next week we get to see the deadly meteor shower.
    Kent: Deadly meteor shower?
    Lisa: Named after its discoverer, Professor Artermus Deadly, who was, ironically, killed in the shower of 1853.
  • [EABF11] [Sign behind Kent] Hoods Rob Hoods in 'Hoods;
    Springfield's pro-darkness policy has resulted in a spree of vandalism unmatched since the Detroit Tigers made the playoffs over two centuries ago. The government has issued an Orange alert, which, once again, means.. nothing.
  • [EABF14] Homer the Cat Lover
    Kent: Mr. Simpson, how long have you been a cat person?
    Homer: All my life, Kent. I prefer catsup to ketchup, and to me Yusaf Islam will always be Cat Stevens.
    Kent: Terrific stuff. You must really love the Broadway musical Cats.
    Homer: God no, it sucks!
    Kent: Seems like you're quite the animal lover. Do you have any other pets, a dog perhaps?
    Homer: Kent, let me make this perfectly clear. I *have* no dog.
    Kent: Strong words. Strong words, from a strange man.
  • [EABF18] Captured 60's radical Mona J. Simpson goes on trial today on decades old charges of sabotaging the Montgomery Burns germ warfare lab. For those of you too young to remember the 60's, Here's our stock montage: [as promised, scenes of Peace rally/Vietnam protest, Nixon, etc.] During her years on the lam Mona Simpson led an exemplary life working as a crossing guard; oral historian; reader for the blind; listener for the deaf; and reacher for the short. Yet local villain Montgomery Burns seen here terrorizing children in a 19th century woodcut insists that she stand trial.
  • [EABF19] ...the angry President woke up, crawled out of his grave, and went back to work! That sound can only mean one thing. It's time for another installment of Kent's Cowards! Today's clip comes straight from the Springfield Dump.
  • [EABF20] The Springfield student strike has entered its fourth day with no end in sight. Today professional buttinski Michael Moore arrived on the scene.
  • [FABF02] This just in, Santa Claus is dead. Or he might as well be, because there's an even fatter man who's holding men at nicepoint. Homer Simpson, seen here in this retouched photo.
  • [FABF03] Kids are people too! Worthless, incomplete people. That's the battle cry as single Springfieldelites are continuing to run roughshod over children and families. ...and in downtown Springfield a statue is being erected to America's most misunderstood hero, the deadbeat Dad. [Statue "I Just Don't Have It"]
  • [FABF03] Coming up later, what your dog can tell you about your prostate. But first, Marge Simpson's "Families Come First" initiative seems to be gaining steam.
  • [FABF08] Coming up: Can Canoodling cure cancer? Of course not. But first, where is Artie Ziff? The SEC wants to know. Seems Ziff Corp. spent stockholders money on everything from marble toothbrushes to solid gold underpants. (Marge notices that's what she's ironing)
  • [FABF08] Artie Ziff shocked investigators today by turning over a second set of books detailing his own financial culpability and exonerating stumbling bumbling boob Homer Simpson.
  • [FABF10] [not realizing he's live yet] Oh God I love to smoke. We're live at the opening of the latest chapter of the epic space saga Cosmic Wars. And the nerds have emerged from their basements wearing strange costumes to shield their pasty skin from the moonlight.
  • [FABF11] I'm not chipping in for a birthday cake for that jackass Arnie Pyle. Let him eat.. [now notices camera is on] This is Kent Brockman live at Springfield Juvenile hall the scene of a daring escape by prisoners Bart Simpson and Gina Vendetti.
  • [FABF15] Pie! Popular pastry, tricky Math thing and now sword of righteousness. A masked avenger has been giving Springfield's scoundrels their just deserts.
  • [FABF16] Following the lead of Springfield Nuclear Power other local companies are canceling their prescription drug plans, even here at channel 6. To cope with the crisis many consumers are turning to alternative forms of treatment. Of course this wouldn't be necessary if retail drug prices were reasonable. Dr. Julius Hibbert, do you agree?
  • [FABF18] This is Kent Brockman, live at Springfield's most beloved tourist attraction, the man shaped mountain crag known as Geezer rock. Carved by centuries of wind and rain Geezer rock will soon be more than just a place for teens to have sex and commit suicide...
  • [FABF18] ...and so, a day after the tragedy the town still mourns the loss of its veritable old man. Beloved by children, thought to be thousands of years old. We'll miss you Geezer Rock. But one old man we certainly don't miss is the late C. Montgomery Burns. As owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant he generated both electricity and contempt. Thank You Geezer rock for doing what none of us had the courage to do; smush Mr. Burns.
  • [FABF20] I'm here live at the annual Oven Fresh Bakeoff brought to you by the Oven Fresh Flour family of products including Li'l Fatso Cupcakes; Drizzlers Gravies; American Pride Radar-Guided Missile Systems and Quetzalcoatl's Choice Mexican Food ("Tastier than a human heart")". The favorite from Zewananeyho to popapachaettle.
  • [FABF22] In Springfield today a sex scandal has brought in reporters from around the world. Why, here's Fox news! The cause of all this commotion is mayor and suspected illegal immigrant Joe Quimby named today in paternity suits by 27 different women.
  • [FABF22] Rebuttle
    Chloe: Two things are certain; the mayor is in deep trouble, and the local newsmen in this town are idiots.
    Kent: (interrupting) Channel Six News rocks. A car chase every night, or the weather girl wears a tube top. And if she doesn't, you win a pizza.
  • [GABF01] Kent Brockman: So, Mr. Boswell, what do you think of the new Moe's? Boswell: Marge Simpson, I wish you me could live forever
  • [GABF02] Outrage Over Religious Super Bowl Show
    Kent: All over America today, viewers were outraged by the Super Bowl halftime show's blatant display of religion and decency.
    Woman on the street: You try to raise your kids as secular humanists but these showbiz types keep shoving religion down our throats!
    Child: Mommy, why wasn't I baptized? Woman: You see? You see?
  • [GABF03] Bart Kidnapped
    Tragedy climbed a ladder last night as 10-year-old Bart Simpson was snatched from his bed. His chocolate milk dreams cut short by kidnapping fiends. Mrs. Simpson is the pain so unbearable you wish your son had never been born?
  • [GABF08] Prison Riot
    We've all heard of a laugh riot, but a prison riot? Kent Brockman high above Montgomery Burns State Penitentiary where our expensive Thermocam 3000 is finally being used for something. This red glow is the heat is from a pack of inmates who are desperately looking for prison snitch Homer Simpson. This massive blob over here who's attempting to hide in the kitchen area. Good luck, blobby!
  • [GABF14] End of the World
    This is Kent Brockman reporting live from downtown Springfield where overweight doomsayer Homer Simpson is predicting the world will end next Wednesday! Homer, what turned you from sad drunk to mad monk?
    Homer: Funny story Kent. Its the End of the World! God Loves You! He's Gonna Kill You! Here's my angle....
  • [GABF14] Springfield Cemetery next to The Simpsons
    The postal service is sending a change of address card - to itself! The Springfield Stamp Museum will now be built on the site of the Springfield Cemetery. The cemetery will be moved right here - next to The Simpsons.
  • [GABF19] Worse Accident in Springfield History
    This is Kent Brockman live at the scene at the worse accident in Springfield's history. But not to worry, the city's emergency services are on their way. (Fire, ambulance and Wiggum in his police car all collide on the scene right before a helicopter crashes on the wreckage) Springfield needs a hero! And it needs one now!
  • [GABF19] Kent Brockman for Mayor
    (in front of sign "The Old Gray Mayor Ain't What He Use to be") Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby has survived twelve reelection campaigns, countless accusations of infidelity, bribery, extortion, and his bizarre attempt to hijack a 747. "Take this plane anywhere girls are going wild." But the mayor may have a tougher time getting past next months special recall election. Over 200 candidates have filed, including yours truly Kent Brockman. In other news, a common household fabric can kill you. Find out which one when you vote for Kent Brockman!
  • [HABF03] Body found on Mt. Springfield
    Kent Brockman here atop Mt. Springfield where the melting icecap has revealed a discovery so gruesome we'll give you a moment to get the children out of the room. That's long enough. Here it is, a frozen mailman and somehow buried in ice several decades ago. For further analyses here's the one scientist whose always home when we call, Professor John Frink! Frink: Based on the ice core samples and the size of the mailman's bell bottoms we have determined that he was frozen sometime in the 1960's.
  • [HABF03] Hurricane in Springfield Keys
    This is Kent Brockman in the Springfield Keys reporting to you from the middle of a hurricane. The lid from my coffee cup is looong gone. (he's then struck by a STOP sign) I'm scared people, truly scared!
  • [HABF09] Springfield Professional Football
    This is Kent Brockman live from the Duff Beer Krustyburger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park. In just one hour the commissioner of football will arrive to sign the contracts necessary to make Springfield the home of pro-football's newest team; The Meltdowns. In honour of the commissioners visit the city has been repainted in the team colors and all the streets whimsically renamed.
  • [HABF14] Lisa vs. God Trial
    This is Kent Brockman reporting live from the trail of God vs. Lisa Simpson. Defending Miss Simpson is ACLU appointed liberal Clarice Drummond; and prosecuting the case against Lisa is humble country lawyer Wallace Brady. I think it's fair to say if that man doesn't win, I'm resigning from the jury.
  • [HABF16] Buck Mitchell
    This is Kent Brockman with an Isotope baseball update. The 'topes are in first place since the acquisition of Home Run king Buck Mitchell. Thanks to him Springfield is overrun with fair weather fans.
  • [HABF22] High Speed Pursuit
    Kent: This is Kent Brockman a high speed pursuit is taking place on the streets of Springfield. We were spotted it immediately after seeing it on channels 2, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 63. The driver is getting out of his car. He's running to a helipad. He's taking off in a copter. Here he is next to us.
    Snake: Kent, there seems to be a traffic tie-up at the 101 405 interchange. I recommend taking surface streets. Jailbird away!
    Kent: Well, there you have it people. Sweet Morley Safer do I see a telegenic housewife making art out of Popsicles? Set this baby down. I smell soft news? Ma'am I'd like to feature you on my award submitted segment, Kent Brockman's kentristing people!
  • [JABF15] Kent the Weather Man
    (see also Smartline segment below!)
    Kent: The Federal Communications Commission announced today they will launch a full inquiry into garbage tongued anchorman Kent .. Brockman? In a related story Channel 6 will demote Kent Brockman to.. Weekend Weather Man??! Dear God this can't be happening (gets up and walks over to weather map). It's a glorious day here in Springfield. Light winds, low humidity. Let's check the five day forecast. (Someone has drawn Kent Stinks on the weather map while he was talking)
    Arnie Pye: (on monitor) Even the map thinks you stink Kent!
    Arnie Pye: In breaking news the FCC has just handed down a record 10 million dollar fine against channel 6 for Kent Brockman's shameful swear-nami. Ten million dollars! Looks like news hound, the channel 6 mascot, is going to have to go without his lazy eye surgery. Sorry, boy.
  • [JABF19] Convicted Robber Dwight David Diddlehopper Escapes
    We interrupt this Emmy award winning cartoon for an important bulletin. Convicted bank robber Dwight David Diddlehopper has escaped from Springfield Penitentiary. The escapee left a note saying he will turn himself in after he takes care of one unfinished piece of business. The police have issued a statement saying "that seems more than fair".
  • [MOVIE1] Pollution in Lake Springfield
    Good evening this is Kent Brockman. Efforts to find out whose selfish crime against the environment have been fruitless until moments ago. A shocking discovery has been made here at Lake Springfield. (Homer: That could be anybody's pig crap silo.) Just a reminder; this station does not endorse vigilante justice. Unless it gets results - which it will. (GET HIM flashes under picture of Homer Simpson)
  • [MOVIE1] Life Under The Dome
    This is Kent Brockman reporting to you on a crisis so serious it has it's own name and theme music. (Trappuccino shown on screen) The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything.from gasoline to Botox. (face suddenly melts down) Moment, please. Now, as always, we end out news on the lighter side. It's the time of the year when the swallows returns to Springfield. (we see swallows striking dome and sliding down to cats waiting below)
    Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which (power fails)
    Day 93 under the dome. With necessities growing dangerously low, who knows what spark will set off this powder keg.
  • [KABF01] Ten time attempted murderer and celebrity Jeopardy runner-up Sideshow Bob is in custody again.
  • [KABF01] America has a tradition of turning outlaws into legends after their deaths. Billy the Kid. Bonnie and Clyde. Jesus Christ. Joining them now is Robert Sideshow Bob Twilligger whose funeral we're presenting with live shovel to shovel coverage.
  • [KABF03] The Presidential Primary
    With Springfield's primary now first in the nation our humble city is overrun with candidates, newshounds, spin doctors, hack flaks, russards, blitzers and even the occasional voter. Kent: Sir, do you have a preference? Moe: Yeah, I like girls, fruit loop. Kent: Nah, are you a registered voter? Moe: I'm a registered... something.
  • [KABF03] Wiggum for President
    Roll over Ann Coulter and tell James Carville the news. Springfield voters have overwhelmingly rejected the major candidates of both parties in favor of a write-in eight-year-old Ralph Wiggum. Shockingly this new face is now favored by 53% of likely voters. A new front runner has been crowned.
  • [KABF03] Both Parties seek Wiggum for President
    This is Kent Brockman reporting from the Wiggum compound where both parties have gathered to court the most charismatic child since Drew Barrymore in Firestarter. When she got mad, they got burned! Ralph, both parties want to offer you their nomination. Whom do you like?
  • [KABF07] Martin Prince Killed?
    Breaking News Channel 6 Kent: We interrupt Captain Kiddies Comfort Carnival to report on a grizzly incident involving a small child who has apparently plunged off a guardrail here at Springfield National Park.
    Chief Wiggum: According to this pocket protector the victim's name is Martin Prince. Sadly, his pocket was protected but nothing else. And we know exactly who was to blame. No one. The boy clearly fell by accident. He crashed through the tree canopy there, and was presumably eaten by this cougar who is still coughing up parts of the boys clothes. Tragic, just tragic. You think this would fit little Ralphie?
    Lou: Chief that's evidence. Chief: I Know, but after it's evidence it's a shirt again.
  • [KABF09] Lurleen Lumpkin Tax Problems
    Dozen of swindling deadbeats as well as this respected reporter who made an honest mistake have paid their back taxes leaving only one outstanding debtor, country music star Lurleen Lumpkin, seen here at the height of her fame. (We see Lurleen with Kermit the Frog). (it then continues later) ...Miss Lumpkin owed $50,000 in back taxes with penalties, interest and the celebrity resentment tax that sum has grown to 12 million dollars. ..however she has been missing for several years since her career went into a downward spiral.
  • [KABF21] Fortune 4 Lotto numbers are 9, 7, 3, and..
  • [LABF03] Ned, the Evil Landlord
    Kent: This is Kent Brockman with a Channel 6 exclusive. The Evil Ned. 742 Evergreen Terrace, a tiny slice of suburban heaven. But, like dating an actress, what seemed like heaven soon turned to hell.
    Homer: We live in a house that is trying to kill us...
    Kent: So, who is responsible for these outrages? The man whose side of the story we didn't even bother to get; Ned Flanders. The worst.. person.. who ever lived!
  • [LABF04] Solar Eclipse
    Our top story: today, Springfield will experience a rare total eclipse of the sun. A solar eclipse is like a woman breast feeding in a restaurant. It's free, it's beautiful, but under no circumstances should you look at it. We recommend using a homemade camera obscura fashioned from an ordinary shoe box and paper towel tube.
  • [LABF05] The Parson Visits
    Springfielders have camped out all night to get a glimpse of the most saintly person to visit our town since Mother Theresa stopped here to gas up her Vespa.
• Kent Brockman Shows
  • [3G03] Before They Were Famous
    • a McBain childhood commercial
    • a young Charles Bronson on Andy Griffith Show
  • Eye on Springfield
    • [8F08] Springfield tire fire, 1966-1991
    • [8F08] Springfield's oldest man meets Springfield's fattest man
    • [8F08] Elephant that never forgets.....to brush
    • [8F08] Toast to Moe, wizard of Walnut Street
      Moe: "The Flaming Moe" dates back to my forefathers who were bartenders to the czar..
    • [9F03] Man hiccuping for 45 years
    • [9F18] Munchskins, where are they now?
    • [9F18] Nudist camp for animals and Whacking Day
      Announcer: Tonight on Eye on Springfield, the Munchkins from The Wizard of Oz. Where are they now? (They show a cemetery of gravestones) And we'll visit a nudist camp... for animals. But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, "Whacking Day". In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. After exposing Alger Hiss Honorary Grand Marshall Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss. (he accidentally repeatedly strikes person holding a snake down for him)
      Nixon: Is Whacking Day over? (everyone boos) Thank you. Thank you for coming out.
    • [1F07] Hail to the Cheat, secret presidential affairs
    • [1F14] Kill-bot Factory
    • [2F31] Rappin' Rabbi's, Springfield voted least popular city
    • [4F13] Two story outhouse, a comedy nurse, move over Baltimore
    • [EABF04] Rainier Wolfcastle bankrupt;
      Kent Brockman: I'm here with actor Rainier Wolfcastle who has surprisingly filed for bankruptcy. Rainier, what went wrong?
      Rainier: Three divorces in three months. What can I say, Kent? I'm a romantic.
  • [2F18] Kent's Kitchen
    Kent: Always use fresh Macaroni. If the box rattles, throw it away!
  • [4F19] Kent's People Frank Grimes
  • My 2 Cents "I'm Kent Brockman, and that was `My Two Cents'"
    • [8F04] Eenie meenie miney moe. Is Homer a hero? The answer is, `No'.
    • [9F07] Greenhouse Effect
      Could this record-breaking heat wave be the result of the dreaded greenhouse effect? Well if 70 degree days in the middle of winter are the price of car pollution you'll forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac.
    • [9F19] Gabbo Foul Language Gabbo's kind of language has no place on or off TV. And that's my two cents. (Kent now thinks *he's* off the air) That oughta hold those S.O.B.'s.
    • [1F05] If it feels good, do it
    • [1F15] Where's my Elephant?
    • [4F12] Poochie the Dog
    • [5F03] the health of Springfield citizens is terrible
  • Oops Patrol
    • [EABF18] The irrepressible 100-year-old skydiver will be buried as soon as his body is found. Now it's time for the Channel 6 "Oops Patrol". One eagle eyed viewer spotted this hilarious headline: Mayor Unveils Erection to Cheering Crowd
  • Smartline
    • [7F09] Cartoon Violence, with Marge, Krusty, Roger Myers, Dr. Monroe:
      Kent: Hello. I'm Kent Brockman and welcome to another edition of Smartline. Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say, "No, of course not. What kind of stupid question is that?" But one woman says, "Yes." And she's here with us tonight. Mrs. Marge Simpson. Also with us for this animated discussion are Roger Myers, Chairman of the Board of Itchy & Scratchy International;
      Myers: Thank you. Kent: Krusty the Klown, whose delightful program brings us the antics of Itchy & Scratchy "every afternoon at four" [this line missing from captions]
      Krusty: Hi, Kent.
      Kent: ..and joining us live via satellite from Vienna, The home of [Sigmund] Freud, the world's most famous psychiatrist, to give us an insight into the human mind, Dr. Marvin Monroe.
      Dr. Monroe: Hiya.
    • [7F09] Michelangelo's David in Springfield;
      Kent: Is it a masterpiece? Or just some guy with his pants down? That's our topic tonight on Smartline. Now, Mrs. Simpson. why are you against this statue?
      Marge: I'm not. I think everyone in Springfield should see it.
      Kent: Wait a minute. Aren't you Marge Simpson, the wacko?
      Marge: Hmmm well, yes and no.
      
    • [8F22] Obese people
    • [9F15] Power Plant union strike
      Kent: Tonight on Smartline the power plant strike - argle-bargle or foofaraw? With us tonight is plant owner C. M. Burns, union kingpin Homer Simpson and talk show mainstay Dr. Joyce Brothers. Dr. Joyce: I brought my own mike! Kent: Yes. Well. Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur. (Homer screams) My director is telling me not to talk to you anymore. Homer: Whoo-hoo! Kent: Mr. Burns, you mentioned you wanted an opening tirade. Burns: Yes, thank you Kent. Fifteen minutes from now, I will wreak a terrible vengeance on this city. No one will be spared! No one! Kent: (laughing) A chilling vision to things to come.
    • [1F09] Interview with vigilante leader, Cueball.
    • [5F05] Springfield Angel controversy with Lisa Simpson
    • [GABF04] Marriage Fever:
      Kent: A new epidemic is raging through Springfield, and this one didn't start with Krusty burger's whatcha-McCarcus sandwich. I'm talking about an outbreak of marriage fever. Reverend Simpson,..
      Homer: Please, Kent, call me your holiness.
      Kent: Ha, ha, I can't, I just can't. Homer, have we started down a slippery slope where marriage becomes so meaningless that anyone could marry anything?
      Homer: Oh, Kent, not anything! It has to exist! ...or does it?
      Rev. Lovejoy: Well, call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage described in the bible..
      Homer: If you love the Bible so much why don't you marry it? In fact, I now pronounce you and the Bible man and wife.... and you're the wife! HAHAHAHAHA.. You owe me two hundred bucks.
      Rev. Lovejoy: Homer, your impulsive marriages are going to lead to a lot of divorces.
      Homer: Which will lead to a lot more impulsive marriages, which will put more green in the blue, blue being my pants.
      Krusty: If I may say a word...
      Kent: Why, we're joined live now by Krusty the Klown! Krusty;
      Krusty: I want to clear up a misconception about the whatchaMcCarcus sandwich. I use NON-diseased meat from diseased animals. Everyone does it!
      
    • [JABF15] Homer Ice Cream and Kent %$#@&:
      Kent Brockman: Tonight, on Smartline, a provocative discussion on the Middle East will not be featured, instead we'll be talking to a man who bought an ice cream cone.
      Homer: (waving) That's me!
      Kent Brockman: Of course that has nothing to do with the fact that this station and the ice cream company are owned by the same corporation, but I digress. All right, let's just get through this.
      Kent: Mr. Simpson, tell us how felt when you bought the fateful treat.
      Homer: I've never been to war, but I imagine it feels like your first kill.
      The happiness swept me away (swings arm knocking the scalding cup of coffee off Kent's desk and onto his lap).
      Kent: Oww! That hurt like a *expletive deleted*.
      (later...)
      Kent: Earlier on this broadcast, I said a word so vile it should only be uttered by Satan himself while sitting on the toilet. I apologize and will make a large donation to charities that fight teen cursing. Goodnight!
      
    • [KABF08] First Lady
      Kent: ...and the first lady has agreed to sit on the egg until it hatches.
    • [LABF14] Burger Squared
      Kent: We're here at Krustyburger for the launch of the highly anticipated Burger**2 (Burger Squared). Krusty, what can you tell us about this fantastic new sandwich.
      Krusty: I'm glad you asked, Kent. We start with Grade A beef, feed that to other cows, then kill them and serve the unholy results on a seven grain bun. Burgers squared! ..(cuts away to OFF talking)
      Kent: And now this lucky reporter will be the first human to sample this delicious crime against nature. (Takes a bite). Juicy. Flavorful. With just a hint of.. arggg.. (turns into a zombie)
      
  • [5F07] Dateline Kent Brockman
    • A creature was stirring, what he was stirring was "up trouble"
  • [5F10] Kent Brockman the Clown
    • "Today's top joke, it seems a local moron threw his clock out the window..."
  • [5F15] Kent Cares
    • emotional story on an old carousel
  • [5F11] A.M. Springfield
    • "Meet a real life Noah, accused of killing 2 of every animal
  • [4F24] Editorial Reply
    • Lisa urges everyone to read and not waste their brain
  • [CABF11] Brockman Report
    • The safe baby craze: It's sweeping Springfield
  • [GABF10] Stormwatch
    • Professor Frink, what's the scientific explanation for this unusually severe thunderstorm?
      Frink: Well Kent, we are exploring two theories at this point, A, either we have a supercell of high pressure fronts, or B, God is bowling!, with the balls, and the pins, and the rental shoes, and the very bad cheese pizza that comes in squares.
      Kent: Krusty! What's your lighthearted take on our recent bad weather?
      Krusty: Sorry, Kent. I sold all my bad weather jokes to Jay Moore, but I can make funny sounds in your microphone.
      Kent: (resigned) Fine. (after sounds) There you have it.
  • [HABF22] Kentristing People
    • I'm here with local sculptress Marge Simpson who works in, of all media, Popsicle sticks. Our viewers want to know two things. Why and how come?
• Scott Christian Laugh and a Half
  • [8F04] There was more dumb luck in the news today when our own Police Chief Wiggum foiled a bank holdup without even trying. It seems the chief had gone to the bank to cash in his penny jar... Yes, it seems the chief pulled a Homer Simpson of his own.
• Jon Stewart - The Daily Show
  • [KABF03] Jon Stewart: (The Daily Show Truck behind him) This is Jon Stewart reporting from Springfield. (To those standing around him) Do I need to say my name? People know me, right? I know this is just cable. You know, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to (take a deep breath and exhales); Great. Now I'm worried.
• Head Butt with Nash Castor
  • [KABF03] Our top story - President Ralph Wiggum? Two days ago this bed wetter made a splash in the Springfield primary. With the remaining 49 primaries scheduled for next Tuesday, can Ralph go from Sesame Street to Pennsylvania Avenue?
• Other News
  • [9F04] News announcer: ...and in environmental news scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly.
• Johnny Carson's Tonight Show
  • [8F02] "Geraldo Rivera, Madonna, and a diseased Yak"
  • [8F06] "I just heard Milli Vanni was arrested for impersonating a McNugget" "well, its true"
  • [9F08] "The coast guard arrested Boy George for scraping barnacles off his dingy"
  • [9F21] "Gilligan, the skipper, and Chief Wiggum? Name three castaways"
• TV Movies
  • [7F01] Movie for a Dreary Afternoon
  • [7F03] Million dollar Movies.....Gorilla Week - Gorilla the Conqueror
  • [8F03] Blood on the Blackboard: the Bart Simpson Story
    Starring Richard Chamberlain as Principal Skinner, Joe Montegna as Fat Tony, Jane Seymour as the woman he loved, and TV's Doogie Howser, Neil Patrick Harris, as Bart Simpson!
  • [8F05] Hercules vs. the Martians [Academy Award Playhouse]
  • [8F16] Two for Tunisia [Colorization Theater]
  • [9F03] Star Trek XII: So Very Tired
  • [1F02] School of Hard Knockers starring Cory Masterson
  • [2F06] Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass Grabber starring Dennis Franz
  • [2F07] THOU$AND DOLLAR MOVIE: Great Frisco Freakout
    Narrator: We now return to the 1971 film Good Times Slim Uncle Doobie and the Great Frisco Freakout starring Troy McCure Dude 1: Dude, If we have the bag with the stolen diamonds, then what happened to the bag with our stash?
    Troy: There's more than one way to get high, baby.
  • [3F14] Movie For A Rained-Out Ballgame: The Muppets Go Medieval
    Announcer: "Movie For A Rained-Out Ballgame" now returns to Dyan Cannon, Troy McClure, and the Muppets in the 1977 film: "The Muppets Go Medieval".
    Troy: Oh Princess Fair, wilst thou grant me thine dainty hoof in marriage?
    Piggy: Oh, Sir Lies-A-Lot, I will! [they kiss each other] Troy: [purrs]
    Kermit: [in armor, wielding a sword] Unhand the swine, you swain! Come, Piggy, back to Hamelot. Piggy: Heck no, frog. Me and Iron Pants are just getting acquinted.
  • [3G02] The Krusty the Klown [sic] Story
    Booze, drugs, guns, lies, blackmail, and laughter
    Starring Fivish Finkle as Krusty the Clown.
    (we see the Betty Ford Center, then the Clown Detox Wing)
    Krusty: I went through a five year orgy of non-stop pills, and booze, with nothing to show for it but four Emmy's and a Peabody award. (moans)
    Krusty: John Ho? You mother Mia and I are getting a divorce.
    Chin Ho: John Ho is over there. I am Chin Ho.
    Krusty: Whoever you are, just pass it along, kid.
    
  • [3G04] Blackula [Exploitation Theater]
  • [3G04] Blackenstein [Exploitation Theater]
  • [3G04] the Blunchblack of Blotre Blame [Exploitation Theater]
  • [4F17] Col. Dracula Joins the Navy
  • [5F13] The Return of the Pink Panther Returns
  • [5F24] Paint Your Wagon, a musical western
  • [AABF01] How Dracula got his Groove Back
  • [AABF04] Gorilla Squadron
  • [AABF04] Gorilla Island VI
  • [AABF04] Apes-a-Poppin'
  • [AABF05] Roger Corman's 'Titanic' [Thousand Dollar Movie]
  • [AABF17] The Postman
  • [DABF02] The Planet From Outer Space [Rain Delay Theatre]
  • [DABF18] Frankenstein movie with Humphrey Bogart
  • [EABF04] LifeTime Channel Movie: The Woman Who Died in Her Home
  • [EABF07] [Elvira look-alike] Welcome to Matinee of Blood and Commercials. I am your hostess Booberella.
  • [EABF07] Frankenstein and the Harlem Globetrotters meet the Mummy and the Washington Generals [1983 movie]
  • [EABF09] The Three Stooges in Brittle Boneheads by Jules White III
  • [EABF15] Editor-in-Chimp
  • [EABF15] Buttercups of Autumn
  • [FABF02] Prunes
  • [FABF02] The Year Santa Got Lost Starring Jimmy Stewart as the voice of Mr. Mailman
  • [FABF02] Mr. McGrew's Christmas Carol
  • [FABF20] Blacula Meets Black Dracula
  • [GABF06] Son of Satan (Elvira announces "we now return to..")
  • [JABF07] Ain't No Mountain: A Blind Man Climbs Everest, A Declan Desmond Documentary.
  • [JABF19] Announcer: We return to "A Kiss Before Frying" on Couch Potato Theatre
  • [KABF01] Sophie's Choice
  • [KABF01] Schindler's List
  • [LABF14] Springfield: The Zombie Years: On the Historical Channel (Billboard)
  • [LABF15] Highbrow Academy (with Rodney Dangerfield as a student)
• TV Programs
  "This is the largest TV in the free world." - Montgomery Burns, Last Exit to Springfield
  • [7G01] America's Most Armed and Dangerous
  • [7G04] All * Star Boxing
  • [7G07] Jebediah Springfield Documentary
  • [7G08] The Happy Little Elves
    • Elf Moldy
    • Elf County
    • Elf Bubbles
    • Elf Brainy
  • [7G12] Side Show Bob's Cavalcade of Whimsy
  • [7F02] Grade School Challenge
    • The capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
    • Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are red, white and what?
  • [7F06] World Class Wrestling
  • [7F07] Macy's Thanksgiving Parade featuring KBBL's Bill and Marty
  • [7F13] Make your own Band Aids
  • [7F13] The bout' to knock the other guy out
  • [7F13] Broadcast Nudes
  • [7F23] Canadian Football League 15th round Draft
  • [8F04] Search for the Sun
  • [8F04] Wheel of Fortune
  • [8F06] The Dawn of Man
  • [8F06] Fantasy Island "the plane! the plane!" "no my freakish friend, that's a seagull"
  • [8F07], [9F20] I Can't Believe They Invented It (Infomercial)
  • [8F11] Casey Casem's Countdown, Funky C Funky Do new #1
  • [8F12] Smooth Jimmy Apollo's Football Pics
  • [8F12] NFL Preview--"Shoe in of the week"
  • [8F12] Gamble-tron 2000 Football Predictions
  • [8F18] the Miss American Girl Pageant
  • [8F19] Ya Hoo!
  • [8F20] Dinosaurs "..don't have a stegosaurus man..."
  • [8F20] MacGyver
  • [8F24] Sadrudin Mabaradad's Yoga Party
    Guru: Just let your head flop back and forth, your neck is a well cooked piece of asparagus..
  • [8F24] President Clown
    Lisa, to Krusty: Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom "President Clown"?
  • [9F01] Three Stooges
    Woman: You must be the three chiropractors I sent for. Now, start manipulating my spine.
    Curly: Hey, Moe, we don't know anything about manipulatin'.
    Moe: You heard the lady. Grab her spine and get crackin'.
    
  • [9F01] Municipal Roundtable
    Well, let's define our terms, ladies and gentlemen. Are we talking about redistricting or are we talking about reapportionment?
  • [9F01] Football
    Oh, doctor. A 98-yard triple reverse ties the score at 63-63. We have seen nothing but razzle-dazzle here today. Three visits from Morganna the Kissing Bandit and the astonishing return of Jim Brown.
  • [9F03] the Master Craftsman, he can make 3 mailboxes an hour
  • [9F06] Hunks
    Emcee: Okay, Ron, which one of our girls said the following about you; "He looked so sexy, I hoped we would have sex"?
    Ron: Well, that's a tough one, 'cause I did the deed with Uta, Candy and Shasta.
    Girl: Its true all right!
    Ron: But I'm gonna have to go with Shasta 'cause she liked makin' bacon on the beach.
    
  • [9F07] Carnival of the Stars
    Troy: Live from Hawaii's beautiful Molokai Island We're not just for lepers anymore It's Carnival of the Stars! I'm your host, Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as The Erotic Adventures of Hercules and Dial "M" for Murderousness. Tonight we'll see Angela Lansbury walk on hot coals. Excitement, she wrote. But first, a man whose inspiring battle with Percodan addiction is soon to be a movie of the week - Krusty the Clown!
    Krusty: I'll be played by Jimmy Swits!
    Troy: Now he faces his toughest audience - three Siberian tigers.
    Krusty: Simba, on the ball! (all three attack him) Ahhhh! Not the face!
  • [9F07] Leave it to Beaver (Homer pretends he's Tony Plow to repo men)
  • [9F08] The Lucy Show (Homer confusing real life with The Lucy Show)
  • [9F08] Mama's Family
  • [9F08] 23rd Olympiad
  • [9F09] Cops in Springfield (to tune of "Bad Cops")
  • [9F09] People Who Look Like Things
  • [9F10] Springfield Heights, 90210
  • [9F12] Football
    Announcer: After 16 glorious seasons The Green Bay faithful bid farewell to Bryan Bartlett Starr.
  • [9F12] Wheel of Fortune
  • [9F12] Tuesday Night Live
    Krusty: Hello, New York! When Lorne asked me to do this show I said, "Lorne, why me?" I mean, I did just star in my first movie with Marvin Hagler and Tova Borgnine. Yeah! Anyway, we got a great show for you. Well, actually, that last half hour's a real garbage dump. We'll be right back.
    (later)
    Announcer: And now it's time for another episode of The Big Ear Family!
    Krusty: Honey, I'm home! Oh, I got wax in my ears. Better clean 'em.
    (dejectedly..) This goes on for 12 more minutes.
  • [9F12] Ren and Stimpy
  • [9F13] Krusty the Clown
    Krusty: Don't forget to watch my 29th anniversary show - featuring clips like this one of Sideshow Mel whacked out on wowee sauce... (clip) Sideshow Mel (to Krusty): Everyone's always kissing your ass. Well, I'm not afraid to tell you you're a [Bleep]
  • [9F13] Krusty the Clown
    Krusty: Hey boys and girls. Only four days till my anniversary show. Twenty-nine years. And when I came on, they said I wouldn't last a week. And you know where those reviewers are? All dead! How you doin' down there fellas? Huh? Huh? Anyway, here's a clip. (clip) (We see Krusty with a monkey on this head interviewing an animal handler) Krusty: Now why do they call this a urine monkey? Oohhh. Just found out.
  • [9F15] Professional Wrestling
    Announcer: Now stay tuned for professional wrestling live from the Springfield Grapplarium. Tonight, a Texas death match - Dr. Hillbilly vs. The Iron Yuppie! One man will actually be unmasked and killed in the ring!
  • [9F16] Cooking With Krusty
    Krusty: Mmm. Delicious! Cook: Now Krusty, I hear it's your birthday, so I got your mother's recipe for matzoh brie. Krusty: Hey, I don't do the Jewish stuff on the air. Cook: But Hershel, bubbeleh- Krusty: Ix-nay on the ew-Jay. Roll the cartoon.
  • [9F16] Happy Days
  • [9F19] The Springfield Squares
    Announcer: Live from the Springfield Harbor where the sewage meets the sand it's The Springfield Squares! Emcee Kent: Now, Jacqueline, I believe it's your turn. Jacqueline: I'll take Ranier Wolfcastle to block. Kent: Ah, Ranier Wolfcastle star of McBain and the upcoming film Help, My Son is a Nerd! Ranier: My son returns from a fancy East Coast college and I'm horrified to find he's a nerd. Kent: I'm laughing already! Ranier: It's not a comedy. Kent: Oh.
    Coast Guard: Attention! This is the Coast Guard! A 50-foot tidal wave is heading this way. All game shows off the beach!
  • [9F19] Krusty the Clown
    Krusty: So, you want ventriloquism, do ya? All right, watch this. Hello, Alphonse (to dummy on his lap). I've got a riddle for you. Why is a raven like a writing desk? Alphonse: I don't know. Why is a -- (his mouth falls off) (kids scream) Krusty: Hey, the dummy can't hurt you. He's not even alive. He's dead. (knocks on him to show he's dead and his head caves in, kids scream again)
  • [9F19] Krusty the Clown
    Krusty: All right, here's the deal. Every time you watch my show I will send you $40! Announcer: Checks will not be honored.
  • [9F19] the Gabbo Show
  • [9F19] Worker and Parasite cartoon
  • [9F19] Krusty attempts to get a part on Melrose Place
  • [9F20] Emergency Announcement From the Mayor
    And now for an emergency announcement from the mayor. Quimby: People of Springfield, because of the epidemic I have canceled my vacation to the Bahamas. I shall not leave the city. Hey you, get that steel drum out of uh, the mayor's office. Bahamanian: Sorry, mon.
  • [9F20] Married With Children
    Al: Hey Peg, You gotta take better care of the house. These plants are all lifeless and limp. Peg: Maybe they'd feel more at home in the bedroom, Al.
  • [9F20] Homer: But I'll miss Sheriff Lobo.
  • [9F20] Mod Squad
  • [9F21] the Joan Rivers Show
  • [1F01] Barney, 2 + 2 is 4
  • [1F01] Soul Mass Transit System
  • [1F03] Edward the Penitent
  • [1F05] McGarnigle "Your off the Case McGarnigle"
  • [1F11] Conan O'Brian Show
  • [1F11] Matchgame 2034
  • [1F19] McGarnigle "Billy is Dead"
  • [1F19] the dog from Frazier rides the dolphin from Seaquest
  • [1F22] We see a melted MASH cast at the Springfield Wax Museum
  • [2F02] Springfield Mayoral Debates, hosted by Larry King
  • [2F06] Rock Bottom
  • [2F06] Gentle Ben
  • [2F06] the Sally talk show
  • [2F06] David Letterman show
  • [2F06] Evening at the Improv
  • [2F08] Marge repeatedly dreams she's the mother from Lost in Space
  • [2F10] Knightboat vs. the Starfish Poachers
    Announcer: We now return to Knightboat: The Crime-solving Boat. Michael: Faster, Knightboat. We've gotta catch those starfish poachers. Knightboat: You don't have to yell, Michael. I'm all around you. Oh no, they're headed for land. Michael: We'll never catch them now. Knightboat: Incorrect. Look, a canal.
  • [2F18] Models Inc.
  • [2F16], [2F20] Pardon My Zinger
  • [2F21] Cops Show, disturbance at the Skinner residence
  • [2F31] Coming Attractions examines Death Wish IX, "I wish I was dead"
  • [3F01] My Three Sons
    Flanders: I use to let the boys watch My Three Sons but it got tham all worked up before bedtime.
  • [3F01] Search for the Sun
    Southern Belle: According to Daddy's will, I inherit the entire plantation.
    Man: I'll see to it that you don't get apricot one.
  • [3F06] Melrose Place
  • [3F07] It's a Krusty kinda Kristmas!
  • [3F09] Grand Nationals of Sand Castle Building Preview
  • [3F12] Mad About You
    (advertisement on bus) Are You Missing Mad About You Right Now? NBC -- Must See TV Sundays at 8
  • [3F16] I'm an Amendment to Be [I'm just a Bill parody]
  • [3G02] Twin Peaks
    Man: That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie.
    (we see a man dancing with a horse, crescent moon in background, stoplight hanging from a tree.)
  • [4F03] Tatum vs. Simpson: Payback
  • [4F24] When Building Collapse
  • [4F24] When Surgery goes Wrong
  • [5F05] Springfield's Dumbest Criminals
  • [5F10] Spanish Soap Opera
  • [5F15] Bart's People
  • [5F15] The Mattel and Mars Bar Quick Chocobot Hour
  • [5F22] When Disaster Strikes 4
  • [AABF01] World's Deadliest Executions
  • [AABF01] the Jerry Springer Show
  • [AABF03] Seaweed Shark Documentary
  • [AABF04] Inside the Actor's Studio with F. Murray Abraham
  • [AABF04] Sumo Babies [200th episode]
  • [AABF07] Don't Go There [sitcom]
  • [AABF07] Tele-Tubbies
  • [AABF07] Talk to the Hand [starring David Faustino]
  • [AABF08] a Superbowl show [bi-weekly]
  • [AABF09] America's Funniest Tornados
  • [AABF09] All in the Family
  • [AABF09] The Laughter Family [animated show]
  • [AABF09] Admiral Baby
  • [AABF09] Police Cops
  • [AABF12] When Animals Attack Magicians
  • [AABF15] Toolin' Around
  • [AABF17] Cash in Your Legacy
  • [AABF18] Ethnic Mismatch Comedy #644!
  • [AABF18] Princess Di's Funeral
  • [AABF20] Happy Smile Super Challenge Family Wish Show
  • [CABF10] Me Wantee ["America's favorite game show!"]
  • [CABF11] ..the Estrogen Network presents: Afternoon Yak
  • [CABF12] Great Moments in Olympic History
  • [CABF16] Kids Say the Darndest Things [with Bill Cosby]
  • [CABF22] Wrestling "Dr. Bonebreak & Rumblina"
  • [DABF01] First Date
  • [DABF04] Nookie in New York
  • [DABF05] Afternoon Yak
  • [DABF06] Curling for Loonies
  • [DABF07] Documentary on the homeless
  • [DABF07] McTrigger
  • [DABF13] When Dinosaurs Get Drunk
  • [DABF13] The Boring World of Niels Bohr
  • [DABF16] Frame Up!
  • [DABF18] Batman
  • [DABF18] Bewitched
  • [DABF20] Animal Survivor
  • [DABF20] Touch the Stove
  • [DABF20] Japanese Friends
  • [DABF20] Who Wants to Marry an Internet Billionaire
  • [DABF20] Robot Rumble
  • [DABF21] The 1895 Challenge
  • [DABF21] Law & Order Elevator Inspectors Unit
  • [DABF22] MTC - Monkey Trauma Center
  • [DABF22] Taxicab Conversations
  • [EABF01] That 30's Show
  • [EABF02] Wrestling;
    Announcer: I can't believe it! Uncle Slam has defeated Uncle Bin Rotten. Wow! Here comes Secretary of Hate, Colin Kapow! He's dropping sanctions... by which I mean anvils!
  • [EABF03] PADZ - "..where we go inside the mansions of today's hot young celebrities!"
  • [EABF05] Perfect Strangers
  • [EABF06] And now... Ken Burns.. A Documentary by Ken Burns.. about the life of Ken Burns
  • [EABF06] Monkey Olympics [on Fox!]
  • [EABF09] Fox News Election Coverage;
    Welcome to Fox News. Your Voice for Evil. Tonight we'll be interviewing the top two candidates for Springfield's 24th congressional district. For the Republicans? Beloved children's entertainer, Krusty the Clown. And for the Democrats, this guy. [Democratic candidate appears with on-screen devil's horns, communist flag in background]
    Candidate: I have a name!
    Fox: Yes, I'm sure you do, comrade. I appreciate your being here, you're [switches to split shot of both candidates, and Krusty has an on-screen halo] usually so mired in sleaze it must be an effort to come down to the studio.
    Krusty: May I say something?
    Fox: Certainly congressman. [switches to split shot of both candidates, and other guy is now upside down]
    Candidate: He hasn't won yet!!
    Fox: You make a very adulterous point! We will now conclude this debate with a Krusty campaign commercial..
  • [EABF14] Live With Regis and Kelly
  • [EABF15] South Park
  • [EABF15] Good Heavens [on PAX-TV]
  • [EABF17] The Beverly Hillbillies Down Under
  • [EABF22] Damn
  • [FABF01] The Homer Simpson Show [with Moe Szyslak, Carl and Lenny Leonard]
  • [FABF02] We see Urkel in a parody of Christmas Carol
  • [FABF02] Star Trek doing a parody of Christmas Carol
  • [FABF03] The Gator Baiter
  • [FABF03] Dollhouse Do-Overs
    Malibu Stacy wants a craft room. And Malibu Hen needs a closet for all his beach thongs. They'll get help from designer Jeremy on...
  • [FABF03] Who will Marry a Million Bears "Bobby, I got propane in my urethra."
  • [FABF03] Roofi
  • [FABF04] Robot Rumble "Are You Machine Enough?"
  • [FABF07] The Museum of Television and TV
    • Wheezy from The Jeffersons (and episode closes with theme from The Jeffersons)
    • Paul Lynde, Helen Reddy, Hudson Brothers Easter Special
    • Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched
    • Mr. Roper from Three's Company
    • Milhouse rides wheelchair from Ironside
    • Milhouse knocks down Lancelot Link the monkey from Lancelot Link/Secret Chimp
    • Milhouse knocks down the Lost in Space robot
    • The K.I.T.T. car from Knight Rider
    • Salam the black cat on "Sabrina, The Teen-Aged Witch."
    • Mr. Ed the horse from Mr. Ed
    • Milhouse: Let's go switch the heads on the Cosby kids
    • Jethro and Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies
  • [FABF15] Promiscuous Idiots Island "Welcome back to Promiscuous Idiots Island on Fox, the home of promiscuous idiots"
  • [FABF15] Robot Rumble on the Testosterone Network
  • [FABF17] Head Butt With Nash Castor
  • [FABF19] Next on ABC, "Who's dropping by to see George Lopez" - we pray it's you!
  • [FABF22] The Talbot Report
  • [GABF02] Jock Center:
    Welcome to Jock Center. Tonight the clipper and the stripper, a Jones that's chipper and did Joe Torre shoot flipper? (Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe, Chipper Jones and Joe Torre) But first professional sports continues its downward march into the gutter. Thanks to professional jerk-ass Homer Simpson athletes are now taunting and boasting just to get on our highlight reel. Disgusting. Now, here's our highlight reel!
  • [GABF02] Super Bowl:
    Announcer: The Super Bowl halftime show. From its humble origins in Super Bowl I... (we see a lone tuba on the field) ...to the marriage of PacMan and Ms. PacMan in Super Bowl XVI...
    Priest: I now pronounce you PacMan and wife. (we see PacMan, Ms. PacMan and the four ghosts, who then dance to "Let's Get Phsyical")
  • [GABF03] Shows seen when SLH swallows the remote: Football (Announcer: "...and with time running out the Seminoles are on the warpath! Here's the play that will determine the game..) (channel switches) Stay tuned for Sitcom Sunday (channel changes) Rueda De Fortuna! [Wheel of Fortune] (channel changes) Announcer: We return to Mel Gibson's The Salad of the Christ on Christian Carrot Theatre (channel changes) Itchy & Scratchy (channel changes) Tornado seen (channel changes) Golfing (channel changes) Rapster with two bikini ladies "Hip-Hoppenings"
  • [GABF04] Soft News Network: So, kitchen wizard, I understand you have a book coming out. Yes, it's about Winston Churchill's life during wars. Up next on the Soft News Network, let's hear from our own wide eyed wanderer, Howell Huser. Howell Huser: I've ambled and rambled across this country and never found a town I didn't like - until now. And the name of that town is Springfield. I was attacked, humiliated, and fed misleading gum. I give Springfield the lowest rating I've ever given a city - a 6 out of 10.
  • [GABF07] Wifetime TV Presents: From Homemaker to Homeless
  • [GABF14] Krusty The Klown's Celebrity Salute to Specials
  • [GABF15] Celebrity Chop Shop
  • [GABF16] Bonanza
  • [GABF16] Sesame Street
  • [GABF17] The World Series: Announcer: We're here in game six of the World Series, the highlight so far a cloud shaped like a giraffe that floated by during the rain delay. Oh! Would you look at that! The batter just called time out again! Now let's look at the stands at the players' wives. Well, what do you know, they're talking on cell phones. No doubt complaining about the good life. Kang: This is the most boring game in all the universe! Announcer: ..and next week on FOX catch the OC spin-off Pomona. It's even hotter away from the beach!
  • [GABF17] "Baked in a Pie" Tuesdays on Fox
  • [GABF18] Football: Announcer: We got a real nail biter here in mile high stadium, the Broncos down by one and 30 seconds left on the clock.
    Homer: Come on, Broncos, you can do it!
    Announcer: And I'm joined in the broadcast booth by the stars of ABC's latest reality show Billionaire vs. Bear. Let's review the easy to follow rules of your show. Each of you thought you were in a race to plant the Taco Bell flag at the North Pole. What you didn't know was the race was a chase. Spiced up by the presence of 'The big traitor?' Well now, the bear has a surprise for you. He's not really a bear, he's a tiger! Ho, look at there, Denver just won the ballgame!
    Screen: FINAL SCORE  Broncos - 19  Seahawks - 14
  • [GABF18] Billionaire vs. Bear (Promo during football game)
  • [GABF18] Football: Announcer: "...and with 30 seconds starting players out with the flu the Oakland Raiders have turned to drunks conscripted from local bars.
  • [GABF19] The OC on FOX
  • [GABF22] Has-Been Celebrity Poker
  • [GABF22] Fox Sports West II - Classic Sports
  • [HABF01] Energizer Bunny Christmas Special
  • [HABF02] Diversity Tales
  • [HABF03] The Bully Corner
  • [HABF07] Los Voces Latinos
  • [HABF09] Boobs
  • [HABF09] Jock Center
  • [HABF09] 48 Minutes
  • [HABF14] Matinee of Blood and Commercials (with Boobarella aka Elvira)
  • [HABF16] Hunch
  • [HABF22] Opal: Welcome back. Today we're celebrating women who didn't waste their lives being mommies.
  • [JABF07] Growing Up Springfield
  • [MOVIE1] Access Hollywood
  • [JABF15] The 700 Club (Ned reviews tape and places tape on "nice" pile)
  • [JABF15] Smallville (Ned Flanders reviews for questionable content.)
  • [JABF15] 60 Minutes (Ned Flanders reviews for questionable content.)
  • [JABF15] The L-Word (Ned Flanders reviews for questionable content)
  • [JABF15] Fox News:
    This is Fox News with the latest liberal outrage! It seems liberals want to give NASA the right to abort space missions whenever they feel like it! (interrupted) Liberals hate families.
  • [JABF17] The Opal Show
  • [KABF01] Now Playing on Tivo
  • [KABF01] Afternoon Yak
  • [KABF01] Snuggle and the City
  • [KABF01] The Dog Talk-To-Er
  • [KABF01] Pimp My Laundry Room
  • [KABF01] Opal
  • [KABF01] Lost
  • [KABF01] Rome
  • [KABF01] Two and a Half Men
  • [KABF07] Captain Kiddies Comfort Carnival: The Happy Little Elves
  • [KABF08] Miami Vice (imitated, name not stated)
    Murdered woman in blood lying near a pool, palm trees in background, two detectives kneeling by;
    Detective 1: ...but I don't understand. How could he have murdered his wife if he was making a phone call 3,000 miles away?
    Detective 2: Well maybe he reached out... and killed someone.
    Bart: I saw this. He trained his dog to do it.
    
  • [KABF08] ET
    Anchor: Up next, which former Friends star is speaking out against adult illiteracy.
    Bart: It's Lisa Kudrow.
    
  • [KABF08] Friends (just referenced, see above!))
  • [KABF08] The Sweet Life of Zach and Cody
  • [KABF10] Trans-Clown-O-Morphs (parody of Transformers)
  • [KABF10] Golf
    Justin Leonard lines up the putt. This is for par, and a share of sixth place.
  • [KABF12] The Epsy Awards
    Announcer: Welcome back to the Espy Awards. Our next presenters are Lance Armstrong and Fonzie Bear. Fonzie: Waka-waka-waka! Lance: That's right Fonzie. This years Right Guard Keeping Cool Under Pressure Award goes to... Fonzie: Hey Lance, nice trousers. Did you win those at the Tour-de-Pants? Waka-waka! Lance: Yeah, well, I never thought you were funny. Ever. (Yanks puppet off hand) Puppeteers hand: Waka-waka. Waka-waka? Lance: Anyway, The Right Guard Keeping Cool Under Pressure Award goes to..
  • [KABF13] Springfield Showbiz Awards
    Announcer: Welcome to the 38th annual Springfield Showbiz Awards. There are more stars here tonight than you can see in the sky, thanks to light pollution. Here comes the magnificiously mammaried mistress of midnight movie mayhem Bobarella. The twins look happy tonight! And what do we (have) here, its ventriloquist Arthur Kredall and his walnut wingman Gabbo! Gabbo, to photographers: Get a job, parasites! (laughs) Announcer: We now come to our final award, Entertainer of The Year. An award so prestigious, that it recently won the Award of the Year Award at the 2007 Awardee Awards. This years nominees are an eclectic group,...
  • [KABF13] Are You Fatter Than a Fat Guy?
  • [KABF13] The Lisa Show
  • [KABF13] Last Gasp With Krusty the Clown!
  • [LABF06] Hockey game: Springfield Isotopes vs. Utica Mohawks at Utica's Kill-Kwik Rat Poison Arena
  • [LABF06] Picking the Perfect Apple
  • [LABF12] The Drowningest Catch
    Announcer: Coming up, on The Drowningest Catch.. (they show two men falling overboard..)
  • [LABF16] General Hospital
    Moe: There sure is a lot of talking for a professional fight.
    Lenny: That's what you get when fight a woman.
    Carl: Yap, yap, yap.
    Lenny: And they spend all day eating bonbons and watching General Hospital.
    Which by the way has never been better (takes a bonbon).
    
• Commercials
  • [7G03] Duff Beer
  • [7G04] Dr. Marvin Monroe's Family Therapy Center
  • [7F01] Vote C. Montgomery Burns
  • [7F02] Dimoxinil Hair treatment;
    I used to think that losing my hair was as inevitable as the tides. Then I found out about Dimoxinil, the new miracle breakthrough in hair regrowth. The odds are Dimoxinil can help me grow as much or as little hair as I want to. Hey, today I'm gonna do it. For your free brochure, send $5.00 to: Dimoxinil, 485 Hair Plaza, Hair City, Utah
  • [7F06] Springfield Speedway, Truckasaurus
  • [7F09] 67 tools in one!
    It's a tool that every home handyman needs. It's a jigsaw. It's a power drill. It's a wood-turning lathe. It's an asphalt spreader. Its 67 tools in one! How much would you pay for a machine that can do all this? Homer: One thousand dollars! Announcer: Oh don't answer yet. Because you also get... [Marge changes channel]
  • [7F23] Springfield Martial Arts Academy
    Hello, I am Akira. Huahh!! That didn't hurt very much because I know the ancient art of karate. Karate focuses the mind and gives one self-confidence. People from all walks of life: Doctors.. Hi-Yaah! Homemakers.. Hu-yaah! Landscape architects.. Hu-yaah! Choreographers...Haww. High karate at low, low prices. Washington's Birthday Sale! $10 a Lesson. Washington: I cannot tell a lie. This is a great deal. Hohh! Springfield Martial Arts Academy, Springfield Mall, Next to Shakespeare's Fried Chicken
  • [8F07] Duff Beer Commercial
  • [8F11] Super Star Celebrity Microphone
    Hey kids, why sit in front of the TV when you can be on the radio?
  • [8F12] Coach's Hotline 1-909-win-bigg
  • [8F12] Duff vs. Duff Dry Bowl
  • [8F17] State Lottery
  • [8F24] Kamp Krusty
  • [9F02] Little Miss Springfield Pageant
    Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee! (Father tossing daughter in the air)
    Father: I guess every father thinks his daughter is the cutest.
    Jack Larson: Well now there's a way to prove it.
    Father: Wow, president of Laramie Cigarettes, Jack Larson!
    Jack Larson: This year, Laramie is sponsoring the Little Miss Springfield Pageant. You see, government regulations prohibit us from advertising on TV. [Inhales a cigarette and exhales] Ahh.... That sweet Caroline smoke. But they can't prohibit us from holding a beauty pageant for little girls age seven to nine. Your daughter could be crowned Little Miss Springfield by our host the maitre'd of glee, Krust the Clown! Krusty, monotone: I heartily endorse this event or product.
    Winning girl: What a feeling! I'm as happy as a smoker taking that first puff in the morning.
    Announcer: The Little Miss Springfield Pageant. Only $250 to enter.
    
  • [9F06] Frying Dutchman
    Captain McAllister: Ahoy, Matees! Had your fill of tacos? Would ye sooner eat a bilge rat than another burger? Then come for all-you-can-eat seafood at The Frying Dutchman!
    Is it more ice tea ye be needing? Diner: Okay.
    Set sail for the Frying Dutchman!
  • [9F07] Sea Chanteys
    Ninety Sea Chanteys on three compact discs
    Act Now and get a bonus CD. Hornpipe Fever.
    
    • Blow the Man Down
    • What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor
    • Dead Man's Chest
    • Asleep in the Deep
    • Row Row Row Your Boat
    • The Flogging Song
    • Love Theme from Das Boat [sic]
    • In The Navy
    • Sink The Bismarck
    • Columbia, Gem of the Ocean
  • [9F07] Mr. Plow
    Marge: Gasp! Our driveways snowed in! Bart and Lisa: Old Man Winter!
    Grampa: (Laughing) That's right. I fill your driveways with ice and snow. What are you going to do about it? Nothin'. That's what. Homer: Stop! Together: Mr. Plow! Homer: Get out, you lousy... season.
    Grampa: All right, I'm going. My head hurts, I have to lie down for a while. Together: Yea!
    Homer: Hello. I'm Mr. Plow. Are you tired of having your hands cut off by snowblowers? And the inevitable heart attacks that come with shoveling snow? Bart and Lisa: Uh-huh. Homer: Then call Klondike 5-3226. Call now and receive a free T-shirt. Lisa: But I'm a real tightwad. Can I afford this remarkable system? Homer: Absolutely. Mr prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage. Bart: You are fully bonded and licensed by the city, aren't you, Mr. Plow? Homer, under breath: Shut up, boy. So remember! Call Mr. Plow, That's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow.
  • [9F07] the Plow King
  • [9F09] Dr. Nick Rivera's $129.95 Operation Special
    Dr. Nick: Hi everybody! Are you looking for a way to slash the cost of your medical expenses? I will perform any operation for 129.95. Come in for brain surgery and receive a free Chinese finger trap! (to patient struggling: Okay, friend.) You tried the best. Now try the rest! Call 1-600-DOCTORB. The "B" is for bargain!
  • [9F10] Truckasaurus: The Movie
    Announcer: Coming Soon: Truckasaurus: The Movie Starring Marlo Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus Marlo Brando: You crazy car. I don't know whether to eat you or kiss you. Announcer: Celebrity voice impersonated.
  • [9F10] Lyle Lanley's Institute for Monorail Conductors
    Lyle Langley: Are you stuck in a dead-end job? Are you squandering the precious gift of life in front of the idiot box? Are you on your third beer of the evening? Well, maybe its time you joined the exciting field of monorail conducting by enrolling at the Lanley institute. Announcer: Actual institute may not match photo.
  • [9F11] Duff Gardens
    Announcer: Hey, Lance Murdock you just jumped 16 blazing school buses. What are you going to do now? Lance: I'm goin' to Duff Gardens! Announcer: Duff Gardens! Home of the Whiplash! (Voiceover: To be completed in 1994) Announcer: ..and the Washing Machine! See the happiest fish in the world at our fabulous Beerquarium!
  • [9F11] Duff Gardens
    Come to Duff Gardens. Where roaming gangs aren't a big problem anymore. Now featuring the clean-shaven sounds Hooray for Everything. Group: Hey, kids! Take a walk on the wild side!
  • [9F12] Bigger Brothers
    Announcer: Lost your dad? Boy: Uh-huh. Announcer: He's not coming back, is he? Boy: He might. Announcer: No, he's not. But at Bigger Brothers, we can help. BIGGER BROTHERS KL5-2233
  • [9F14] Duff Brewery tour shows Duff Commercial from 1950's
    Doctor cartoon character: Only Duff fills your Q-zone with pure beer goodness. So drink up... and up!... and up! (He blasts off) Duff Beer. Proud sponsors of the Amos 'N' Andy Show
  • [9F14] Duff Brewery tour shows Duff Commercial from early 1960
    Nixon: Well, I would suggest, Mr. Vanocur, that, uh, if you knew the President, uh, that that was just a facetious remark. (A now a word from our sponsor) Kennedy: I would like to take this opportunity to express my fondness for Duff Beer. Nixon: I'd, uh, also like to express *my* fondness for that particular beer.
  • [9F14] Duff Beer Commercial
  • [9F17] Public Service Announcement
    Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
  • [9F19] Gabbo teaser commercial
  • [9F19] Gabbo!
    Gabbo: Hello. I'm Gabbo. Arthur: And I'm Arthur Crandall. Gabbo: That's easy for you to say. You don't have a hand up your tuchas. Oy! Hey! Arthur: Oh, Gabbo. You'll say anything. And you can watch us every afternoon at 4:00. Gabbo: I'm a bad widdle boy.
  • [1F02] Announcer: Finally, the great taste of Worcester sauce, in a soft drink.
  • [1F05] Infomercial, Adjusting Your Self-O-Stat
  • [1F07] Just do it.....examine your scalp for ringworms [other N.R.A.]
  • [1F10] Bite back with Kent Brockman's Community watch unit
  • [1F12] Buzz Cola
  • [2F02] Vote for Mayor Quimby, for Mayor
    Without a Mayor Quimby
    Our town would really stink
    We wouldn't have a tire yard
    Or mid sized roller rink
    We wouldn't have our gallows
    Or shiny bigfoot trap
    It's not the mayor's fault
    that the stadium collapsed!
    Announcer: Quimby: if you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you.
    Paid for by the Mayor Quimby for Mayor Mayoral Committee
    
  • [2F02] Vote Side Show Bob for Mayor
  • [2F14] Classy Joe's Limo driver employment
  • [3F02] Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag
  • [3F07] BoneStorm
  • [3F17] Infomercial, Real Estate Hypnosis
  • [3G02] Frutopia, brewed by hippies, but distributed by a heartless multi-national corporation
  • [3G04] Navel Reserve--the 17th line of defense
  • [5F01] Continental Soccer Association
  • [5F10] Canyonero Sport Utility
  • [5F16] Infomercial--Power Sauce
  • [AABF02] Burns directs an SNPP commercial - an Alan Smithee Film
  • [AABF05] Sci-Fi convention commercial
  • [AABF07] the movie "Bloodening"
  • [AABF07] [at the drive-in] "Let's Go Out to the Lobby"
  • [AABF08] The Catholic Church: We've made a few changes
  • [AABF15] BBQ Pit Kit infomercial
  • [AABF18] `How low will you go' contest
  • [DABF02] Orbit King Rocket Kit
  • [DABF17] Homer's Spring Shield commercial
  • [EABF03] Turbo Diary
    Girls! Don't let this happen to you. Get the Turbo Diary from Girltech. No one can read your secrets. Except you! [Computer voice] Unauthorized user. Access denied! [holder is shocked] Girltech is a division of BOYTECH.
  • [EABF05] Baby Stink Breath - Baby So Fresh Tri-Pad System [starring Bart!]
  • [EABF05] Viagra-Gain [voice over: Possible side effects include loss of scalp and penis.]
  • [EABF07] Apu Back to School Parking Lot Blowout
  • [EABF07] Krusty Burger
  • [EABF09] You're watching Channel 6, Springfield's home of Krusty the Clown. Now on 3 times a day! Because on channel 6... we have nothing else.
  • [EABF09] Krusty campaign commercial
    [Music opens with patriotic soaring horns, then man singing ballad "When a Man Loves his Country, like Krusty loves America.."] Opens with fisherman in front of a wilderness river; Switches to farmer on tractor passing over a field of wheat; Grandma rolling out dough making apple pies observed by pigtailed girl; Mountain scene with wild horses; Couple in each other's arms entering a covered bridge to cross a stream.; Kids playing baseball; Krusty with dog in front of the fireplace;
    Announcer: Krusty the Clown. The man from funny.
    Krusty: I've brought laughter to your homes, three days a week, 18 weeks a year, for twelve of the past twenty-five years. But whenever America has needed me, I've been there.
    Switches to shot of Krusty planting flag on the moon; Four Krusty's doing the flag-raising at Iwo Jima; Krusty standing in front of tank in Tiananmen Square; Krusty at the assassination of Lee Harvey Oswald; "Photographs have been modified to include Krusty"
  • [EABF14] Duff Beer Commercial
    Duff rocket appears outside International Space Station. It docks and in floats four bottles of Duff, four cans of Duff, Suds McDuff [Santa's Little Helper] and four bikini clad space girls. A rocket tray delivers a tray of 40 Duff's to the astronauts.
    Announcer: Duff; The official beer of NASA. The National Association of Sellers of Alcohol.
  • [FABF03] Mother Against "Families Come First"
    [Mother unpacking groceries from a station wagon, two children helping] As a mother, I love my family. That's why I'm against the Families Come First initiative. Families Come First will hurt families..and I love my family too much for that. Mother Against "Families Come First" [now we see a Fake Marge Simpson, blue wig, green dress, square red bead necklace] I'm Marge Simpson. And even I'm against Families Come First. Now it's time to do some coke off the blade of a knife!
  • [FABF03] Families Come First
    Homer: You probably heard a lot bad things about "Families Come First". But newspaper writers are a bunch of jerks. Who really opposes "Families Come First"? Many childless advocates are like Ben Affleck, famous successful people from (leans into camera) OUT OF STATE. They live in fancy houses in other places (we see the Taj Mahal, Eiffel Tower). "Families Come First" is supported by lifelong Springfieldians you know and trust, like me! (photo of Homer shown), Milhouse's Dad, Bumblebee Man, Surly Duff, and the jerk that goes "yeeeeeeees?" For more information, visit our web site www.aljazeera.com. We're not affiliated, we're just piggy-backing on their message board. I am Rudy Giuliani (repeat).. Yes on 232.
  • [FABF15] Tour of Farmer Billy's Bacon Factory
  • [FABF21] Ronco Change Magician
    Too much change around the house have you down? "Help me Ronco Change Magician!" The change Magician will change your life.. for the better! Results may vary. Machine does not actually sort change. Order today!
  • [GABF02] Boy: Grandpa, will you take me fishing? Grandpa: Sorry Jimmy. Your Grandma and I are going to have old people sex. Thank you Jammitin!
  • [GABF13] Krusty's Li'l Starmaker Singing Competition
  • [HABF03] Smoke Damage Outlet Store
  • [JABF13] Nappien
    Announcer: Are you counting sheep all night long? (Writing on sheep: Mortgage, Car Problems, Secret Other Family, Strange Lump) Sheep then says "He needs help." "Help from a drug." Announcer: That help is here. Meet Nappien. Nappien activates your brain's napping centers and attacks your bodies awakeagens and unlike Sleepia, it won't cause foot fattening or elbow stink.
  • [JABF15] Landing Strip
    Can fifteen strippers run their own airline? Find out tonight on Fox's newest reality hit, Landing Strip!
  • [JABF17] Mop Commercial
    That's why this is the only mop endorsed by me, former NFL draft pick Brian Lee.
  • [JABF17] Yes on 87
    Frog: So Tell those idiots in the state capitol to let Union Carbide do their thing. Announcer: Paid for by cartoon frogs for wetlands destruction.
  • [JABF17] Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts
    Howdy Folks. Are you tired of family arguments over where to go for dinner? Why not try Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts? The rib joint with something for everyone. We got ribs, flying noodles, with butter, Texas tofu, and the easiest place mat puzzle in the state.
  • [MOVIE1] The New Grand Canyon
    Announcer: Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
    Father, in monotone: Here we are, kids - the Grand Canyon.
    Daughter: It's so old and boring. I want a new one. Now!
    Tom Hanks: Hello. I'm Tom Hanks. The U.S. Government has lost its credibility so its borrowing some of mine.
    Son: Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks.
    Tom: Sure thing, son. Now I'm please to tell you about the new Grand Canyon. Coming this weekend. It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capitol City. It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks saying if you're going to pick a government to trust, why not this one?
    
  • [KABF03] Republican Ad During Springfield Primary
    Announcer: (showing map of US) Who should America elect in 2008? Former Governor Vincent Aleppo said in the New York Times "I will protect the Nation from attack" but in that same issue of the New York Times they also printed an article about terrorist leader Nousaf al Moustaffi. "And ye shall judge them by the company they keep".
  • [KABF03] Ralph Wiggum for President
    The following is a paid political announcement by the Republican and Democratic party. Compassionate. Tough. Curious. These are all words Ralph Wiggum doesn't know. But he doesn't need to know them. He lives them everyday. Lenny: I'm voting Ralph for President. His easy smile makes me think everything is OK. Even when I know it ain't! Clinton: I'm voting for Ralph too. But don't tell you know who. Announcer: On November 4th, vote for the latest in a long line of great American leaders. Ralph: I want a tricycle. And a dog who won't chew my Hot Wheels. And a brighter future for America! I'm Ralph Wiggum, and I've been a good boy! RALPH WIGGUM: PICK A WINNER
  • [KABF08] Chazz Busby Ballet Academy
    Chazz Busby: See that? That's talent. Think you got it? You don't. Cause only I can teach it, and I ain't taught you, so you don't. Chazz Busby Ballet Academy is coming to Springfield. Auditions are Monday, callbacks are Tuesday, Wednesday you see I'm a heartless bastard, Thursday you realize you love me dammit, Friday we're closed. (Talking to ballerinas practicing on commercial) You're fired! You're her. Jump. Dance. Love.
  • [LABF06] Prying Eyes
    Announcer: When you leave your children.. do you really know whom you're leaving them with? Babysitter: Your little angels are safe with me. Enjoy your second honeymoon! Babysitter to girl: You! Wash me unmentionables. Babysitter to boy: And you!..pre-heat the oven for two children at 450. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Announcer: When you can't be there, Prying Eyes survellance can! We take images from your camera, scramble them, beam them to our orbiting satellite, unscramble them, then scramble them again, then unscramble them that all important final time - our competitors claim we scramble out images too much. We say, can you love your children too much? The only thing better than prying-eye watching your children is YOU watching your children. And we *know* that's not going to happen.
  • [LABF12] Krusty Burger Mother Nature Burger
    Krusty: It's a new world out there. People care about their health for some reason. We know times have changed, and we at Krusty Burger want to take advantage of that. Introducing the Mother Nature Burger. Made from 100% wheat-fed barley. And now to take a yummy bite. (They zoom in on a bite that is obviously not Krusty) Mmmm. Tastes like a healthy future!
• [2F17] Channel Surfing
  • 17 different Channels, 17 different syllables
  • Ev, er, y, one, is, ta, king, a, bout, Ra, di, o, ac, tive, Ma, an, yah!
  • David Letterman says "Ev"
  • Scott Christian [ch. 6 news] says "er"
  • Classic Krusty show says "y"
  • Smartline show says "one"
  • Brad Goodman says "is"
  • a news woman (?) at the comic book store says "tal"
  • a news man says "king"
  • the Financial channel news says "a"
  • the Hear Me Roar network show says "bout"
  • news show interviewing Lenny says "ra"
  • news show in front of Springfield Elementary says "di"
  • the Sally talk show says "o"
  • Birch Barlow says "ac"
  • the Springfield news says "tive"
  • Joan Rivers show says "ma"
  • Conan O'Brian show [with Funky C Funky Do] says "an"
  • another unknown news cast says "yah!"
• TV Channels
  • [7F13] Springfield Cable has 68 channels
  • [7G03] Loaftime. The cable network for the unemployed.
  • [7F07] TV 6 NEWS - KWZ
  • [7F13] Top Hat Channel
  • [7F13] Sports Pay Per View Channel
  • [7F13] Hear Me Roar, Network for women
  • [7F13] MTV
  • [7F13] VH1
  • [7F13] Arts & Crafts Channel
  • [7F24] TV6NEWS truck drives away from Michael Jackson event.
  • [8F09] Financial Channel
  • [9F07] Channel 92
  • [9F14] Fox Network
  • [9F19] KBBL TV
  • [1F01] Burns says he has taken over all 78 channels
  • [1F03] Public Television Station
  • [1F05] Channel 77
  • [1F14] Flanders Satellite Dish has over 230 channels locked out
  • [1F21] IBN, Impulse Buying Network
  • [2F06] Channel 3: Public Access, Home of the Bizarre Rant
  • [2F15] CNNBCBS [a division of ABC]
  • [2F20] Comedy Central
  • [2F20] WMEX (Satellite van driven by Bumblebee Man)
  • [3F08] Channel 3
  • [3F08] Channel Ocho [8]
  • [3F08] Channel 11
  • [3F08] Channel 6
  • [3F12] NBC
  • [3G02] WB [Warner Brothers] Network
  • [3G03] ESPN
  • [5F02] NBC
  • [5F02] CBS
  • [AABF03] the Learning Channel
  • [AABF07] [Jasper says] 200 channels and nothing but cats
  • [DABF04] BHO [takeoff on HBO]
  • [DABF18] The History Channel
  • [DABF20] The Clock Channel
  • [DABF20] Church Channel
  • [DABF21] The Reality Channel
  • [EABF04] LifeTime Channel
  • [EABF06] Fox
  • [EABF09] Channel 6
  • [EABF09] Fox News
  • [EABF15] PAX-TV
  • [EABF21] Copter News 6
  • [FABF02] HGTV
  • [FABF04], [FABF15] Testosterone Network
  • [FABF18] Channel 6 Still in English A Division of Burns Media
  • [FABF22] Channel 6 News
  • [FABF22] Channel 11 News
  • [FABF22] KBBL News
  • [FABF22] ABC
  • [FABF22] CBS
  • [FABF22] The Christian Science Monitor
  • [FABF22] Fox News Channel [truck rolls in to the tune of "We are the Champions" by Queen and a Bush Chaney 2004 poster]
  • [FABF22] Global News Network
  • [FABF22] Channel Ocho
  • [GABF02] ESPN
  • [GABF04] Soft News Network
  • [GABF07] Wifetime TV
  • [HABF02] PBS
  • [HABF03] Springfield Public Access Television
  • [LABF14] Historical Channel

Movies

• Springfield Theaters
  • Springfield-X
    • [8F05] For Your Thighs Only
    • [8F05] Crocodile Done Me
    • [8F05] Doctor Strangepants
    • [9F13] Debbie Does Springfield
  • [8F08] Larry's Chinese Theatre
  • Aztec Theatre {also [8F08], [1F09], [2F31] (Closed for Repairs), [4F09]}
    • [7G07] Space Mutant IV: the trilogy continues
    • [7F15] Space Mutant V: the Land Down Under
    • [7F75] Do the Bart, Man!
    • [8F08] [None; closed for repairs]
    • [8F10] The Empire Strikes Back
    • [8F10] Coming Soon: Space Mutants [this is a flashback episode]
    • [8F16] Ernest Needs a Kidney
    • [9F03] Itchy & Scratchy: the Movie
    • [9F12] Barton Fink
    • [9F22] Ernest Goes Somewhere Cheap
    • [1F07] Siskel & Ebert: the Movie
    • [1F19] Pooperama Triple Feature
    • [2F07] Stock Footage Festival
    • [2F10] When Harry Met Sally
    • [3F05] Pauly Shore and Faye Dunaway in "Honk If You're Horny"
    • [3F17] Naked Lunch
    • [4F05] Too Many Grandmas
    • [AABF23] Mr. Smith Goes to Washington [Preview]
    • [BABF22] Julia Roberts in Love is Nice
    • [EABF04] Theatre is closed for repairs.
    • [FABF10] Teenage Sex Wager vs. Boner Academy
    • [FABF10] Cosmic Wars The Gathering Shadow [Directed, Written, Edited and Voice of Jim-Jam by Randall Curtis]
    • [FABF10] The Momentum of Things (starring) Ellen Burstyn and Jim Broadbent
    • [FABF10] The Lizzie McGuire Movie
    • [GABF02] Tales of the Old Testament  Running Time 800 Minutes
    • [JABF06] The Krusty Movie
    • [KABF15] Sever  Rated R
    • [LABF13] Today: Everyman Test Screening - Tell Us How To Do Our Job
    • [LABF13] (poster) Alvin and The Chipmunks Gettin' Rabies!
    • [LABF13] (poster) Eddie Murphy in Fat Suit
    • [LABF13] (poster) Welcome Back, Potter
    • [LABF14] Madea Goes to Hell
  • Springfield Drive-In
    • [3F03] I Spit on Your Grave
    • [3F03] I Thumb Through Your Magazines
    • [5F12] Hail to the Chimp
    • [AABF07] The Bloodening
    • [DABF09] Dude, Where's My Virginity? [Starring Bridget Fonda, Jr. and Judd Nelson as Dean Probationly]
  • [1F09] Big T Theatre
  • [9F09] Drive In Movie Theater
  • [1F16] Lillie Langtry Theater [Burns' private theater] {also [4F05]}
  • Limited Appeal Theatre
    • [GABF15] Kosovo Autumn - Vjeshtë Kosovar (it's Albanian)
    • [GABF15] (poster) Craving Molly, Alaska
    • [GABF15] (poster) Oppenheimer's Elevator
  • [3F15] Route 18 Flea Market and Drive-In
    • [3F15] The Muppets Go Medieval
  • Springfield Googolplex Theatres
    • [8F19] I'll Fry Your Face III
    • [8F19] The Smell in Room 19
    • [8F19] Space Mutants VI
    • [8F19] Honey, I Hit a School Bus
    • [8F19] Look Who's Oinking
    • [8F19] The Stockholm Affair
    • [8F19] Ernest vs. the Pope [aka Ernest cuts the cheese]
    • [8F22] Space Mutant VII
    • [8F22] Sing Monkey Sing
    • [8F22] Hot Grits a Flyin'
    • [AABF19] My Dinner With Jar Jar
    • [AABF19] Mars Need Towels
    • [AABF19] That 70's Movie
    • [AABF19] Shakespeare in Heat
    • [AABF19] Face Puncher IV
    • [AABF19] Das Booty Call
    • [DABF05] Wedgie: The Movie
    • [DABF05] Shenani-Goats
    • [DABF05] Air C.H.U.D.
    • [DABF05] Chocolate 2: The Vanilla-ing
    • [DABF05] Final Chapter 4: A New Beginning
    • [DABF05] Editor-In-Chimp
    • [DABF05] Too Many Premises!
    • [DABF05] Crouching Tiger, Hidden V...
    • [DABF05] Clone Me An Angel
    • [DABF05] Dude. Where's My Pepsi?
    • [FABF08] 1  Return to Ape Valley
    • [FABF08] 2  The Fashion of the Christ
    • [FABF08] 3  Ghost Frat
    • [FABF08] 4  Eating Nemo
    • [FABF08] 5  From Justin to Jelly 4
    • [FABF08] 6  The Unwatchable Hulk
    • [FABF08] 7  The Pianist Goes Hawaiian
    • [FABF08] 8  Freddy vs. Jason vs. Board of Education
    • [FABF08] 2  A Kiss Before B..
    • [FABF08] The Wild Dingleberries Movie
    • [FABF08] A Matrix Christmas
    • [FABF08] Diet Coke: The Movie
    • [FABF08] President Airbutt: Air to the Chief
    • [FABF08] The Re-Deadening
    • [FABF08] Teenage Sex Wager
    • [GABF01] Cards ..from Dreamworks
    • [GABF01] 3 Fast 3 Furious
    • [GABF01] Breast Camp
    • [GABF01] Dude, Where's My Prostate
    • [GABF01] Michael Eisner vs. Michael Ovitz
    • [GABF01] Kill Bill Maher
    • [GABF01] Explosion 2
    • [GABF01] Baby Cops 3: Tired and Cranky
    • [GABF01] Disney's "Stroller Rental: The Movie"
    • [GABF14] Left Below
  • Stardust Drive-In [outside Springfield]
    • [AABF13] The Monster that ate everybody
  • Springfield IMAX Theatre
    • [EABF02] Nature's Biggest Holes
  • [1F16] Westport Dinner Theatre
  • X [XXX movies for dogs]
    • [FABF01] Behind the Doggie Door
    • [FABF01] Long Dog Silver
    • [FABF01] On Golden Retriever
  • Theatre at Springfield Natural History Museum
    • [FABF09] Bark: The Suit Your Tree Wears
  • Barnacle Bay Theater
    • [JABF03] Meet Me in Some Floozy
  • Other Springfield Theatres [not identified]
    • [FABF10] The Lost Weekend
    • [FABF10] Days of Wine and Roses
    • [FABF10] Barfly
• Other Exhibited Movies
  • Air Japan's in-flight movie
    • [AABF20] Kanga-Roommate!
  • Mafia Private Jet
    • [EABF09] The Divine Sequence of the Ya Ya Sisterhood
  • Outside Theatre in Springfield Park
    • [JABF03] Dunderhead Deputies in Farmyard Follies
• Other Movies
  • Bootleg Videos at Android's Dungeon
    • [CABF08] Alien Autopsy
    • [CABF08] Illegal Alien Autopsy
    • [CABF08] Godfather III - good version
    • [CABF08] Tape of Kent Brockman picking his nose
    • [CABF08] Police Informant Tape #2381
    • [CABF08] Mister Rogers drunk
    • [CABF08] Secret Nuclear Defense Plan U.S. Govt. Film #1612
  • Sara Sloane Movies
    • [EABF08] Sleeping With Pinocchio
    • [EABF08] Honey, I Scotch Guard'ed the Kids
  • By Deklin Desmond, documentary filmmaker who visits Springfield Elementary;
    • [EABF11] Lost Luggage
    • [EABF11] Shattered Lives
    • [EABF11] Upskirt Dreams
    • [EABF11] Do You Want Lies With That?
    • [EABF11] American Boneheads: A Day In the Life of Springfield Elementary
  • At Flanders Houses
    • [EABF16] Girls Gone Mild
    • [EABF16] Debbie Does Penance
  • At The Sundance Film Festival
    • Films Being Shown
      • [KABF11] Regularsville
      • [KABF11] Candyland
      • [KABF11] Chernobyl Graveyard
      • [KABF11] Capturing the Simpsons by Lisa Simpson
      • [KABF11] Life Blows Chunks a film by Nelson Muntz
    • Jarmoose Films Referenced
      • [KABF11] Stranger Than Paradise
      • [KABF11] Down by Law
      • [KABF11] Cheaper by the Dozen 3 (poster shows a dozen tombstones)
  • Videotapes Rented by Marge for Recovering Homer
    • [9F11] Boxing's Greatest Weigh-Ins
    • [9F11] Yentl
    • [9F11] The Erotic Adventures of Hercules with Normal Fell as Zeus
      Hercules! The Cyclops tore off my clothes!
  • Videotapes Rented by Homer for Recovering Marge (from fear of flying)
    • [2F08] Hero (picture of burning jet on cover)
    • [2F08] Fearless (picture of burning, disintegrating jet on cover)
    • [2F08] Alive (picture of disintegrating jet on cover)
  • New movie that Troy McClure could get part in
    • [3F15] McBain IV: Fatal Discharge
  • Directly Referenced
    • [9F06] Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film The Neverending Story.
    • [9F09] Homer to Rabbi Krustofsky: Now, I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I rented Fiddler on the Roof and I will watch it.
    • [9F09] Ned Flanders: Dear Lord, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks and Sweatin' to the Oldies, volumes one, two and four.
    • [9F10] Marge: Wait a minute.. that was Prince of Tides.
    • [9F12] Lewis: We're gonna go sneak into an R-rated movie! Milhouse: It's called Barton Fink!
    • [9F16] Krusty: The star of The Blue Lagoon (Brooke Shields), and me, the blue-haired goon.
    • [9F20] Mayor Quimby: In other news, the chick in The Crying Game is really a man.
• Other Movie Posters / Advertisements
  • During movie preview at Aztec
    • [AABF23] Space Mutants XII
    • [AABF23] McBane [sic] VI
  • Buck McCoy's Home
    • [DABF07] Wyatt Earp Meets The Mummy
    • [DABF07] Six Brides for Seven Brothers
    • [DABF07] Six Gun Lullaby
  • Movie preview at Googolplex
    • [DABF05] Soccer Mummy
    • [GABF01] Cards
  • In Android's Dungeon secret Video Cellar
    • [CABF08] Attack of the ?? Frankenstein
    • [CABF08] Invasion of the Saucer-Men
  • In Comic Book Guy's Apartment
    • [CABF08] Space Mutants 5
  • Outside Ginormous Pictures studio
    • [LABF13] Star Wars: Episode VII The Apology
    • [LABF13] Alvin and The Chipmunks 3 Gettin' Rabies!
  • At Android's Dungeon
    • [LABF13] Space Mutants 5
    • [LABF13] I Was a Teenage Werewolf
• Movies Being Filmed
  • [2F17] Radioactive Man
  • [AABF23] Mel Gibson in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
  • [DABF06] Canadian Graffiti
  • [DABF06] Undercover Nerd
  • [EABF08] Sara Sloane in "The Zookeeper's Wife"

Related Pages at SNPP

• [The Stellar Acting Career of Troy McClure] [Movies]
• [Itchy & Scratchy Episodes]

Benjamin Robinson
Damien Treadwell 
Dave Monroe
John W. Leys
Matt Garvey
Pat Conolly
Tim Cramm
Tim Thomason